The Cosmos
by AutumnSkyy
Summary: She wanted him, Lana didn't. After the events of Briarcliff, Wendy convinces Lana to keep the son Bloody Face fathered and raise him together as a family.
1. Us

**Don't Own AHS**

 **A/N:** Well, it finally happened. Surprise, guys!

 **.**

 **THE COSMOS**

 **.**

 **ONE**

 _Us_

 **.**

"No more death." She said, grasping the abortionist's hand from between her legs. In that moment, she realized the decision she had made was final. No one would die that day. Not even the unborn child growing within her like a disease.

Lana Winters had lost enough. She wasn't ready to lose more, not in that way.

She left the woman's apartment in a hurry; her face streamed with tears but with a sense of relief that not even she understood. Her hand was placed upon her stomach as if protecting the little bulge that had formed over the past few weeks since she had left Briarcliff for good.

Terror ran through her mind as she hurried down the stairwell of the old building afraid that her demons would chase after her and drag her back to that filthy bed. She burst out through the wooden doors out onto the streets of Boston and inhaled the city air. When she exhaled, she felt a heavy pressure relieve itself from her chest. She was out of the mouth of wolves and now out into the world where she had to face her reality and come to terms with her decision.

Lana wrapped her trench coat tightly around her, shielding her body from view as if someone would recognize her and know what she had been doing in that building. It filled her with a shame she had never felt before— not even when she came out to her parents as a lesbian.

Lana hailed a cab and as soon as one pulled over, she climbed right in.

Wiping away her tears, Lana forced the lump in her throat back as she told the cab driver where to go. He noticed her terrified expression but didn't question it and drove through the streets on route to her destination.

" _No more death."_ Lana's words played in her mind like a prayer on repetition.

No more death.

No more.

Lana was sick of it. She couldn't stand the thought of it. Then _she_ came to mind. How was Lana going to face her? How was she going to tell her that she had been weak? How was she going to make up for bringing Bloody Face's child into the world? Those were questions she had no answers to.

The door to the cab slammed shut and the driver sped off. Lana now stood in front of a quaint one-story house she had come to know so well over the last few years of her life. The weather had become overcast and she felt it to be a reflection of the mockery the cosmos were bestowing down upon her. The joke was never ending.

Lana took in a deep breath, inhaling in the scent of rain. How was she going to tell her?

She took one step forward and made her way up to the porch. She reached into her purse but couldn't find her keys. Her hand shook when she raised her fist, pounding it against the door frantically, eager to go inside. When there wasn't an answer right away, Lana knocked harder.

"Coming!" Her sweet voice came from the other side of the door and Lana's heart broke.

When the door opened, Lana looked her straight in the eyes. She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out; only tears.

"Lana, what—"

"I couldn't." Lana breathed, letting out all of her failures, "Wendy, I couldn't do it."

Wendy Peyser looked at her lover in shambles and took her by the hand, "Come inside." She closed the door behind them, careful that the neighbors weren't looking and in the privacy of their home, Lana cried out loud.

Wendy held her, close, "Tell me, Lana. What happened?" She then led Lana to the living room and they both sat upon the sofa.

Lana met her eyes, "I'm so sorry, Wendy. I couldn't end it. I just couldn't."

A look of both sadness and relief crossed Wendy's brown eyes and she gave out a soft sigh. She took Lana's hands into her own and kissed them gently. "You know I will support any decision you make. Even this one."

"Wendy, it's just for a few months longer and then our lives will go back to the way they were." Lana let go of Wendy's hands and cupped her face in them, "It won't be forever."

Wendy smiled sheepishly at Lana's desperation to return to their old lives. "Nothing will ever be the same, you know that."

"I don't want this thing inside of me."

Wendy saddened at the way Lana spoke of the child growing in her womb. Instead of fighting her, she kissed her hand again, "What are you going to do?"

"Give it up." Lana averted her gaze, "I can't raise it. I just can't be a mother to Bloody Face's child…"

A sense of sadness filled Wendy's features but she forced a smile for the woman she loved, "You're not alone in this, Lana. Whatever happens, I'm here with you. I love you."

Lana smiled and hugged her, "I love you more."


	2. Fools

**Don't Own AHS**

.

 **A/N:** Hi, everyone! So glad you guys like the first chapter to this fic. Now, I can't take the credit for this idea because some of you brought it up and suggested it so it's all thanks to you guys. Anyway, thanks for reading! Hope everyone is doing well.

.

 **TWO**

 _ **Fools**_

 **.**

The last school bell of the day rang and dozens of little children from all ages raced out of the front doors and to their awaiting parents or to the long yellow bus that sat out front.

Wendy stepped out onto the front, waving off her students who had followed her outside in a straight line, "Bye children, have a nice evening!"

"Bye Ms. Peyser!" The children all called out in sync as they raced off.

Wendy watched them go with a soft smile and an adoring gaze. She loved her students so and her career as a teacher was so rewarding. However, there was an empty feeling inside of her that had begun to increase with in her.

It had been five months since Lana came home from Briarcliff and she was rarely still. Constantly out fighting to get Briarcliff shut down for good, luging around the little belly that grew day by day.

Wendy returned back to her classroom through the now empty hallway. That void inside grew along with Lana's pregnancy and Wendy found that she liked to see the love of her life that way: expecting a child. A child she was beginning to wish was theirs. Wendy always wanted children. She had told Lana that multiple times before she got caught up in Briarcliff. Wendy always wished she could be a mother but her circumstances and her times wouldn't allow it.

Wendy sat at her desk and glanced across her empty classroom. The yearning had never been so fierce.

.

When Lana arrived home, she dropped her purse on the table next to the front door where Wendy insisted they keep the keys and anything important they would need on the way out. Lana was stressed and awfully annoyed. Her back was beginning to ache and she had gained three pounds that week alone. She was tired and the kid inside of her had been kicking her innards all morning.

She was about to be six months pregnant or so. Or at least counting down the days since she had been imprisoned in Oliver Thredson's basement. Lana wanted to retch at the thought of the dead man. Ending his life had not been enough.

Lana dug into her purse and grabbed her cigarettes and her lighter and lit herself a relaxing treat. The smoke filled her lungs to burst and Lana exhaled with a sigh as she closed her eyes and sat down in the family room.

"Wendy?" She called out.

No answer.

Lana tapped her cigarette in the ashtray on the coffee table. Wendy must have still been at the school. "Oh, c'mon." Lana scoffed when her stomach got in the way of her reaching far enough to tap her cigarette again. "Work with me, kid."

The baby inside of her twirled one way and then the other, giving her kicks here and there. It frightened Lana how much it was starting to move. It made it all that much more real.

"You're a real pain in my ass, you know that?" She asked it out loud. She had grown the habit of talking to it when no one was around but they weren't always the sweetest of words.

She had just gotten done meeting up with two detectives and the meeting had left her drained. She just wanted to sleep for days. So she laid her head back, closed her eyes and finished her cigarette.

The front door opened, "Oh honey, I'm home!" Wendy called out with a sarcastic smirk.

"Oh, thank goodness. I was waiting for you." Lana put her cigarette out.

Wendy frowned at this, setting her purse down next to Lana's, "Hey, I heard those are bad for you."

"Everything's bad for me."

Wendy went around to sofa to stand in front of her, "I meant for the baby."

Lana opened her eyes and raised a brow, "Since when is that my problem?"

Wendy sighed; she disliked it when Lana was cruel to the baby. "Don't talk like that."

Lana sighed, "How was school?"

Wendy did too, not wanting to argue with her again. "It was fine. Billy Mitchells and Eli Donovan got into a fight again." She went to the coat rack to take off her coat.

"I don't know why you keep those two in the same class." Lana said, watching Wendy's every move. "You should separate them."

"They should learn to be friends." Wendy plunked down next to Lana and smiled, "Hi."

Lana looked into her eyes, "Hi." And the two women kissed. "I missed you." Lana told her.

Wendy only smiled and placed her hand upon Lana's stomach, "How is he?"

Lana rolled her eyes, "Fine. It won't stop moving. I think it punctured my spleen but I'm fine."

Wendy smiled, softly rubbing Lana's belly. Lana hated it when she did that. She saw the longing in Wendy's eyes and knew what it meant, "You have to stop doing that."

"Doing what?"

"Putting that face."

Wendy stood to her feet, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You know very well what I'm talking about." Lana stood to her feet with a little bit of struggle. "I already told you that we're not keeping it."

Wendy sighed heavily and groaned, "But Lana—"

"No buts. I'm serious, Wendy and I can't believe you keep insisting. You said you'd support me in whatever decision I made."

"And I will, Lana. It's just—"

"It's just what?"

Wendy shook her head, "It's nothing."

Lana was livid. It wasn't the first time Wendy had suggested she keep the baby. Lana had told her many times before that she couldn't and wouldn't be able to handle even looking at Bloody Face's child, let alone raising it. Wendy had to understand that. Of course, she didn't understand many of the things Lana had gone through at Briarcliff and in a way, Lana was still angry at Wendy for letting her go so easily.

Both women lived with that realization and in many ways Wendy let Lana get away with a lot because she still felt guilty for signing her over to Briarcliff. It was a bump in their relationship that was hard to ignore but both women did anyway.

"I wish you would let that idea go."

Wendy saddened just a bit, "You know I've always wanted a baby…"

Lana stood to her feet with a bit of a struggle. "Not this baby." She said and retreated to their room.

Wendy followed after her, not wanting the discussion to end just yet. "Lana."

"Wendy, I said stop it." Lana warned her. Her feet were swelling and she didn't need another argument.

"Please don't be like this. Just hear me out—"

"How do you expect me to feel after everything I went through? After this thing inside of me was conceived? I thought you would understand."

"He's just a child, Lana. It's not his fault."

Lana froze when Wendy spoke of him in such a familiar way.

Wendy smiled, "I think it'll be a boy."

Of course the devil thought that too. Lana saw the longing in Wendy's eyes and decided to humor her instead of arguing, "Wendy, we don't have any experience with children."

"I do." Wendy confirmed.

"That's different. You don't just have them in a classroom for six hours and then send them home. You have them for life."

Wendy went up to her and took a hold of her hands, "Please just think about it."

"No." Lana was firm, "This kid has got to go and that will be the end of it."

Lana released her hands from Wendy's grasp and left the room, leaving Wendy all to herself.

Lana went out to the front porch and lit herself another cigarette. She was tired of Wendy begging for them to keep the child. She knew how much she wanted a family but that wasn't the way Lana wanted to go about things. She wouldn't stand for it.

Lana felt the baby move inside of her. "Sorry kid, once you're born, you're out of here."

The baby kicked again, harder that time. Lana placed her hand to the side of the stomach where she could feel the baby kicking against her hand. He was getting stronger by the day.

"I just can't raise you." Her voice softened and her eyes filled with tears. She never wanted Wendy to see her cry so she acted tough when it came to her pregnancy. She was the same way with the detectives and with people at work. She pretended like she could handle her situation with grace but truth was, she was breaking inside. She was afraid of the child growing inside of her and wanted nothing more than for the day in which she would rid of him to arrive.

"And I can't love you either."

She placed her shaky hand to her lips and inhaled from her cigarette. "I'd be a fool to."


	3. Insomnium

Disclaimer: Don't own AHS.

A/N: Digging all the positive reviews about this fic! Seriously wouldn't have written this if you guys hadn't suggested it. Also, I know I haven't updated Dear Johnny or any of the others but I will soon. New chapter of DJ is currently in the works.

.

 **THREE**

 _ **Insomnium**_

 **.**

" _Please don't send me away!" Cried the boy, holding onto Lana for dear life, "Please! I'll be good. I'll be good, Mommy. I promise!"_

 _Lana was stiff. Her expression hard and cold and her arms lay at her sides, without touching the boy. But no matter how much he cried and begged her, Lana didn't give in. She lifted her eyes to the large brick building in front of her._

 _It's ominous exterior was haunting. A line of faceless nuns stood at the entrance, hands clasped in front of them, patiently waiting to take the boy. Lana noted a crop in the withered hand of the oldest one. The one next to her held a straitjacket._

 _Lana looked down to the red-faced boy that looked up at her in desperation. "I love you, Mommy. Please." He whispered. Tears streamed down his handsome face. He was no older than eight._

 _Lana placed her hand upon his face, "I can't love you."_

 _She let her hand fall and a large orderly came and grabbed the boy._

" _No! No!" He screamed at the tops of his lungs, "Mommy, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'll behave! I'll behave!"_

 _Lana stood, emotionless, watching as a man in white dragged her son in through the doors of Briarcliff._

.

 **OCTOBER 1965**

Lana woke with a start and a gasp. She was covered in sweat and her heart was beating in her ears. It was four in the morning and the sound of rain was heavy upon the house.

Wendy stirred in bed next to her, "Lana, what's—" Her voice was laced with heavy sleep, "What's going on?"

Lana lay back down on her pillow and took a deep breath. Her large stomach prevented her from getting comfortable. She didn't answer right away; instead she focused on the baby in her stomach. It was still. It had been still for days.

"Nothing." Lana finally breathed, "Nothing."

Wendy sat up, "Is it time?"

Lana closed her eyes, "No. Not yet."

Lana was close to going into labor. Wendy knew it would be any day now and she was impatiently waiting. She still hadn't been able to persuade Lana to keep the baby and she was running out of time. Lana had gone to visit social services to arrange them to take the infant away once it was born. Wendy had been heartbroken but she stood aside and let Lana. Sometimes the guilt of letting Briarcliff take her got to Wendy. She'd let Lana get away with murder if that guilt told her to.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Wendy asked softly, "Let me get you some water."

"Wendy, don't—" But Wendy was already out of bed and heading to the kitchen.

Lana sighed, placing her hands on her pregnant stomach. There was a fear inside of her that hadn't let her sleep for weeks. She had been having that same dream for days. It varied, sometimes the boy appeared as an eight-year-old, sometimes as a toddler and even as an infant. Once he appeared as a man, which terrified Lana to no end. The dream was beginning to mess with her head and she began to make the connection of what it could mean.

Giving away the child could mean damning him to a life in Briarcliff. But Briarcliff had been shut down; it wasn't possible.

"Here, Lana. Drink some." Wendy returned with a glass of water. She helped Lana sit up against the head of the bed and handed her the glass.

"Thank you."

Wendy sat at the edge of the bed. "How're you feeling? Did you have that dream again?"

Lana nodded and set the glass down on the nightstand. "Yes."

Wendy sighed and brushed a lock of hair behind Lana's ear. The two women stared at one another. "It's just a dream, Lana."

"What do you think it means?" Lana was afraid to ask but she did so anyway.

Wendy shrugged, not knowing what to truly tell her "I don't know." Wendy kissed Lana's cheek. "Try not to worry too much about it."

Wendy laid down and snuggled against Lana, holding her close. She felt the baby bump and couldn't help but to notice that it hadn't moved recently. "Does it break your heart when you see him in your dreams?"

The question made Lana rigid. She continued to stare at the ceiling and listen to the sound of the rain. "I'm afraid he'll come and haunt me…"

Wendy pressed her forehead against Lana's temple, "Then don't let him go, Lana. Don't let him become his father."

Those words stayed with Lana for nights to come.

.

"This is ridiculous." Lana huffed, pacing from one end of the living to the other. She had both hands resting against her back while her pregnant tummy extended in front of her. She waddled as she walked.

"Lana, calm down." Wendy said. She sat on the sofa, having a drink.

Lana was late. She had been late for over a week.

"I need a smoke." She went for the cigarettes in her purse and lit one. Lana could hear the neighborhood children making a fuss outside. They were close to Halloween and Lana was on edge. Just that time last year she was preparing herself for her interview with Bloody Face (or at least who she thought was Bloody Face) and now she was having his child. (The real Bloody Face's child).

"Please sit down, you're making me nervous."

"Oh, you're not the first person who's told me that." Lana said coldly and took a drag from her cigarette.

Wendy shook her head, "Fine. Make yourself a nervous mess then." She went back to the magazine she was reading through.

"I want this kid out of me for good." Lana went on. She wasn't comfortable when she wasn't complaining.

So far her morning had been far from pleasant. First she had been sent home from work for a maternity leave she did not want. Then upon arriving home, the old neighbor woman next door had given her grief about being a single mother. She ranted on about the sin of sex before marriage and the consequences of a bastard child. She was old so Lana paid her no mind but she had managed to get under her skin.

"Don't listen to them, Lana. Who cares what people say." Wendy told her.

Lana scoffed, "You're one to talk."

Wendy met her eyes, immediately hurt by Lana's words. Lana saw that she had gone to far and sighed, "I'm sorry."

"I'm going to blame it on the hormones. Okay?"

Lana nodded to herself and looked away, "Okay."

Lana then began to think of the fear that had begun to consume her. "I'm going to take a walk."

"Where are you going?" Wendy became alert.

"Nowhere. Just down the street and back, I need to clear my mind."

Wendy began to stand, "I'll come with you."

"No." Lana said firmly, "I need some time to think." She then forced a smile for Wendy's sake, "I'll be fine. Don't worry."

Wendy sighed and went up to her, kissing her lips. "Be back soon."

.

Lana walked down the street of her neighborhood. The children were running amuck in their costumes, calling out each other's names and laughing. Wendy loved children, Lana didn't dislike them but she wasn't very good with them—or at least she thought so.

"Holy shit, kid." Lana stopped a few houses down from hers and leaned against a tree. She was already feeling worn. She placed her hand upon her stomach, "You all right in there?" The baby didn't move, "C'mon, little one, give me a break."

Suddenly, a sharp pain shot through Lana's stomach and she fell against the tree, crying out in pain. The children just yards down the street stopped their play and looked over at Lana.

Lana took in a few breaths, gently steadying herself. The pain had come out of nowhere, taking her by utter surprise. She then heard a sound that sounded like ripping, followed by the sound of splashing water. Lana glanced down to see her legs drenched and a pool of water like liquid at her feet.

It was time to meet Oliver Thredson's child.


	4. Sweet Child

**Disclaimer:** I do not own AHS.

 **A/N:** Thanks for the positive reviews, everyone! I really like the turn this story is taking and how my ideas for it are forming thanks to you guys. It's gonna be a good one, I think!

Ps. I have no patience for editing so excuse my half ass excuse for editing if you come upon a typo lol  
Also, I can't remember where it was but someone asked me about Fear the Walking Dead and yes! I did see it! I'm a sucker for anything TWD. Comics, video games, spin-offs, you name it. TBH, Walking Dead had me more psyched than AHS last season. Yikes, right? Anyway, ranting done. Enjoy!

 **.**

 **FOUR**

 _ **Sweet Child**_

 **.**

"Ms. Peyser! Ms. Peyser!" The children came running to the door, pounding on it like their lives depended on it.

"My goodness, children. What's the matter?" Wendy opened the door, alarmed.

"Ms. Peyser! Your friend's dying!" They cried.

"What?" Wendy was confused, "Lana?"

She found Lana on the ground, slightly leaning against the tree, crying out in pain. There was a little boy at her side, the smallest of the bunch. He clenched and unclenched his little hands and looked all directions, not sure what to do. The other children had made his stay with her to make sure she didn't die.

"Lana!" Wendy rushed to the woman's side, "Benny, what happened?" She asked the little boy.

"Her tummy's gonna pop!" He stammered, afraid for Lana's sake.

"Benny, go to your mom and tell her to call 911! Hurry!"

Without a word, Benny ran off.

"Lana, baby," Wendy held onto her, "Is it time? Is he coming?"

Lana looked into Wendy's eyes, "Don't leave me."

Wendy brushed her face, "I won't. I won't."

Approaching sirens and the frantic voice of Wendy were the last things Lana heard before she became lost in a haze of pain and fear. And it was the sound of a newborn's cry that brought her back to reality.

"Congratulations, Ms. Winters." The doctor's firm voice came amidst the shrills of new life. "It's a boy."

Lana remained frozen, staring up at the white ceiling. She was covered in cold sweat and wet locks of hair stuck to her cheeks and forehead. She took deep breaths, feeling a strange numbness take over her shaking body. She could hear the cosmos laughing at her from above, mocking her life as if it were a mere joke.

A nurse took the now clean boy and approached Lana. She put her hand up almost immediately when she heard him come too close. With all the strength she could muster, Lana sat up. "No." her voice shook, "I don't want to see it."

"Oh, but Ms. Winters—"

" _Don't_." Lana cut her off, "Just take it. Take it away."

The nurse saddened and laid her eyes upon the baby boy that continued to cry for his mother. "He needs you." She muttered, hoping to make her care enough to hold the child.

Lana lay back down, inhaling, "I'm not its mother."

The nurse nodded and took the boy away.

.

Wendy watched the crying newborn from behind a clear glass. She saw his tiny frame shake violently from the fear of being outside of his mother's womb for the first time. Wendy cried despite the large smile on her face. She had never seen something so beautiful.

According to the doctor, the boy had weighed in about six pounds and was twenty-one inches long. He looked awfully small, however and had a set of lungs that Wendy couldn't believe. The nurse that took the baby into the nursery stepped out. Wendy perked up when she saw her, "How is he?"

The nurse smiled weakly, "He's fine. A little exhausted from being born but he should be fine."

"He's crying so much. Is something wrong with him?"

The nurse gave out a little sigh, "He's just a little lost without mama, is all."

"She didn't want to see him, did she?" Wendy's heart broke when she asked the question.

The nurse shook her head. "No. She did not." She then forced a smile, "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to fix him a bottle."

"Of course." Wendy stepped aside and let the nurse pass. She then turned her attention to the tiny baby boy with the paper bracelet around his ankle that read "Baby Boy Winters".

.

When Wendy stepped into Lana's hospital room, she found her wide-awake with her eyes set upon the wall. "Lana?" She spoke softly as to not startle her.

Lana slowly turned her head and smiled weakly, "Wendy…"

Wendy went to her and hugged her, "Oh, baby." She kissed the top of Lana's head, "You did wonderfully."

"Yeah? I guess I earned myself one hell of a smoke then."

"You had to take that walk alone, didn't you?"

Lana sighed heavily, not wanting to get into an argument.

"You scared the neighborhood children half to death."

"I'm sure they'll live."

"I don't think poor Benny will ever be the same." Wendy smiled lightly and stepped aside. She brushed a lock of hair behind Lana's ear and slightly beat around the bush. "I saw him."

Lana became rigid. She looked away as if she didn't care.

"He's beautiful." Wendy smiled softly, "Did you hold him?" She knew Lana hadn't but she wanted her to admit it herself.

Lana locked eyes with her, "Don't pretend like this is something to celebrate."

"Lana you just gave life." Wendy reminded her, placing her hand upon Lana's.

"Yes, to a monster." Lana took her hand away. She knew the words were ugly when she spoke them but she found them to be true.

Lana was feeling so many emotions in that instant that she didn't know the difference between them. She felt fear. Fear for the child and fear of him. Of him because he was Thredson's child and Lana wasn't ready to face that memory just yet. Fear for him because even though she wanted nothing to do with him, she feared what would become of him.

Her dreams plagued her of a future in which the boy would become his father. He'd come to her house at night to murder her. Lana had dreams of the boy peeling her skin off while she was still alive and the thought of it sickened her. They sickened her more than anything but not as much as the thought of raising him and loving him. Still, she couldn't help but to wonder what would become of him.

After all, he was a part of her too.

"Please don't say such things." Wendy took a step back, "He's your son."

Lana kept her gaze from Wendy and landed them out the window where she could barely see the rest of the city. "I don't want to talk about this."

"So what? You're just going to let them take him?"

Lana thought of the faceless nuns and the men in white coming to take her infant. "Yes." She said firmly. Her stomach twisted and churned at the thought. There was a guilt beginning to form inside of her.

Wendy looked at the woman she loved. It was hard to go against Lana because Wendy felt she still owed her so much. She was constantly begging for Lana's forgiveness but when she saw that little boy lying there so helpless, Wendy couldn't help but to yearn for him.

There was a knock on the door followed by the sound of infant wails. Both women looked up instantly to see the nurse with the boy bundled in arms. "Excuse me, Ms. Winters, I hate to bother you but he needs you."

Wendy was about to take a step towards the boy but Lana stopped her. "No. I told you I didn't want to see it."

"Please. He's very hungry and the formula upsets his stomach. He isn't taking it well."

Wendy itched to take the baby and hand it to Lana. She couldn't stand to hear him cry so pitifully.

"He needs you." The nurse took a step forward, "Please. Just this once. The poor thing hasn't stopped crying."

Wendy looked to Lana. Lana closed her eyes and gave out a sigh. "Alright." She extended out her arms to take him, "But just this once, I won't do it again."

The nurse quickly handed Lana the boy and stepped out before Lana could change her mind. Wendy went to aid Lana but she stopped her, "Wendy, I don't want you to see this." She met her gaze, "Please…"

Wendy swallowed any pleas she had and exited the room, leaving Lana alone with the boy.

When Wendy closed the door behind her, Lana sighed. "Let's get this over with…" She loosened her gown and let the infant latch on to her. The boy latched on instantly and continued to suckle as if his life depended on it and it very much did. Lana became tense and leaned her head back upon the pillow, closing her eyes to fight the tears that raced down her face regardless. All she could think about was Oliver Thredson suckling at her chest.

The feeling was sickening and Lana felt a surge of anxiety through her but she calmed herself and after what felt like an eternity, the boy finished and dozed off in her arms. Lana quickly covered herself and with all the bravery she could muster, took a gander at the newborn.

He was so small and frail. His skin had become fair; a fast change from the pale blue color he had been born in. His little head was covered in soft light brown hair and his eyes were closed; he had little bags under his eyes like the majority of newborns fresh out of the womb. He had a little button nose and a pair of lips that were too sweet to ignore. Lana felt that mothering urge break free inside of her and she brushed a finger along his bottom lip. He was so soft it nearly broke her.

She took her finger and ran it along his cheek. He reacted immediately to her touch and his lips jerked into a smile, showing off his pink gums. Lana heard babies smiled in their sleep but she never would guess that it could look as heavenly as it did in that moment. She sighed and the tiniest but weakest smile danced along her lips as she continued to caress the boy's cheek with the tip of her finger.

"I will admit that you're a sweet one…" Perhaps it was the exhaustion talking or maybe the intense set of hormones raging through her body that made her say something as such, "It's hard to believe I made you…" The tears began to overflow and she sniffled.

The baby's smile faded and he squirmed in her arms, giving out a tiny growl as he made himself comfortable. Lana's heart broke even further. "I'm sorry little one." She leaned forward and kissed his forehead, "We would only be a burden to each other." She leaned back upon the pillow and closed her eyes, fighting off the exhaustion that overcame in the end.

.

When Wendy opened the door, she found both mom and baby fast asleep. The sight of Lana with the baby in arms was enough to melt Wendy. She couldn't help it and went over to Lana's bedside. She smiled down at the boy and carefully took him out of Lana's arms.

The boy squirmed again, bothered at being removed from the comfort of his mother's warm arms.

"Hi, baby boy." Wendy wandered away from the bed and to the front of the room by the second window so she could see him beneath the soft October light.

Lana roused from her sleep. The first thing she saw when she woke was Wendy cradling the infant in her arms. She stayed quiet and continued to watch.

Wendy smiled adoring at the boy, "You are so beautiful, aren't you?" She whispered to him but Lana could hear her so perfectly. Wendy cried silently with a smile, "You beautiful, beautiful boy." She leaned down and kissed his forehead, inhaling in his brand new scent.

Her words broke Lana's heart. He was a beautiful child, which she couldn't deny.

"Just like your mother." Wendy sniffled but continued to smile. She lifted her hand and stroked his little hand with her finger, "I wish we could take you home." She stopped herself before her voice broke. When she found the strength she brought his little face and whispered something to him that Lana did not hear.

When Wendy looked up, she found Lana awake. She gasped, "Lana, you're awake."

"Wendy, you know we can't take him home…"

Wendy noted that she had referred to the baby as "him" and not "it". She found hope in that somehow.

Wendy went to Lana's bedside, "Lana, please—"

"I said _no_. Why can't you understand that?" Lana looked into her eyes, "Why can't you understand that _I can't_ raise the son of a maniac?"

Wendy held her gaze. "Because he's a part of you too." She said firmly, "And because I love him so much already." She lowered the baby for her to see. "Look at him, Lana. Look at how sweet he is. Don't let him go."

Lana looked down at the boy and felt her heart shatter into a million pieces.

"Don't let him become like his father."


	5. Johnny B

**Disclaimer:** Don't own AHS

 **A/N:** Thanks for all the positive feedback, everyone! Also, I'm glad you guys approved of Lana being somewhat affectionate with her son. I wanted to do this a bit differently than on the show and in Dear Johnny/Dear Father so there might be a few differences but for the most part; it'll still be a struggle on Lana's side for obvious reasons.

.

 **FIVE**

 _ **Johnny B.**_

.

Lana stayed up that entire night contemplating what Wendy had said to her earlier that day. She hadn't responded to her, in fact, she just couldn't. The baby boy had slept in a tiny little wheeled crib in the room with them. Wendy hadn't wanted to let him go and Lana didn't fight her on it. Wendy was so attentive to him and Lana was ready to leave the hospital. A woman from social services would come in the morning for the boy and that would be that.

Lana's thoughts were interrupted when the boy began to stir. He hadn't slept very well and he was awfully finicky. Wendy had gotten up with him the past few times since around nine o'clock but now she lay exhausted on the tiny sofa across the room.

So with all the strength Lana could muster, she stood off the bed and went to the tiny crib, pulling it closer to her so she wouldn't have to venture too far. Giving birth had tired her body and her legs were sore beyond belief. It was an uncomfortable pain she wasn't used to.

The newborn was squirming about, not wanting to fully wake up. Lana stuck her hand in the crib and softly brushed him with her hand. "Shh, you'll wake her." She whispered to him.

The baby opened his eyes, scanning Lana's face with his blurry newborn vision. The window was open, letting in the moon's soft glow. He squealed louder on the verge of tears. Against all the anger and fear raging inside of her, Lana picked him up and awkwardly cradled him. She had never really been around babies and holding her own was no exception.

He was wobbly get stiff at the same time and strangely strong. His squirming was unbelievable and Lana feared she'd drop him so she sat back down on the bed. She looked down at the boy that was fussing to nurse again. It was unbelievable to her that she had brought something to life. It was such a strange feeling that she just couldn't shake but unlike all the other mothers who cried with pure joy from seeing their newborn children, Lana cried out of pain and humiliation.

Keeping the boy meant everything would change. It meant that Lana would have to live with Oliver's memory for the rest of her life. That baby would grow into a boy and that boy, into a man. That man could be the spitting image of his father. However, looking like Oliver was nothing compared to acting like him. If Lana didn't have a say in his genetics, well, she had a say in his behavior.

.

Wendy was awfully quiet in the morning. She didn't speak a word as she packed the last bit of Lana's belongings in the little suitcase she had brought to the hospital. She knew she would have to say goodbye to the little boy any minute now and the thought pained her till no end but she didn't want to bring it up anymore to Lana. It seemed as if Lana had made up her mind on the matter and would not budge.

Lana was out of the hospital gown and back into her own clothing and she couldn't be more relieved. She still felt rather sore but much better after having a shower and getting dressed into something more familiar. The baby boy had been formula fed and changed and now lay upon the bed ready for Social Services to take him. He had taken his formula feeding a bit better than the first time but was sure to become fussy if it didn't sit well.

Lana could see Wendy brooding in silence. She didn't accept Lana's decision to give the boy up but her guilt let Lana do whatever she pleased. After all, he was Lana's son, not hers and according to law, Wendy had no power over the boy. Only Lana. Even if they did keep him, the boy would under her custody and have her last name. Wendy wouldn't even be a parent in the eyes of the public. Maybe an aunt if she was lucky but she didn't care about that. She wanted the feeling of motherhood, not that title that came with it.

Nevertheless, Wendy had no reason to be upset. Lana was the one who had suffered at Briarcliff and at the hands of Bloody Face. She didn't deserve to live the rest of her life with that reminder.

The baby cooed, catching Lana's attention and she slowly began to realize something.

Baby or not, the memory was forever engraved in her mind. Ridding herself of the boy wasn't going to make it go away. It would make it easier but it wouldn't erase the past.

Lana took a hold of his little hand, studying his little fingers and became amazed at how tiny his fingernails were. He looked like a little toy doll and it was hard to comprehend that he was real. Slowly, his little hand closed around her index finger with a tiny grasp that was so strong it was unarming. The tiny action moved Lana in a way she didn't understand but in that moment she knew what was right.

"So…" She spoke loud enough to catch Wendy's attention, "What should we name him?"

Wendy stopped and slowly glanced up at Lana. "Are—are you? Do—do you mean it, Lana?"

Lana glanced down at the baby boy. Just the sight of him filled her with fear and disgust at the thought of his father and how he had been conceived but at the same time there was a feeling of pity and tenderness towards him. He had no faults and was not to blame. "I don't want him to grow to be the man Thredson was…I want to give him a chance at life."

The next thing she knew, Wendy's arms were around her in a tight hug. "You won't regret this, Love. I know you won't." She kissed Lana's face over and over.

Lana slowly hugged her back. "Let's hope not…"

There was a knock on the door and Wendy quickly stepped away from Lana. One of the young nurses that had been helping Lana poked her head in, "So is he ready?" She stepped fully in.

Wendy looked to Lana and smiled.

.

"Johnny Winters."

It had taken Lana a moment to fully take in and comprehend the name that had just been repeated back to her. She sat in a wheelchair with the infant in her arms, still too weak to fully walk on her own. Social Services had arrived and Lana had let them know that she had chosen to keep her child after all. The woman was a bit hesitant, Lana being a single mother and all, but pleased no less that St. Jude's home for boys would have one less occupant.

Lana signed all the papers she needed to, including his birth certificate. She had let Wendy choose the boy's name for she didn't care.

"Lana, he's not a puppy. He's your son."

"Well, he's your son now too, isn't he?" She asked with a bit of coldness in her tone. She was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to go home. Of course they couldn't leave without all the proper paper work and the child needed a name.

Wendy bit back a little smile at the thought that Lana wanted to share mother ship with her but choosing a name for the boy had too much responsibility.

"I don't _care_ what his name is. Just give him one." She was growing impatient and the boy was fussing in her arms.

"So you wouldn't care if I named him Christian then?"

"No." Lana said firmly.

"What about Matthew?"

"That's fine."

"Henry?"

"Wonderful…"

"And Oliver?"

Lana's eyes shot straight up at Wendy and if looks could kill then Lana would be raising that boy on her own. Wendy hadn't wanted to go there but Lana's sarcastic and monotone voice on the matter was infuriating. She swore like they were naming their pet cat.

"That's not funny." Lana said curtly.

"I'm sorry." Wendy sighed and knelt down in front of her, "But look at him, Lana. He's going to carry this name for the rest of his life. He needs a good one, don't you think?"

Lana glanced down at the boy who had his tiny little fist resting on his chubby cheek. She nodded.

"So?"

Lana felt that same bitterness begin to eat away at her but the boy's tenderness melted her heart. "Johnny." She muttered the name.

"Johnny?" Wendy asked a bit confused but then slowly remembered that she had once mentioned to Lana that Johnny was her grandfather's name. Wendy adored her grandfather growing up. The two had a very lovely bond.

So Wendy smiled and caressed the boy's head, "Johnny Winters." The name along with her surname sounds so foreign to Lana and so deafening that she needed a moment to come to.

But alas, there it was. Johnny Winters. The child had a name and a family. More than Lana thought he would that day.

When the nurse came in to sign the family papers she asked if he were to have a middle name as well. Lana didn't even have time to react before Wendy said the name, "Benjamin."

Lana's head whipped up so fast she thought it would snap. "We're doing grandfathers, aren't we?"

Benjamin had been the name of Lana's paternal grandfather. And he was the only one who would have stood by her side if he hadn't passed away before Lana left home after coming out to her parents. Or course Benjamin was also the name of her father who had ostracized her.

But Lana didn't feel like arguing and only nodded in agreement.

"Johnny Benjamin Winters. It suits him well." The nurse smiled and wrote it down.

Lana was the only legal guardian on his birth certificate and his father was not named on Lana's orders. A nurse helped push Lana out of the hospital while Wendy pulled the car around and helped her in the car with the boy still in arms.

Lana held the infant in her arms for the entire ride. They hadn't planned on taking him home so they weren't prepared in any way. Wendy talked about going to the store to buy diapers and anything else he would need in short notice but to Lana it all sounded like static noise and all she could do was stare out the window, watching the neighborhoods as they cruised by.

"We'll need diapers and blankets and pacifiers and little clothes. A lot of clothes." Wendy said, "Infants grow out of things so fast. But we'll also need a crib and a high chair and a car seat. Mrs. Evans purchased her son Donny a car seat, she said they're becoming very popular but Edna from down the street says they're unnecessary." She went on and on but Lana could care less about all of that.

When Wendy parked the car on the driveway, it was just past four o'clock and the autumn sky had taken over with a grayish light. The sun was hidden beneath the clouds and night was soon to take over. The house was decorated with carved pumpkins and paper ghosts. Wendy had said the day before Johnny was born that she wasn't quite done decorating for the children.

Her students loved to drop by and she liked to have the house spooky for them. However, now with the baby, she probably wouldn't have much time to do so.

"Let me help you." Wendy took Lana's arm and carefully guided her out of the car. She helped her slowly make their way to the front of the house but Lana stopped, looking up at her home. The lights inside were on and so were some of the Jack o' lanterns on the porch. The lawn was covered with dying leaves in brilliant colors of orange and yellow. There was a fresh breeze in the air that made her skin crawl.

Once she stepped over that threshold, there would be no going back. So Lana took that first step up the porch and carried her son through the door.


	6. A Different World

**Don't own AHS.**

 **A/N:** Thanks for the love, guys! Really having fun with this one. Like I said, there's going to be a few changes from Dear Johnny but there's also going to be some minor ones that are going to be similar to the show. Johnny's eye color for example. In DJ I made his eyes brown to resemble Lana's but here they're gonna be blue like in the show. Just a heads up! Enjoy the chapter!

.

 **SIX**

 _ **A Different World**_

.

He had not stopped crying for Lana didn't know how long. Yet, she had done nothing to ease her infant son's cries and remained in bed to herself with a lit cigarette hanging from between her two fingers. The smoke twirled from the tip and disintegrated into nothing. So far, motherhood had been heavy on the post-partum depression and Lana wasn't coping to well.

She lay in bed in an oversized button up polo that she had been wearing for three days straight. She was without make up and she hadn't even bothered to brush her hair. Maternity leave was a horrid drag but Lana didn't even feel the need or the want to return to work. She didn't want to do anything but lay in bed and smoke all day.

Baby Johnny lay in a portable bassinet on the bed next to her, crying his tiny lungs out.

The door opened and Wendy hurried inside. As soon as she saw Lana lying there useless as can be, she sighed heavily, "Shit, Lana." And went to aid the crying boy. "Hey there, Johnny. Shh, shh, you're all right." She soothed him with a motherly instinct that had been lost upon Lana.

She cradled the crying boy to her, "What's the matter, hmm? Is Mama being mean again?"

Lana didn't even bother to snort at Wendy's comment or disagree with the fact that she had been rather neglectful of the child but post-partum depression was so heavy, she didn't even bother with herself. Wendy tried to understand Lana's state of mind but it had been three weeks since the boy was born and Lana was showing no initiative at all. Life had to keep moving forward, it was what Wendy believed.

"Lana, Johnny's upset." Wendy pointed out the obvious.

"Why? Did he take a look at our declining economy?" Her voice was monotone.

Wendy sighed again, "Ha-ha. It's nice to see that you still have your sense of humor." When Lana didn't respond, Wendy rolled her eyes and went to the side of the bed Lana was facing, "No. He wants _you_ to hold him. And what did I tell you about _these_?" Wendy plucked the half burned cigarette from Lana's hand and smashed it in the ashtray on the nightstand, "At least don't do it around him."

Lana rolled around, "Not right now…"

Johnny continued to cry. Neither women knew a baby that small could cry so much for so long.

"Lana, I think he needs a feeing." She turned Lana around and settled Johnny into her arms. "Come on."

Lana sat up and leaned against the headboard of the bed. She cradled the boy in her arms and studied his face. In his first three weeks of life he had changed much. His skin was a soft fare color and his hair was chocolate brown like hers. His eyes had lightened into a cobalt color. Lana didn't understand how he had gotten such blue eyes. He surely hadn't gotten them from her and definitely not from Oliver. Her mother's eyes had been green and her father's had been brown. Perhaps Oliver's mother had given the boy those piercing eyes. What Lana did notice was the birthmark on his little arm. It was very much like the one on her own arm.

The baby boy squirmed and kicked about, still unhappy about his situation. He was awfully cranky and demanded attention. All he wanted was his mother's warmth but Lana's coldness and reluctance to hold him was heart breaking; especially for Wendy. She couldn't stand to see Lana so beaten. She hadn't even been so after arriving from Briarcliff.

"Do you mind?" Lana asked, her eyes meeting Wendy's. She didn't like anyone to watch her breast feed the child. She would often lock herself in the room with the boy, angry and hurt. Lana knew Wendy didn't understand her feelings towards the boy or her new role as a mother since she herself wasn't in her position. Lana hadn't wanted any of it but she knew it was her fate and fate was so cruel. 

"Lana—"

"Wendy, please." Lana was firm.

Wendy saddened but gave Lana a nod and leaned in to kiss her cheek. "I'll be home at two." She caressed Johnny's cheek, "Please be good to him…" She said before she left, closing the door behind her.

And so Lana was left alone with the boy. She had been breastfeeding him for the past three weeks and after some time; she had become numb to it. The task had become less painful and more tedious than anything. She didn't cry anymore unlike she first had upon coming home. She often thought about Oliver and the way he had molested her in his basement. All those memories came rushing like water bursting through a dam, drowning her lungs no matter how hard she tried to keep her head above water.

Johnny took his time to feed with eyes closed and hand nestled upon her chest. Lana often watched him when she felt strong enough. She couldn't help to notice that his nose was the cutest and his lashes went out for miles. Wendy always bragged about how handsome he was becoming but to Lana he looked an awful lot like all the other babies.

She sighed heavily and brushed his cheek with her thumb, "It's just you and I again, kid."

Johnny made an angry sound as if annoyed that Lana was speaking to him while he ate. He was becoming so mouthy.

Lana sighed, "Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say…" She leaned her head back on the headboard and closed her eyes.

.

Wendy stood outside her classroom watching her students play out in the playground for recess. They were all dressed up in their sweaters and coats to keep warm in the Massachusetts' fall weather. It would be winter before they knew it and snow would be coming down upon them.

Wendy was awfully serious. Her mind had been on Lana and Johnny all day since she left home. Wendy was always nervous to leave him as if she would come back to find that Lana had rid of him. Lana's attitude towards the baby really worried her. She had heard of instances where post-partum caused mothers to harm their children. Those stories were the ones that she feared the most. But how Wendy had come to love the child as if he were her own. He was such a little miracle in her eyes and she was determined to raise him with much love and happiness. How could she not be happy when she was raising a child with the woman she loved? It was a dream come true.

Still, reality always came down upon her like a bucket of cold water in the middle of winter. Johnny had been conceived when Lana was raped by a serial killer with mental problems. She had kept the child in hopes of saving other women that could be victims to the boy in a future in where he'd find himself walking in his father's footsteps. Wendy knew that Lana didn't love the boy. So many things prohibited her from loving him but Wendy knew it was only a matter of time before she stepped out of her own nightmares and saw the boy for what he truly was: her redemption.

If Lana was getting another chance at life, it was that boy.

.

Lana left the boy in his bassinet on top of the sofa cushion next to her. She turned the television on and sat down with a cigarette. She slightly tilted her head to the side as she took in a long drag and exhaled it back out into the air. Johnny was in his bassinet moving about and making soft noises.

Lana let her mind wander off into a world far away from the child and from her reality. She felt her body become numb with the weight of depression. It was a dark void she continued to walk through and she wasn't sure when she would see the light. She wasn't brought back into reality until the doorbell began to ring multiple times. Lana sat up and slowly killed the cigarette in the ashtray upon the coffee table. It had burned close to the butt where it came close to burning Lana's fingers if the doorbell hadn't rung. With all the time in the world, Lana calmly lit herself another cigarette before she answered the door.

She opened the door without bothering to ask who was at the other end first like Wendy asked her to do multiple times. When she did, she immediately regretted it for she saw two young women dressed in plain brown dresses and brown penny loafers to match. They had their hair done neat and tidy and in their hands they held thick black leather bibles.

The girls looked nervously at one another when Lana didn't greet them and instead watched them with brooding eyes.

"Hello, ma'am. How are you today?" One asked.

Lana only lifted the cigarette to her mouth and stuck the butt of the cigarette between her lips and inhaled. The two young women watched as she blew the smoke back out and answered in the most sarcastic tone, "Just peachy."

The second young woman cleared her throat, "We're here today to share with you the word of the Lord."

"Are you familiar with our Lord Jesus Christ, ma'am?" The first young woman asked. She flashed Lana a bright smile and Lana felt a shutter go down her spine as she remembered the electro shock therapy Sister Jude made her under go. Bible thumpers would forever send chills down her spine.

"No," Lana said and blew out another puff of smoke in their direction, "but I'm very familiar with his demons." The two women exchanged glances of nervousness and fear. "Have a nice day." Lana says without emotion and closed the door behind her, leaving the women standing there confused and rather afraid.

Lana sat back down on the sofa and continued to smoke her cigarette. Johnny was awfully quiet so she peered into his bassinet and found him in deep slumber. He felt so distant from her and Lana just couldn't find the means to bridge the gap and she wondered if she would ever feel a connection to the boy.

.

When Wendy came home, she found the two on the sofa watching TV. Lana looked a little livelier than she did when Wendy left in the morning but she noted that Lana's eyes were red and she had been crying. However, the boy was alive and well and Wendy was grateful for that.

She kissed Lana on the cheek, "I missed you."

Lana didn't respond and Wendy noted the yellow nicotine stains on Lana's fingers. All she had been doing all day was smoking and wallowing about. Just the sight of her fingers made Wendy angry.

"You should shower, you smell like smoke." She commented as she picked up a wiggly Johnny from the bassinet, "And you didn't change his diaper, did you?"

Lana continued to stare at the television. She could care less what Wendy had to say about her.

"Lana." Wendy snapped her fingers in front of Lana's face.

Lana's attention snapped right at her and she glared at Wendy, "What?"

Wendy saddened, "Lana, I don't like seeing you like this. Why don't you go take a shower, change clothes and I'll have something done in the kitchen by then."

"I'm not in the mood to play family." Lana muttered and turned away.

Her words struck Wendy like a dagger and she grew annoyed, "You can't feeling sorry for yourself. You have to toughen up and take care of your son."

Lana snorted. "You're the one who wanted to keep him."

"You did too." Wendy retorted.

Lana stood from the sofa and walked away, "Yeah, well I'm regretting it now."

"What?" Wendy demanded and followed after her with Johnny in arms, "What did you say?" She reached over to grab her arm but Lana pulled away.

Lana turned to look at the boy in Wendy's arms and felt a feeling of regret for what she had said. The little boy was awake with his eyes half open, gazing from one direction to the other the way newborns did when they tried to become familiar with things. Her heart ached for the boy in a strange way but the rest of her body, including her mind, denied him. She was stuck between wanting to mother him and wanting nothing to do with him at all.

It was then she thought of Oliver's mother and how she had abandoned her son. Lana didn't want to be like her. She didn't want to bring a monster into the world. So she felt the tears prickling her eyes and turned to enter the bedroom without another word to Wendy.

Lana striped naked and stood in the shower as hot water came crashing down upon her body. She stood there letting the clean water wash away all the feelings of hate and remorse. She couldn't help but to think of her sweet helpless boy and before she knew it, she was sitting on the shower floor crying.

Lana didn't know why she cried. The hormones were raging inside of her, battling with the post-partum depression and the memories of her wounded past. Her situation with Wendy and the fight they had just moments ago. They all came bearing down upon Lana without any mercy and she gasped for breath while the water and the tears made their way down her face.

Life had been so different in the past three weeks and she wasn't coping well but she knew she was strong. If she could endure Briarcliff and Bloody Face, then she could endure motherhood and everything that came with it.


	7. Lucky One

**A/N:** Hi, everyone! I know last chapter was quite the downer so I decided to update the new one sooner than expected. Also, yeah on the show Dylan McDermott who plays Johnny Morgan has blue eyes, I believe. That's why they had a little blue-eyed boy as a young Johnny when Lana visited him on the playground. I figured it wouldn't hurt to have that similarity to the show just to make it a little different, anyways, before I rant on any further.

.

 **SEVEN**

 **Lucky One**

.

When Lana came out of the shower, Johnny was in his bassinet wide-awake with a pacifier in his mouth. He suckled with much enthusiasm and seemed to be awfully preoccupied with himself. Lana stood closer, leaning in slightly to get a better view at him. He looked so innocent and peaceful that her heart began to ache for him.

"You didn't really mean what you said, did you?" Wendy's voice came from the kitchen.

Lana glanced up to see her at the kitchen entrance with her arms crossed. Lana lowered her eyes back down to the baby and sighed, "I'm not myself, Wendy…I don't know what's happening to me…"

Wendy went to her and cupped Lana's face in her hands. "You're Lana Winters. That's who you are. What's happening to you is just a rough patch you'll endure and overcome."

Lana looked into her eyes, "What if I don't?"

Wendy smirked, "This isn't you, Lana. You aren't weak and you aren't petty. You're strong. The strongest person I know. You're going to get through this. I know you are."

Lana sighed, "Then why does it feel so hopeless?"

"Because you're making yourself suffer, you dimwit." Wendy sat her down next to the bassinet and took a seat on the coffee table across from Lana, "You're letting the past get to you, Lana. You're letting the memory of that monster get in between you and your son. This depression, it won't last forever and neither will the pain."

Lana closed her eyes, "I hate when you get wise beyond your years, you know that?"

Wendy laughed lightly, "And I hate when you wallow in your own self-pity so knock it off."

"I've just never felt so beaten before…"

"It's the post-partum. It'll pass."

"Are you sure it will?"

"I'm sure it will." Wendy took her hands. "It will pass." She stood from the table and patted Lana's hands before letting them go. "Now, how about you make us dinner?"

Lana frowned, "You're heartless, Wendy Peyser. Did you know that?"

Wendy smiled and looked to Johnny, "I'll tell you now, Johnny. Your mother can't cook for shit but you'll learn to love it."

Lana was able to crack a smile. She didn't know how she'd cope without Wendy in her life to help guide her.

.

The following mornings after that night consisted of cries from both mother and child. Lana woke up in a mood that no one could humor, not even herself. She became frustrated changing Johnny's diaper and broke out in ugly tears that Wendy blamed on the hormones.

"I don't think he likes me."

"Lana, don't be ridiculous." Wendy helped her fix the diaper. "All he wants is you."

Lana looked at the finicky boy and gave him a frown, "He sure as hell isn't cooperating with me."

In the past three weeks, Wendy had gone above and beyond to purchase everything they needed for a baby. Upon coming home with all the supplies, she had gotten a few curious onlookers (mainly their lady neighbors that liked to gossip). Of course a single mother in their day wasn't so common but Wendy told Lana not to listen to what others had to say.

"He's a baby, love. He doesn't know any better."

Lana scoffed, looking at the boy she still struggled to find a connection to but managed to stand the sight of. She didn't want to admit it, but her heart fluttered whenever she saw him and Wendy knew that Lana hadn't rejected him all together. She struggled to accept him but she would come around. Sooner or later, she would come around.

"Now, I left you clean diapers in the closet and fresh bottles in the kitchen just in case he'll take them this time." Wendy said as she collected her things to leave to the school.

Lana came out of the room with the baby boy in a swing around her chest. He was awake with his head rested on Lana's chest. His eyes looked all around him and he made soft noises and coos as he blew spit bubbles with his lips, drooling all over Lana's shirt.

"Stop if he gets colicky."

Lana sighed, annoyed with Wendy's motherly attitude, "I know, I know."

"Oh and don't forget his bath."

"All right."

Wendy went over to Lana and gave her a teasing smile, "This looks good on you, by the way." She referred to the baby sling.

Lana only rolled her eyes. Wendy laughed and kissed her lips and then the top of Johnny's head. "I'll see you both when I get home."

"Be back soon." Lana said, resisting the urge to cry. The depression still lingered but she was holding strong.

"I will." She glanced down at Johnny, "Take care of your Mama while I'm gone." Johnny only squirmed and gave her a coo. And like that she was off to see her students, once again leaving Lana alone with the baby.

.

For the most part, Lana lay in bed all morning while Johnny napped. When he woke, he cried and squirmed and cried some more. The post-partum depression persuaded Lana to ignore him but the better part of her managed to get out of bed and tend to him.

"Don't look at me like that." She told him as she changed his diaper. "I'm your mother, damn it."

Johnny kicked his legs and wailed his arms about. He gave Lana a little growl and a short cry as if talking back to her.

"Oh, hush." Lana scolded him. She was annoyed for the most part but amused as well. Johnny stuck his tongue out for a split moment and whined. "Plucky, aren't you?" Lana slowly picked him up, "I guess you get that from me."

She nestled him against her chest and crossed her legs upon the bed. "I wonder what else you get from me…" her voice trailed off as she thought of Oliver and wondered what he had passed down to their son.

She forced the thoughts out of her mind and took Johnny to the kitchen where they often bathed him in the sink. She had watched Wendy do it multiple times and figured it wouldn't be that hard. She helped Johnny sit up and bathed him with warm water. The boy cried and cried his lungs out, hating it. The sound began to numb Lana again and in moments she began to zone out and mentally distance herself from the situation. Her hands continued to move, one holding Johnny up while she ran her fingers through his soft hair. At one moment she stopped and glanced out the window, the feeling of despair trying to consume her, drowning out the cries of her son.

Lana quickly snapped out of it and shut off the water, lifting Johnny out of the sink immediately and nestling his wet little body against her chest. She grabbed a towel and wrapped it around him until he stopped shaking.

Even though Lana struggled to get used to the boy and feel any sort of connection to him, she would never harm him. She hated to admit it but having him so close brought out those motherly instincts that couldn't be ignored and there was a moment of relief she couldn't explain. She inhaled his scent; he smelled like heaven. She closed her eyes and whispered to him, "I'm sorry…"

.

When Lana dressed the baby, she laid him on the bed and lay next to him. She watched him squirm about but not do much else. His belly was full and he was bound to nap. He had denied the formula once again but Lana would keep trying.

Lana rested her cheek on her fist, her elbow prompted on the bed. She reached over and placed her index finger in his hand. Slowly, he closed his tiny fingers around her own and gave out a little coo. Lana was amused, "Despite everything you're still here…" She moved her finger about but he kept it in a tight grip, "You're a lucky one, aren't you?"

Johnny made another little sound and gurgled his own drool. Even after she tried to get rid of him, once before birth and once after, the boy was there to stay. And even though she had called him lucky, Lana wondered about his impending future.

Lana exhaled, "Silly boy…" She smiled weakly at him, hoping he truly was her redemption.

Later in the day, Lana placed Johnny in his sling and took him out to get the mail. She felt paranoid and hadn't wanted to leave him alone. As she got out the letters from the mailbox, one of the neighbors came strolling by with her little dog on a leash. She didn't say anything to Lana but gave her a strange look Lana hadn't seen before. And she stood there for a moment, wondering what it could be and she wondered it for the better part of the day.

.

When Wendy came home that evening, she found Lana in the bedroom with the baby. He was laying on the bed in front of Lana, bathed and in a fresh diaper and onesie. Wendy gently entered the room as to not wake him but she became extremely concerned when she saw the look on Lana's face. Her eyes were red from crying and her lips looked plump as if she had been biting down on them. Tears had streamed down her face but had settled for now. Yet, they were clear to see.

"Lana, are you okay?" Wendy approached the bed slowly, setting her purse down on the dresser.

"Wendy, how is this going to work?" Lana met her gaze.

"What do you mean?" Wendy sat on the edge of the bed, facing Lana. The baby boy lay between them.

"In the future when he begins to talk and understand things. What are we going to tell him about us?"

Wendy looked a little disarmed at Lana's question and she remained silent for a few seconds until she finally answered with much faith, "The truth."

Lana wasn't convinced. "A truth he'll have to hide for the rest of his life? What's he supposed to call you? What's he supposed to say to his friends and his teachers when they ask who you are? His aunt? His mom's friend? What example are we going to set for him?"

Lana asked so many valid questions and truth be told, Wendy had only thought some of them through. She figured they would cross the bridge when they came to it but it looked like that bridge was approaching fast.

"I want to raise him with the truth. I don't want him to be ashamed of us."

"Ashamed of us like you were when you signed me over to Briarcliff?" Lana asked bitterly. She hadn't meant to but the anger had been too much to handle and it slipped out.

Wendy gasped, "Lana!"

The baby stirred slightly. Lana reached over to him and placed her hand upon his belly and rubbed it softly to soothe him back to sleep. She kept her eyes on the both as she spoke, "You were afraid of the truth then, how is now any different?"

"I'm different now, Lana. I'm not afraid anymore." Wendy assured her. Tears had begun to gather in her eyes.

Lana gazed up at Wendy and met her eyes; "I just want you to know that if you ever deny that truth to this boy and to the world, I'm gone. I'm gone and I'm taking him with me."

Tears were rolling down Wendy's cheeks, "You can't be this cruel."

Lana shook her head, "Don't talk to me about cruelty." She remembered all of the feelings of hurt and betrayal that she felt in Briarcliff.

Wendy scooted closer and took a hold of her hand; "I'd do anything for you and for this boy. I won't let you go again." She leaned forward and kissed Lana's lips and cheeks repeatedly. "I won't—" She said in between salty, tear-stained kisses, "I won't ever let you down again. Do you hear me?"

At first Lana refrained from kissing Wendy but gave in. "I don't want him to suffer how I've suffered."

"He won't." Wendy pulled away, her hands upon Lana's face, "We're going to give him the happiest life, just you wait and see."

Lana looked at the little boy, "I don't want him to be ashamed of where he comes from…"

"Like you said, Lana. He doesn't have a father. He only has _us_. He won't ever be ashamed."

Lana's fears settled only a little. She rested her head on Wendy's shoulder and sniffled. "Don't leave me alone in this."

"I won't. Not this time." Wendy swore, "Not this time."


	8. Nothing, Without You

**AHS. I don't own it.**

 **A/N:** Thank you for all the wonderful feedback! I'm super glad you're all enjoying this so far. Also, I haven't heard anything about the new season of AHS and we usually hear something by now. Does anyone know anything? I'm super out of the loop. I mean I don't even log into my AHS tumblr anymore. Buuuut I did hear about Feud and I am fangirling so hard because I am a big fan of Susan Sarandon and having her in a show with Jessica Lange (who I also adore) is a dream come true. Ugh, the wait is going to kill me. But anyways, enjoy the chapter, everyone ~

.

 **EIGHT**

Nothing, Without You

.

Wendy noted the distance Lana had taken from her since the child arrived into their lives. She tried to get close to Lana but the stubborn woman wanted to get through her demons on her own. She roamed through the house like a ghost with the infant in arms, softly patting his back as he cried through the night. She was determined to be the mother she set herself out to be despite the crippling depression that tugged around her ankles like heavy weights made of lead.

"You don't sleep nearly enough as you should." Lana scolded the baby who gave her an agitated cry. Lana scoffed at his response, "I wish you would."

"Is that a threat?" Wendy asked; amused at the way Lana spoke to the infant. She spoke to him as if he were an older child or tiny adult.

"If that's what'll take him to go to bed. Then yes, it is a threat." Lana bounced the baby softly in her arms to calm him down.

Wendy went over to her and opened her palms, "Let me help you."

"No, I got it." Lana turned the bay from her. "I am more than capable of doing it."

"I know you can but you're exhausted and you seriously need to sleep." Wendy took the baby from Lana.

Lana felt empty without the boy and gave out a sigh. "Fine. You do it."

"Don't be sour." Wendy said while she smiled at the boy, "You need to admit that you need help sometimes."

Lana plunked down on the sofa and gave out another heavy sigh. "Easy for you to say."

"You're doing fine, Lana. Stop worrying."

Lana glanced away with a scoff. She and Wendy had talked about their plans for the future with the boy. They would raise him with the truth about their relationship but teach him to keep it a secret until the world was more accepting of people like them. Wendy worried child services would take him from them if anyone set out to complain. Lana said she wouldn't allow it. She had to admit that she was growing accustom to waking up every hour of the night to that little boy's face.

Wendy sat next to Lana on the sofa and showed her the baby. "He looks bigger doesn't he?"

"He eats a lot." Lana said with a serious tone of voice.

Wendy smiled adoringly at the child. "I think he's looking a lot like you."

Lana raised a brow, "I'm sure he inherited my temper too."

Johnny gave out an angry wail.

"I second that."

Lana stood from the sofa and headed in the direction of the front door. She grabbed her keys and her purse from the small table by the entrance. "Where _are_ you going?" Wendy asked.

"I'm out of smokes." Lana said and left the house without another word.

Wendy gave out a heavy sigh and looked at the fussy baby. "What are we going to do with that mother of yours?"

.

Boston was alive that night and there was a bitter cold in the air. Lana parked the car in the parking lot of a convenient store and lit a smoke. Her eyes glanced up at the sound of a couple walking across the lot. They laughed loudly and crashed amongst each other as they did so.

Lana's eyes left them and to the lot across the street where there was a seedy little bar. She wondered when she would ever step foot inside one of those again now that she was the mother of an infant. Wendy had gone on about how alcohol was bad if she was breastfeeding.

Lana scoffed at all the rules Wendy had set up for her now that Johnny was in their lives. She leaned back against the car seat and blew out the smoke through the open window. The cold pricked at her skin but it didn't seem to bother her at all. Her body had undergone far worse than a little bit of weather.

"Oh, what the hell." Lana stepped out of the car, slammed the door and made her way to the bar.

.

Johnny continued to fuss through the night. He was uncomfortable and cried endlessly. Wendy paced around the living room, glancing at the front door and then over at the clock on the wall. "Lana, where the hell are you?" She grew anxious and continued to pace.

Lana had been gone for over two hours and Wendy began to grow worried. She peered into the portable bassinet where Johnny lay and noticed that he looked a little red. She stepped closer and put her fingers to his cheek. He was burning up.

"Oh, fuck."

.

The jazz music flowed lazily in the background of the bar. The hard taste of scotch was like heaven sent to Lana Winters as it past her lips. It was her second drink and she figured the boy could go on with his formula for just a little while. She was sure he'd be fine.

Lana had been talking to an older gentleman who had fought in World War I. He told he that he had been just a young man when he was drafted to the war. His story was really tantalizing and it helped Lana forget about post-partum for just a moment.

"My father fought in the second war." Lana said, "I was just a little girl while he was away but I remember missing him so much while he was gone." She took a drink from her liquor, "Even though he was very strict."

"Fathers always have their ways of showing affection." Said the man. "My father died when I was very young. My mother raised me."

Lana thought of Johnny and her head spun a little from her second drink. "Did you miss him?"

"I wish I could say yes." The man looked a little forlorn, "But my mother was enough."

Lana nodded to herself, "That's very nice, Phil. Thank you for that." She patted his arm and turned back to her drink.

Another man in a dark brown suit placed his hat upon the bar and took a seat next to Lana. He eyed her for a moment before he spoke to her, "Late, isn't it?"

It took Lana a moment to answer her. She kept her eyes ahead of her. "I didn't notice."

The man chuckled and raised his hand half way up to grab the bar tender's attention. "Martini. Dry." He looked to Lana, "And the lady will have?" He waited for Lana's response.

Lana set her empty glass on the bar counter. "Nothing." She smiled at the bar tender, "I will have nothing." She looked to the man, "But thank you."

The man looked somewhat disappointed but kept his grin up and scooted his stool closer. "I don't think I've ever had someone deny my offer for a drink before."

"I guess there's a first time for everything." Lana stood from the bar and placed a few dollars on the counter as a tip for the bar tender. "Goodnight." She told him.

"Wait, wait, hold on." He reached out to grab her wrist.

Lana quickly pulled away before he could grab her. "You're really barkin' up the wrong tree, pal."

"How so?"

"There's already a boy in my life." She said and turned to wave at Phil, "Have a good night, Phil." Phil waved back and Lana left the bar without another word.

.

When Lana opened the door to the house she braced herself for an argument with Wendy but when she stepped inside, the house was silent. Too silent.

Lana dropped her things on the counter and closed the door behind her. "Wendy?" She called out, ignoring the fact that she could wake the baby, "Wendy!"

There was no answer.

Lana's heart began to accelerate and she checked the house for them but they were gone. She came back to the living room where she noticed a note on the coffee table. She picked it up and read it to herself. When she finished reading the words upon the letter, her heart sunk into her chest and she thought she would faint. She dropped the note and hurried out of the house.

.

Wendy sat in the waiting room of the urgent care center. It was past midnight and she wondered where Lana could be, but she was even more concerned about Johnny's health. Upon arriving at the hospital, he was extremely feverish and he had not stopped crying.

Wendy nervously chewed off all her fingernails. "Picked the perfect night to wander off…" She muttered about Lana, "Great timing…"

"Wendy?"

Wendy glanced up and saw the frantic woman enter the waiting room. When their eyes met, Wendy stood and Lana rushed to her.

"Where is he? Where's my son?"

"Lana, calm down, he's with the doctors now."

"What happened?" Lana grabbed Wendy's arms.

Wendy smelt the alcohol on her breath and stepped back. She looked around to make sure no one was watching them and whispered hotly, "Where the _hell_ were you? You were drinking, weren't you?"

Lana shook her head, "I didn't mean to."

"You didn't mean to? Lana, you didn't mean to forget to warm up his bottle. You didn't mean to forget to throw out the garbage. This is totally different."

"Wendy, this is _not_ the time. I want to see him. I want to see my boy."

"Your boy?"

"Yes." Lana said firmly with strong intent.

Wendy broke out into a smile and hugged Lana. She knew Lana would come around to the boy and seeing the worry in her eyes proved it. Lana cared for her son. "Oh, shit. Lana, you have no idea how terrified I was when you weren't there."

Lana hugged her back. "I shouldn't have left. I'm sorry." The fear of coming home to an empty house had killed Lana's buzz and buried it six feet under. She was wide awake and alert.

"You're here now." Wendy took her hand.

A nurse stepped out from the double doors and approached them. "Ms. Peyser?"

"Yes, yes, that's me." Wendy went to her, "How is he?"

The nurse gave them a soft smile, "He's fine. He was just over heating in his pajamas."

Both women frowned and looked at one another, "What?" Lana asked, "Over heating?"

"It happens often in small infants when they're dressed too warmly. Especially around this weather, parents tend to over dress them."

"So he's all right?" Wendy asked cautiously just to make sure that she had understood correctly.

"He's fine. You can take him home now, if you'd like."

" _Yes_." Lana was the first to speak, "Yes, we would."

.

Lana carried the baby boy in through the front door of the house. She had been so terrified when she read that Wendy had taken him to the hospital. She felt a cold, harsh panic run through her and she felt as if she couldn't breathe. All she wanted to do was see him and make sure he was all right. Now, a heavenly relief flowed through her. Even though the baby had only been with them for less than a month, Lana already couldn't remember life without him.

Wendy on the other hand was over joyed at the way Lana had behaved at the hospital. She had really shown an interest in her son's health and over all well being that it gave Wendy high hopes for the future. She watched Lana carry the baby to their room and to bed.

"Looks like he won't be wearing these again." Wendy raised the thick wool pajamas he had been wearing when he overheated.

Lana sat on the edge of the bed with the baby still in arms. She looked down at his little cherubic face and brushed his cheek. "Gave us quite the scare, didn't he?"

Wendy sat at her side and leaned her head on Lana's shoulder, "That he did."

"Oh, little boy, little boy." Lana sighed, "Go easy on us."


	9. But the Past

**Don't own AHS.**

 **A/N:** Thanks for all the love and support! I hope I'm writing Wendy well. There wasn't too much of her in Asylum so I'm trying to get a hold of her character. Lana, like always is so hard to write and keep in character lol but I like how this is turning out so far and I hope you guys are to. Also, I recently received a really positive review to Dear Father and it got me all teary eyed because that was the fic that lead to all of this. But dang, before I start to get all mushy, please enjoy the new chapter.

.

 **NINE**

But the Past

.

 **NOVEMBER 1965**

"Does he look a little small to you?" Lana asked; she was extremely concerned about the baby's weight and had finally decided to voice her thoughts on the matter.

Wendy looked from her book to the baby lying on the bed between them. They were just settling down for bed and reading to themselves when Lana asked the question. Wendy hadn't thought the boy looked small; on the contrary, he looked the right size for his age. Lana was just paranoid; she had been ever since they came home from the hospital the night they thought Johnny was sick.

"Four weeks in and I say the chunk is setting in pretty well." Wendy smiled at the baby. He was a lot bigger than he was when they first brought him home.

Lana extended her arm and grabbed his little foot, running her finger along his little toes. Johnny squirmed at his mother's touch and gave out a little squeal. Lana was amused at the fact that it tickled him or so it appeared that it did. She found herself smiling gently at the boy and had to admit to herself that she had become extremely overprotective of him since he had come home from the hospital. Even though Lana didn't show the affection that Wendy did, she was much closer to him.

"Do you think he'll be fine once I go back to work?"

Wendy frowned at this, "Lana, I don't think you should be going back to work any time soon."

"You know I have to."

"You don't _have_ to. You want to."

"Well, I need to and yes, I want to as well."

"Lana, you should at least wait until the holidays are over."

It was late November and it would be Christmas before they even knew it. Lana and Wendy spent Christmas Eve with their friends at cocktail party hosted by one of the girls. They spent Christmas mornings to themselves in their home where peering eyes couldn't see. They drank wine and ate cookies and opened each other's gifts. However, the upcoming Christmas would be their first with the boy. It was an odd feeling and Lana couldn't quite picture their tiny Christmas tree littered with toys. She knew Wendy would go all out for Johnny but Lana was still settling in to all the change his presence would bring.

"It seems more rational that I go back _before_ the holidays. I wouldn't mind it." Lana said.

Johnny began to squirm and gave out an angry whine. Wendy sat up to pick him up but Lana was at his beck and call before she knew it. She took the boy into her arms and stood to cradle him around the room. Wendy said nothing at first; she only gave a half smile, pleased that Lana was becoming closer to her son.

Lana grabbed the pacifier from the vanity and placed it in Johnny's mouth. He fought it a little but took it in the end and settled down.

"He's quite the little piggy, isn't he?" Lana asked.

Wendy laughed, "Oh, yes, he's quite the porker."

Lana looked down at her child. He suckled his pacifier while he kept his eyes on his mother's gaze. Those cobalt blues shined so brightly, even in the dimly lit room. His plump rosy cheeks were so kissable but Lana resisted the urge. She thought of Oliver and wondered if he had been the same as a boy. Lana couldn't help to think of him every time she saw the boy and she wondered if one day that would subside.

.

That night, Johnny slept in his cradle by the bed while the two women slept side by side. It was fifteen minutes past three when Lana began to stir. She turned her head from one side to the other and her forehead covered in cold sweat. She began to mumble incoherencies while her mind pulled her back into Thredson's basement.

 _The chain was heavy around her ankle and her skin burned when she tried to pull herself free. Her heart accelerated at a quick pace and she could barely hear her thoughts masked behind her heavy breathing. She pulled at the chain that was attached to the bolt on the cold, tiled floor._

" _Please!" Lana begged in between sobs, "Please!"_

 _She could hear the infant crying from behind the heavy door._

" _Give him back!" Lana screamed at the top of her lungs. She lost her strength and fell to the floor, "Please give me back my boy!"_

Lana's terrified cries woke Wendy with a jolt. She sat straight up and looked around the darkness before she was able to gather her bearings and make sense of what was going on. She quickly turned the light on her nightstand on and turned to Lana. She was kicking about in a fit crying nonsense. The baby was screaming in his cradle, terrified by his mother's cries.

"Lana!" Wendy shook Lana awake, "Wake up!"

Lana's eyes fluttered open to greet the ceiling of her bedroom. She gasped and took in a deep breath. "The baby. Wendy, the baby." She grabbed a tight hold of Wendy's nightgown and yanked her closer.

Wendy grabbed her hands, "Lana, calm down. He's here."

Lana sat up and buried her face in her hands, continuing to cry. "I need him, I need to see him!"

Wendy quickly went to fetch the boy, plucking him from the cradle. The poor boy was so spooked he was crying tears. "He's here, Lana. He's right here."

Lana opened her eyes and saw her child in Wendy's hands. She took him and pressed him to her chest making sure he was real. He cries came to a stop but her breathing was still labored. She tried to calm herself down but the fear was too intense. "Shh, shh, I'm sorry." She whispered to Johnny, softly calming him down. He cried for another minute or two until he finally settled down.

"Holy shit, Lana." Wendy said out of breath. She sat next to Lana on the edge of her side of the bed. "What happened?"

"I don't know." Lana closed her eyes and another pair of tears rolled down her cheeks. "He took him. Thredson took my boy."

Wendy placed her hand on Lana's thigh. "Lana, it was but a nightmare. Thredson's dead, he can no longer hurt you."

Lana pulled away from the baby and held him before her. He was wide-awake with his brows in a tiny little frown. Lana kissed his forehead and breathed in his delicious new baby scent. The kid smelled like heaven and Lana could never pinpoint what it was. Nevertheless, his softness calmed her and his warmth soothed her. She was fine and he was fine. Thredson was dead and he would never harm them.

"It was just a night terror." Wendy assured her, "You've had a lot on your mind."

Lana nodded and hugged the boy to her chest again. "I know."

Wendy opened her hands to take the boy, "Do you want me to take him back to his bed?"

Lana slightly pulled him away from him. "No. Leave him with me for just a little while longer."

Wendy smiled gently at her, "All right." She stood and went around to her side of the bed. Lana carefully lay Johnny between them for a little while longer. She listened to him coo and felt him squirm until he finally went back to sleep. And when he fell asleep, she stood and took him back to his cradle and crawled back into bed with Wendy.

Wendy turned to her and let Lana bury herself in her arms. Wendy held her tight and kissed her forehead. "Oh, Lana. Everything will work out, just you wait and see."

Lana closed her eyes, "He's going to haunt me for the rest of my life, isn't he?"

"Only if you let him."

Lana whispered, "If you had seen what I've seen…you'd never be the same…"

Wendy lifted Lana's face to greet her gaze. "I'm so sorry." She kissed Lana's lips, "I'm sorry."

It was all Wendy could really say.

.

The streets of downtown Boston were filled with cars and people in the midst of holiday cheer. Wendy went through the outdoor shopping center with her friend Barb. She had left Lana with the baby back at the house. It had started to snow and they figured it be best not to take Johnny out in the cold when he was still so small. On December 16th he'd be turning two months old and Wendy couldn't believe how fast time was already going. He'd be crawling by the summer. Wendy knew it was months away but those months would go by like days.

The two women went inside a baby shop to look around. Wendy had mentioned she wanted to start picking Christmas presents before the crowds began to gather. It was November but the Christmas decorations were already out and wreaths adorned the front of every shop.

"Geez, it's like they can't wait." Barb said.

"Next thing you'll know, the decorations will come out in October." Wendy said as she picked up a couple of onesies.

Barb did the same, "How's the baby doing?"

"Oh, he's marvelous, Barb. Growing too fast but he's so good."

Barb smiled pleased to hear it. "And Lana?" She sounded a bit nervous when she asked about the mother herself.

Wendy placed the onesies down and gave out a sigh, "She's trying. She really is." Wendy gave a half smile, "But it's the sweetest thing seeing her with him. She's still so awkward and often clueless but you can tell she's really getting attached."

"That's great to hear. That boy deserves a loving family."

Wendy picked a yellow onesie, a navy one and a red one and placed them in the little shopping basket hanging from her arm. "I just wish Lana could see that she's being a good mother. She doubts herself too much." She went over to a shelf of stuffed animals and picked one out. It was a stuffed Husky dog. "But she's too damn stubborn to see it."

.

Lana sat Indian style on the sofa in the living room with the baby lying on his blanket next to her; he had a pacifier in his mouth. Lana was watching _The Addams Family_. She remembered the first episode had aired about a month or so before she arrived in Briarcliff. She didn't know why she had remembered that useless fact but she had. She watched with a pensive expression and when Johnny spit the pacifier out of his mouth, she reached for it without looking from the television and popped it right back in so he could continue to suckle comfortably.

Lana didn't know why Wendy was going Christmas shopping so early, she did so every single year and Lana always waited till the very last minute. They were still in November and Lana just didn't see the point but Wendy was far too excited to shop for the boy that Lana didn't bother stopping her.

Lana still felt a little lingering taste of the post-partum depression but for the most part she was overcoming it. It came and went but it never lingered for long. Lana was glad for that, she hated feeling limited.

Johnny began to coo behind his pacifier and make little noises. Lana didn't look away from the television but she responded, "Really? You don't say."

Johnny immediately responded to her voice and began to kick his legs. He dropped the pacifier from his mouth and began to squeal. Lana finally looked over at him, "Chatty little thing, aren't you?"

Johnny continued to coo and kick about. He was really squirmy but at his young age he still didn't do much but look around and register his surroundings. Wendy had bought multiple baby books that Lana hadn't bothered to read but Wendy did mention that he would begin to smile on his own in no time. Her guess would be at two months. Lana didn't take a guess. She didn't think to do so, really.

When Johnny didn't get her full attention, he began to cry out. "All right, come here." Lana picked him up and laid him on her lap. He stopped crying right away. Lana frowned, "You big faker…" She glanced back to the television and continued to watch her show. "I wonder if Morticia ever had to deal with this post-partum bullshit." Lana reached to the small lamp table by the sofa for a cigarette but Johnny's little squeals brought her back to him. Wendy didn't want her to smoke around him and so Lana set the cigarettes aside.

Lana grabbed the pacifier and once again gave it to Johnny. Whenever her hand brushed his cheek, he gave her a reflex smile. It looked like the real thing but Lana knew it was just his reflexes reacting to her touch. Still, it was adorable and she knew it. "You better not look like that man, you hear?" She softly tapped his little button nose; "I made you so you owe me…" She looked back to the show unsure of why she had told him that.

His big blues continued to follow the movement of her expressions and he wailed his little arms about. His breathing exhilarated as if he was excited and he began to make funny little sounds.

"He's excited to see you." Wendy had told her countless times and Lana was beginning to see that it was true.

It didn't take Wendy long to come home. Lana looked up and glanced at the door. She frowned immediately, "Oh, my goodness. Are you fucking serious, Wendy?"

Wendy walked in through the door with countless bags. "Yes, I am fucking serious, Lana."

Lana laughed, "Why?"

"It's our first Christmas as a family of three. I thought it would be appropriate."

"Appropriate? It isn't even December."

"Yes, well I, unlike you, like to avoid the last minute shopping frenzies."

Lana turned her attention back to the show, "There's nothing like a holiday crowd…"

It would be Lana's first Christmas since coming home from Briarcliff. She had spent the last year there fighting to get out. Wendy had spent it alone with a bottle of Brandi.

Wendy set the bags down and went to scoop the boy from Lana's lap. "Did he behave?"

"He was an angel." Lana said half sarcastically.

Wendy scoffed, "Your mother is quite the smart ass, isn't she?" Johnny gave out a little growl and Wendy smiled. "Have you eaten yet?" She asked Lana.

"Not yet."

Wendy took Johnny to the kitchen and began to go on and on about what to make for dinner. Lana usually cooked but in those days she didn't step into the kitchen much. Lana stood from the sofa and went into the den where she sat at her desk, in front of her type writer and stared at the empty papers in front of her.

Lana reached into the bottom drawer of her desk. Before she reached into it, Lana glanced up to make sure no one was coming. She could hear Wendy from the kitchen baby talking to Johnny. Once she knew she wouldn't be bothered, Lana turned her attention back to the bottom drawer where inside was a manuscript with the title "Maniac".


	10. The Night Before

**Don't own AHS**

 **A/N:** Thanks for all the positivity! I know a ton of you asked me to update so I took the time to do so. Also, the whole Christmas construction paper stocking thing was something I did in fourth grade and has been one of my favorite memories since so yeah, I just threw that in there. Anywayssssssss enjoy the new chapter!

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 **TEN**

The Night Before

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Wendy had asked the young teenage boy that lived across the street if he could help her put up the Christmas lights. Young Dany Denning was more than pleased to help and it didn't take him and his friend long to do so. Wendy paid them with a few dollars each and some cookies. Lana stood outside the house with crossed arms and a skeptic pout that she had been carrying around since October. She glanced up at the Christmas lights wondering how much the electricity bill would be and before she could open her mouth to complain, Wendy nudged her.

"Don't put that face, it's the holidays."

Lana brought out a cigarette and lit it. Wendy was trying to get her to quit for Johnny's sake but he was currently inside napping. "These holidays are going to put us out of house and home." Lana commented, blowing out the smoke into the dim gray evening.

Wendy scoffed at Lana's pouty behavior. She thought about hugging Lana from behind but glanced over her shoulder to see Mr. Karl from across the street getting out of his car. His wife, Elda Karl went out to meet him. Wendy looked back and kept her distance from Lana. As far as the neighborhood was concerned, they were two single women boarding together. Of course, with Johnny's birth, Lana's sexuality wasn't put to question but her morals were (at least to some of the older women who held old school beliefs). They thought she should be married but never imagined she was a lesbian.

"Get into the spirit, Lana. Don't be a Scrooge."

Lana tilted her head back and let out a "Hah!" So loud that Elda Karl turned around to look at them before she went inside. "And let me guess, you're Old St. Nick." Lana inhaled from her cigarette.

"St. Nick?"

Lana headed back inside the house and Wendy followed after her. "What in the world are you talking about?" She closed the door behind them as to not let the cold in.

"That." Lana gestured to the undecorated Christmas tree that sat in front of the window. It had no decorations, yet under it sat multiple wrapped gifts and Lana already knew they were all for Johnny.

Wendy glanced over at the gifts and laughed, "Oh, that doesn't mean anything."

Little Johnny began to cry from their room down the hall. "Sure it doesn't." Lana put out her cigarette right away and went to fetch him. She had become very attentive to him but she still struggled and often became impatient and stressed with him.

"Anyway, help me put up these decorations. It wouldn't kill you."

"It might just." Lana came back with the two-month-old baby in arms. He was bright eyed and bushy-tailed and most likely ready to be up all night. Lana had him positioned up right with her arm under his bottom and her other hand rested against his back as he leaned against her chest and looked around.

"Oh, stop."

The two women stood in front of the tree. Wendy was awfully excited for Christmas but Lana on the other hand was a bit hesitant. She hated getting caught in all the chaos of last minute shopping even though she knew she wasn't going to make the effort to go any earlier. Christmas was two weeks away and she didn't plan on visiting the shopping centers any time soon.

Johnny began to fuss and Lana softly shushed him. She rocked him gently and rubbed his back. Wendy kissed Lana's lips and said she was going to get started on the decorating. Lana felt Wendy's kiss burning on her lips and when she glanced to the window, the curtains were open. Lana felt a sense of happiness surge through her and she held the boy in her arms just a little bit tighter.

Lana helped Wendy decorate the tree that night but not once did she set Johnny down. She held an ornament in front of him for him to see. Johnny eyed it with big blues and raised his hand to swat at it but made no real effort to grab it. He cooed and made little sounds of excitement. He kicked his legs and squirmed about in a cheerful mood. Wendy noticed how sweet Lana was when she showed him a bright red sphere to the boy and then hung it on the tree. She talked softly to him, commenting on how pretty it was. For a single moment, Wendy saw how calm Lana was. It was the first time in weeks she had seen her so at ease.

The night terrors continued on even during the most beautiful of December days. Johnny was always the first to wake, alarmed by his mother's frustrated cries. Lana woke up in cold sweat and fits. It was usually Wendy who set her free from her nightly torments. Lana didn't speak much of the dreams to Wendy because she didn't like to remember, or because they terrified her too much to repeat. However, Wendy comforted her fears and Lana opened up.

Lana dreamed about her electro shock therapies in Briarcliff. She dreamed of the disgusting hallways, the insanity, and the emaciated people. She dreamed about Dominique on repeat over and over until her head spun with dizziness. She dreamed about Oliver Thredson and the night he helped her escape. She dreamed about lamps made out of skin and shackles around her ankles. She dreamt of his face and his voice and his hands upon her skin.

Some dreams were worse than others. Sometimes she dreamt of the rape. Others of the women that had been there before her. Sometimes she dreamt of Kit Walker with a bruised face, others of Sister Jude with a flogging cane or in shambles. And sometimes, she dreamt of Johnny. In some dreams, he was but a young boy, no older than seven, crying for her. In the others, he was a man, damning her for abandoning him.

It was the guilt, Lana thought. The guilt of what she had written about him in that manuscript that she kept hidden in her study. However, there were those nights in where she slept soundly. She did dream of her boy but she dreamt of him with a smile on his face. Those were the nights she hoped for.

Wendy had suggested they move the baby to the second room so he could sleep soundly but Lana wanted to have him near. "You act like you've never heard of the Lindbergh baby." She said.

Wendy scoffed, "Lana, that's _not_ going to happen. You're paranoid."

"Like a fox." She said and went outside for a cigarette.

Once Johnny was put to sleep that night, Wendy went to meet Lana out on the front porch. She sat next to her and asked, "Nothing bad is going to happen anymore, you know that right?"

Lana exhaled the smoke and looked over at Wendy, "Sometimes I'm not so sure."

Wendy nudged her, "You'll be fine."

Lana often wanted to talk to Wendy about the horrors of Briarcliff in hopes that it would ease her pain of the past but she knew Wendy wouldn't fully understand. Only someone like Kit Walker would.

Lana decided to change the subject. "Your mother called this morning." She said with a cold tone.

Wendy was a bit surprised but her mother often called during the holidays. "Oh? What did she say?"

Lana tapped her cigarette, "Oh, not much. You know how much she loves me…"

Wendy laughed. "My mother likes you plenty."

"Your mother abhors me."

"No she does not. It's all in your head."

Lana didn't say much and just took another hit from her cigarette. Wendy's parents didn't know of their relationship or of their daughter's sexuality but they didn't approve that Wendy live alone with another woman when she could be married and living with a husband. They thought Lana's lifestyle of an unmarried woman by choice was corrupting their daughter. If only they knew.

.

The following morning Wendy went off to work. She was extremely excited for it since she had a few holiday themed activities for the children. She told Lana that on that day they were going to take some time before recess to place little trinkets and gifts into each other's stockings. Early on in the month, Wendy had her class make stockings out of construction paper and glitter to hang them on the wall. Every other day, the children were allowed to drop things in their classmate's stockings so on the last day of class before holiday vacation, they could take them down and collect their gifts from inside. Wendy was so thrilled with the idea.

"What if one of your students doesn't get anything?" Lana asked, skeptic of the little activity. "That Robby of yours isn't very popular is he?"

"Oh, Lana, don't pick on poor Robby. Anyway, I make sure every stocking has something. They have to learn to be nice to each other."

"And if they don't?"

Wendy sighed, "Then I'll fill it myself, Lana stop being snarky."

"I'm just saying." Lana took Johnny out of his cradle and placed him on the bed to change him.

"At first I was concerned because not all the children in class celebrate Christmas but I got them to sign a permission slip from their parents so they don't feel left out." Wendy continued on. She loved to talk about her students.

Lana continued to listen while she got Johnny out of his pajamas and began to change his diaper. The little boy lay naked and squirmed around while Lana struggled to put a clean diaper on him. She was sure she should have had it down by then but his squirming frustrated her.

"Lana are you listening?" Wendy asked.

Lana set the diaper down. "Yes, I'm listening."

Wendy walked over and took the diaper from Lana's hands and put it on Johnny without any effort. Lana sighed but shook it off and forced a smile. "That's sweet of you to get all the kids to participate." She looked down at Johnny who kicked his chunky little legs. "Even Robby."

"Thank you." Wendy kissed Lana's lips and pulled away, "I love you. Even when you're cranky."

"I'm not cranky but I love you too." Lana said and continued to dress the baby. "Why do you give me such a hard time?" She asked Johnny.

Johnny only squealed and flashed his mother a bright gummy smile. Lana paused, "Wendy?"

Wendy who was at the vanity putting on lipstick turned around, "Yes?"

"I think—I think he's smiling at me." Lana looked down to the baby.

Wendy hurried over to her side, completely delighted. "Make him do it again, I want to see."

"I'm not even sure what I did." Lana admitted.

"Well, just talk to him!" Wendy was obviously giddy.

"All right then…" she turned back to the baby unsure of how to go about it, "Hi, little boy."

Johnny's blues looked at his mother and another wide smile spread across his little pink lips. He squealed and kicked his legs, excited at the sound of her voice. Wendy wanted to cry and covered her mouth, "Oh goodness, he's so precious!" She leaned against Lana and kissed her head, "See? He adores you."

Wendy's words stayed with Lana for days.

.

The days flew by quicker than Lana intended them to. Every day she said she was going to sit and work on her manuscript while Wendy was at work but she never found the time to do so. Johnny took up much of her time and Lana could never find time for herself and when she finally did, she was too afraid to open that drawer and avoided the manuscript like a plague. She had started writing it soon after she came home from Briarcliff once the chaos had gone down. She had stopped writing it a few weeks before Johnny was born and hadn't worked on it since then but once in a while would bring it out to read through it.

She had said such cruel things about the boy and often regretted them. Lana could only imagine the scene that would play out if Wendy ever found it. _If_ she ever did. Lana still hadn't finished it and when she looked at the sweet two-month-old that had begun to smile at her, she didn't think she could.

Lana was still learning much about being a mother. She wasn't very good at it but she didn't consider herself a quitter so she went on with it the best she could. And like learning to be a mother, she was still learning a lot about Johnny himself. Even at two months old, he was already starting to develop his own personality. Lana noted that he loved the sound of ripping paper but he loved the sound of her voice the most. He liked his rattle but dislike a stuffed clown Wendy had brought home one day. Wendy didn't know why it made him cry but Lana did. It was a clown. There was nothing else to it.

He liked to be rocked to sleep and his favorite place to nap was on his mothers' chests. He hated being bathed and cried bloody murder; Lana didn't know a baby could have such a strong set of lungs. He adored his pacifier and his naps but Lana found it hard to get him down for one every single time. Wendy was a lot better at it or so Lana thought but at the end of the day, it was Lana who the boy sought for.

 **CHRISTMAS EVE 1965**

Of course like every year, Lana waited until the very last minute to go Christmas shopping. Wendy had gone to visit Lois and Barb since they would be missing their annual Christmas cocktail party to spend it at home with the baby, just the three of them. Lana was hesitant to take the baby out into such chaos but had no other choice. She wrapped him up in his baby sling, safely secured to her chest and went off to venture into the over-crowded-last-minute sea of shoppers.

Lana struggled on what to get Wendy for Christmas. Christmas of '63, she had gotten her a pearl necklace, of course back in '63 they didn't have infant expenses to worry about nor had they hit a bump in their relationship called Briarcliff. Still, Lana wanted to forgive and forget.

"What do you think of this one?" Lana asked baby Johnny as she held up a hummingbird shaped brooch she had picked out from all the selections. Surely she could manage to spend just a little.

Johnny was awake and his blue eyes were on the brooch. He made little noises but mostly drooled on his mother's coat. Lana had him safely wrapped around her with his little beanie-covered head resting against her chest.

"I thought so." Lana put the brooch back. "What should we get her then?" Johnny cooed again and Lana scoffed, "Well what's your idea, smart guy?"

Johnny yawned.

Lana scoffed, "I thought so…"

After a few more hours of looking around the department store, Lana managed to pick Wendy the right gift. While shopping, she had received many compliments on her baby boy from other women. Lana only smiled and thanked them politely and after a moment, realized she hadn't gotten the boy anything.

So before going home, she stopped at a toy store to buy Johnny's gift even though he was with her. "Just act surprised." She told him and rubbed his back reassuringly. Luckily, Johnny was asleep by then and when she arrived home, she stashed her gifts in the closet and met with Wendy.

Their Christmas Eve at home was as Wendy put it, divine. They had dinner and listened to the Carolers that came to their doorstep. After, they sat together on the sofa and watched Christmas movies that aired on television like _It's a Wonderful Life, Miracle on 34_ _th_ _Street,_ and the new _A Charlie Brown Christmas_ that Wendy chose for Johnny. Lana said he was too little to watch but to Wendy it didn't matter. But just like Lana predicted, the baby was fast asleep before the cartoon was even over. The two women put him to bed soon after and returned back to the living room to continue the night. It was a simple night but it was enjoyable.

Despite the freezing chill outside, the Winters-Peyser residence was warm within. Lana had lit the fire in the chimney and the two women sat upon the blanket in front of the fire with glasses of wine in hand. The lights were off and the living room was only lit by the fire itself and the Christmas tree lights. Lana's eyes were set on the fire, her mind far from the Christmas celebrations. Wendy's attention was set on the tree and all the presents underneath. She had opted to wait to open the gifts in the morning so Johnny could be present. Lana didn't mind it.

"It's quite lovely isn't it?" She asked.

Lana glanced over at the tree. "Quite."

Wendy looked to Lana. "This is our first Christmas back together."

Lana averted her gaze realizing it to be true. "Surely not our last."

This made Wendy grin and she leaned into kiss Lana. When the two women pulled away, Wendy grabbed their glasses and set them aside. After, she turned back to Lana and kissed her again. Their lips flowed perfectly together and Wendy knew that there was no one else in the world meant for her than Lana. But every little kiss was filled with a sense of tiny guilt over the paper she had signed for Sister Jude. Wendy tried to bury it in the back of her mind and often succeeded. If Lana had forgiven her, there should have been no reason to doubt it. No reason to hesitate.

Wendy pushed Lana down onto the blanket and began to undress her. She then placed small kisses down her neck and down to the gap between her clavicles. Lana gasped when Wendy's lips reached down her stomach and past her hips. Lana's hands clenched the blanket beneath her and her toes curled at the immense pleasure. She let out a sigh and a moan. Her hands reached down and her fingers twined themselves in Wendy's hair. The sensation was heavenly and Lana fought against crying out in pure pleasure but just before she hit that climax, a sharp little cry interrupted her ascent to heaven itself.

Wendy pulled away, alarmed.

"Fuck!" Lana covered her face, a bit frustrated that they had been interrupted.

Wendy looked at her and laughed.

Lana sighed heavily, "I can't have anything nice, can I?"

Wendy hovered over her and kissed her forehead. "Oh, stop."

Johnny continued to cry even louder since his cries went unattended right away. "I got him." Wendy quickly dressed and went to fetch the baby while Lana herself dressed.

When Wendy returned with the baby, he was all bundled up in his red pajamas. He was wide-awake and cooed when he saw his mother. "Look who wanted to join us." Wendy sat across from Lana on the blanket and handed her the baby.

"You look pretty pleased with yourself, don't you?" Lana asked Johnny. Johnny flashed her that impish little smile of his. Lana scoffed but smiled, no less. She just couldn't help it.


	11. You Wouldn't Like Me

**A/N:** Thanks for all the support! I don't think I've had a story with so many reviews asking me to update like this one. Not even DJ!

H2oPll, I think the reason why I never brought up Lana's birthday (partially because I forgot lol) was because when Lana is on her own in DJ, she doesn't care to make a big deal about her birthday (I like to think she's one of those people who avoid it at all costs) but here in The Cosmos, she's not alone so she has to suck it up.

Also, next month I have a brand new baby nephew coming into the world and I kid you not, I swear on all that I love that his parents were this freaking close to naming him Johnny Benjamin. Johnny freakin' Benjamin! As soon as I heard the name I spit my drink and almost cried, "HOW DID YOU KNOW?" (Because what kind of coincidence is that?!) But I didn't. I kept my cool and cried inside at how freaking cute that coincidence was. You guys, I'm not even making this up. Sadly, that's not the name they chose after all ): but I almost died at the fact that my nephew's name was going to be Johnny.

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 **ELEVEN**

You Wouldn't Like Me

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"Lana, hold him up." Wendy directed as she held up the camera.

Lana sat by the Christmas tree with the boy in arms. She didn't look too thrilled with Wendy's overly excited attitude. It was as if she had become one of those overbearing mother's that wanted to take a photo of her children every five minutes.

"Wendy, that's enough, you'll blind him." Lana scolded her. Setting the boy on her lap.

Wendy exhaled, lowering the camera from her face, "Lana, cooperate for once, will you?"

"You've already taken a million. How much more do you need?" Lana questioned with much annoyance.

"Just a few more." Wendy snapped another photo of mother and child.

Lana was the next to exhale. "Can we just open these and get it over with?"

"Stop being so selfish." Wendy scolded her. "This is Johnny's first Christmas, let him enjoy it."

"I'm pretty sure he doesn't even know what's going on."

Wendy frowned at her, "Stop stealing Christmas, you Grinch."

Lana opened her mouth to speak but had no counter argument so she let Wendy go on about her business. For the rest of the morning she put no complaints what so ever. Posing for a few photos was far better than spending the holiday locked away in Briarcliff.

There were worse things to endure.

 **1966**

The fact that he always made a fuss when Lana walked into the room made her feel even more guilt over the manuscript hidden in her desk. The baby squealed, cooed and squirmed every single time he spotted Lana. The fact made Wendy absolutely giddy. She always dotted over the boy, making excuses for his fussing and crying; picking him up every chance she got.

"You'll spoil him." Lana scolded her.

"I don't see a problem in that."

"I do," Lana stated. She sat at the vanity fixing her hair, "Two years from now when we have a rotten toddler on our hands."

Wendy lifted Johnny before her; the fact that Lana spoke of their future excited her for what lay ahead. It made her nervous too, however. There was a sense of doubt in Wendy when it came to facing the world. Not for what would happen to them, but what would happen to the boy.

It was Monday morning and Lana was going back to work for the first time in months. Wendy as well was returning back to her students after Christmas and New Years.

"Oh, he won't be rotten. He'll be a perfect little gentleman, won't you Johnny B.?"

Johnny cooed, a little bit of drool running down his lip.

Wendy cradled him and wiped his lip. "I hope Mrs. Denning takes good care of him."

"I'm sure she will." Lana stated, keeping her eyes on the mirror. She came off nonchalant but deep down she was filled with nerves and anxiety at leaving the boy behind in the care of someone else.

Wendy noticed Lana's distracted expression and worried, "Are you all right?"

Lana cleared her throat and turned around slightly, "Guess I'm just excited to go back to work after so long." She looked at Johnny's little chubby cheeked face and smiled, "Yes, that's it…"

.

Lana struggled somewhat on her first day back. She had been the one to drop Johnny off at the neighbors. Now, Mrs. Denning was a very kind woman in her early forties with children of her own and no husband. Lana knew Johnny would be fine in her care but she couldn't help but to feel anxious. She found that she missed the boy and when she heard him cry after handing him over, a wide range of emotions set themselves loose.

She couldn't concentrate the entire day and continued to think of him. The night before she had dreamt of him as a boy again, sitting by himself in a playground with no one around. She woke up but made no sound or effort to cry out. It took her half the night to fall back asleep.

At the school, Wendy went about her day with a smile upon her face. On her desk she placed a framed photograph of Johnny on Christmas morning. Lana was not in the picture and Wendy felt a bit of sadness. She had sworn she wouldn't be afraid but she still wasn't ready for people to prod into her little family. As far as anyone was concerned, the baby in the photo was her nephew. Not her adopted son.

If Lana knew how Wendy was hiding the truth, she was sure to lose it. Wendy grew distracted from her students to think of the consequences. Lana was sure to leave her and take the boy. She wouldn't dare risk losing everything she ever wanted.

.

The days returned to normal with the exception of their new little member that caused havoc day and night. Lana continued to bury herself in her work when she wasn't busy with her son. She went out on the field for hours at a time to distract herself and clear her mind. She came home late, past dinner and straight to tend to the boy. Wendy was left to care for the baby while Lana was at work. Between Lana's journalism and Johnny, she had left the housework unattended. It caused friction between the two women but Wendy kept calm on the matter and took Lana's chores as well as her own.

Wendy often tried to see things Lana's way. She had been gone from work for so long that she had to fight her way back up from the pedestal from where she had fallen. Of course, her work on opening light upon Briarcliff and closing the place down had gotten her a lot of popularity and now that she was back on the field, she wanted to maintain her good name.

"They keep asking me about him." Lana referred to Johnny one night while she made dinner. It was the first time in weeks that she had done so. And it was only because her leads had run cold and she was faced with no other option than to return home early.

Johnny sat in his baby swing sucking on his pacifier.

"Who is _they_?" Wendy asked as she came into the kitchen. She had just finished grading her student's History reports.

"The reporters from Daily." Lana answered, her back towards Wendy.

"What did you tell them?" Wendy asked, curious about the matter.

She knew Lana didn't want to admit that her child had a father. She had always told strangers that, even those at the grocery stores who had no idea who she was but were mildly interested in the baby boy laying peacefully in his pram. Of course those who knew her a little bit more and were aware of her brush with Bloody Face had put two and two together. Still, they did not dare bring it up to Lana.

"That he's a happy, healthy boy living a normal life." Lana turned to Wendy, "What else am I supposed to tell them?"

Wendy went up to her and glanced into the pot where Lana was making stew. "That your cooking not only tastes like shit but smells like it too?"

Lana exhaled and rolled her eyes, turning from Wendy and stirred her stew with a wooden ladle. "Oh, fuck off, Peyser."

Wendy tilted her head back and laughed, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She wrapped her arms around Lana's waist and rested her chin on Lana's shoulder. "You know I'm only teasing."

"Sure you are." Lana pouted slightly.

"I love you, Lana Winters." Wendy kissed her cheek, "And if I have to put up with your cooking than so be it."

"Tss, you say that now."

"I mean it, always." Wendy glanced over to Johnny who was watching them with big blues.

Lana looked over at him too and didn't bother to shake Wendy off her. "He's growing, isn't he?"

"I say his third month of life is fitting him quite well." Wendy released Lana and made her way to Johnny, taking him out of his swing. "It'll be quite a while before you have to endure your mother's cooking."

Lana laughed, "Yes, well, I'm sure he'll love it."

"Bet on it?"

Both women met eyes and playful smirks.

"Just don't cry when you lose." Lana warned her.

"Well, seeing as how much this boy loves you now, I doubt he'll grow up to dislike anything you make."

Lana let Wendy's words seep in. "Let's hope so…"

.

It was a Sunday afternoon and it had snowed the entire morning. Wendy was doing some Sunday cleaning while Johnny stretched his legs on his blanket in the family room. He had rolled on to his stomach and was attempting to push himself up but was still too weak to do so.

Lana was on the sofa with a notepad going over her notes. She wanted to write an article of her first months as a single mother. It was such a progressive thing in their time and she wanted to make the best of it.

Wendy took the feather duster into Lana's study and began to dust the shelves with countless of books. She then noted the mess upon Lana's desk and sighed, "Lana!" She called out to her.

"What?" Lana replied without taking her eyes off her notepad.

"How do you live comfortably knowing you have all this mess in here?"

"In where?"

"Where else!"

Lana shook her head and glanced down at Johnny, "Still want to live here?"

Johnny looked at her and squealed with excitement, flashing her that gummy smile of his.

Inside Lana's study, Wendy grabbed all the loose papers and placed them in one neat stack. She opened the first drawer to place the papers inside but the drawer was filled with pens, ink and other stationary. Without thinking, Wendy pulled open the last drawer and paused before she set the stack inside. She placed the stack upon the desk and reached into the drawer to pull out a manuscript with the title "Maniac".

Wendy frowned at it, not sure what it was. "Lana?" She called out again with question.

Lana sighed heavily at being interrupted once more, "What is it now?"

"You didn't tell me you were writing a new book!" Wendy's voice sounded rather amused at the fact.

"I'm not!" Lana answered back.

"Quite the interesting tittle you got here!"

And then it dawned on Lana. Her eyes opened widely and she jumped from the sofa and hurried to her study without any hesitation what so ever.

Lana went into the room just in time to see Wendy looking through the pages. She hurried over and snatched the manuscript from her.

"Lana!" Wendy gasped, utterly surprised by her actions, "What's the matter with you? What is that?"

Lana hid the manuscript behind her back. "It's nothing. It's old—it's not ready." Her cheeks flared red and her heart began to accelerate with panic.

Wendy frowned at her. "Well, come out with it."

"It was a piece on Briarcliff. It's not very good."

"Can I read it?" Wendy reached out to her.

"No!" Lana snapped, stepping back.

Wendy grew extremely concerned and quite offended by Lana's attitude concerning the manuscript. "Why won't you let me see it?"

Lana sighed and slumped her shoulders. She gave Wendy a saddened look. "It was a surprise. I wasn't going to tell you until I was done with it." She lied straight through her teeth the way she used to as a child to get out of trouble. A habit she hoped her son didn't inherit from her.

Wendy held her gaze and then chuckled, "Lana, you goof." She smiled at her and cupped Lana's face in her hands, "You're such a perfectionist."

Lana forced a smile, "I just want you to be proud of it."

Wendy kissed her lips. "Well, don't take too long on it, all right?"

Johnny began to cry from the other room, realizing that he had been left alone.

"I got him." Wendy said and left the room without a worry or care. Not even a second thought about the manuscript.

Once she was out of the room, Lana sighed in relief. She couldn't believe Wendy had bought her terrible lie. Still, Lana took the manuscript in both hands and bit her bottom lip. She wanted nothing more than to rid herself of it but couldn't bring herself to. Instead, she hid it behind the books on the tallest shelf of her bookcase where it would be forgotten.


	12. Take On the World

**A/N:** Seriously, I can't thank you all enough for all the positive words I have been receiving on this story and on Dear Johnny. It really means a lot, guys. Seriously.

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 **TWELVE**

Take On the World

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Lana became used to the crying and the overnight feedings. She became used to having a little being in her arms for what seemed like hours on end. The smell of dirty diapers barely fazed her and accidents on her clothing became a norm.

Being a mother had become the norm.

And even though she was becoming used to motherhood, there were things that came with motherhood that Lana struggled to get a grip on.

Doubting was one of Lana's main weaknesses. She doubted her decisions as a mother; she doubted herself. She kept those doubts silent but Wendy could see them. She could see them every time Lana hesitated on a decision, whenever she redid a diaper or when she paced back and forth in the room.

"You're doing a good job, Lana, relax." Wendy told her endlessly.

"He's fine."

"He'll be okay."

"Don't worry."

Were just a few things she found herself repeating.

"I'm just making sure." Lana would reply.

The beginning of March had melted the last lingering bit of snow and brought a daily sunshine that lasted well into the afternoon. However, a small chill still lingered in the air.

On that March morning, Lana paced back in forth in the living room with her attention out the window. It was Sunday and they were expecting company. In her arms she held Johnny settled against her hip. He held a toy to his mouth. At five months, he had become very vocal and made multiple little noises including the occasional growl. He was well on his way to sitting up by himself but still couldn't and wobbled whenever he tried.

Wendy came into the room. She was dressed in a casual dress and her hair was done. "Lana, will you stop pacing? You'll make Johnny dizzy."

Johnny turned at the sound of his name. His doctor said babies his age started to recognize their names.

Wendy took Johnny from Lana and sat him on her hip. She kissed his cheek.

"You know how I get when your mother comes to visit." Lana took another glance out the window, "It's like waiting for the rapture."

Wendy scoffed but bit back a laugh, "Lana, please be nice."

Lana turned from the window to face Wendy. When Johnny saw her he flashed her a gummy smile.

Lana melted at the sight of her boy and opened her palms to him. Johnny squealed with glee and Wendy handed him over.

"You know how important it is to me that you and mother get along." Wendy went on.

"And where are your teeth?" Lana asked Johnny, "His teeth should be coming in."

"Are you listening to me?"

'The book said—"

"Lana!" Wendy cut her off, grabbing her attention. She laughed and went up to her, "Lana, his teeth will come in when they're ready to come in."

"And how will we know?"

"When he won't stop screaming bloody murder, that's when." Wendy went past Lana to the window. She glanced down the street but saw no car approaching.

Lana lifted her head off of Johnny's where she had been resting it for a few seconds and looked to Wendy. "Why? Are you _finally_ going to tell your mother about us?"

Wendy froze and turned around to meet her gaze. "Lana….please…"

Lana scoffed. "You promised you wouldn't hide us from anyone anymore. Do you remember?"

"Yes. But hiding this from the neighbors is different than hiding it from my parents. You know how they are."

"You act like I've never told you about mine." Lana retorted.

"Yes, well, I actually _want_ to stay in contact with my family." As soon as Wendy said that, she regretted it. "Oh, baby, I'm sorry."

Lana took a step back, "I'm going to change _my_ son now. Let me know when the queen of England arrives." And with that Lana left the room.

Wendy shook her head but didn't follow her. There was no use in arguing and Lana would come around.

Lana closed the bedroom door behind her with much frustration.

"I swear to the heavens that woman drives me insane." She laid Johnny on the bed in front of her. "Can you believe the nerve of her?"

Johnny kicked his little legs and looked up at Lana. He laughed and gurgled, blowing little raspberries. Lana sighed and her heart once again melted the way it had begun to do every single time she saw her boy. Lana guessed the day it began to happen was the day he smiled at her. There was something deep inside of her that cried out to her child. It was loud and overbearing with a strength that would not be ignored. It was such a strange feeling that it often overwhelmed and scared Lana.

She guessed it was her mothering instincts that had become attached and over protective of her baby.

She sighed, watching the boy's gummy smile.

Perhaps Wendy was right. Perhaps it wouldn't be smart to tell her mother the truth. Knowing Mrs. Peyser, she would ruin their lives with her nuisance and Lana wanted her family to stay together for Johnny. Maybe they would wait a little while longer before telling her parents. After all, there was no rush.

Still, Lana did want Wendy to eventually face her parents just like she had once faced hers.

"I guess I'm just overreacting, aren't I?" Lana asked Johnny as she undressed him.

"Ah!" Johnny babbled in response.

Lana sighed, "Giggle and laugh now, kid because life won't be so easy for us once you get older."

Lana changed his diaper and changed him into little overalls and a clean shirt. She could already imagine all the things Mrs. Peyser would say about her being a "single mother".

"Lana, hurry! She's here!" Wendy called from the living room.

Lana groaned and picked Johnny up from the bed. "Feel free to cry whenever you want, little boy." Lana told him, "I'll be needing it."

The three women and the baby sat in the living room having lemonade and little sandwiches. Just like Lana had expected it, Mrs. Peyser hadn't been so thrilled to see her and had greeted her with a fake enthusiasm that Lana could see straight through the woman's teeth. But of course, she was truly happy to see her daughter and greeted her with a hug and multiple kisses.

"It's a lovely home you have here. I'm sure I've told you that before." Mrs. Peyser commented as Wendy served her some lemonade, "You redecorated, didn't you sweetheart?"

Wendy smiled, "No, Mother. Lana did."

Mrs. Peyser looked to Lana and the true happiness left her eyes. "Oh. I see." She cleared her throat, "Well, it's very lovely."

"Thank you." Lana forced a smile. She sat Johnny on her lap and he tried to reach for a toy on the sofa next to them.

Mrs. Peyser exhaled and set her attention on Johnny. "That is a very handsome boy you have there, Ms. Winters. Wendy told us you gave birth back in October."

"Yes, thank you."

Mrs. Peyser studied him a little more. "Those are some mighty blue eyes, does he get them from his father?"

Both Lana and Wendy froze. Wendy shot horrified eyes at Lana but Lana flashed a fake smile.

"No. I'm afraid he didn't inherit anything from his father. It's a good thing too."

Wendy laughed nervously and sat next to Lana.

"Johnny has been a blessing in our lives, Mother. He is just the sweetest little boy. Would you like to hold him?"

Lana looked at Wendy like she had offered to give Johnny away to the mailman. Wendy only gave her a pleading look and Lana once again put on that fake smile. She handed the boy over to Wendy who took him over to her mother.

When Johnny noticed he was being handed over to Mrs. Peyser, his little face scrunched up and he began to cry.

"Oh, Johnny, no." Wendy said in means to comfort him. She tried to hand him over once more and he cried louder.

"Oh, dear, don't frighten the boy." Mrs. Peyser said.

"He just doesn't know you." Wendy took him back to Lana.

Once he was in his mother's arms he stopped his crying.

"I'm afraid he's not very fond of strangers." Lana said with the same smile Mrs. Peyser gave her. "I hope you don't mind."

Mrs. Peyser was a bit offended by the comment but kept a tight expression, "No, of course not. That means I should visit more often." She turned her attention to Wendy, "Your father and I would like to see you more often, Dear. You just never invite us over."

"It's a shame he couldn't come with you today." Wendy admitted. She knew her father was friendlier when it came to Lana. She was sure he liked her enough and he always had a way of balancing out her mother's viciousness. It truly was a shame.

"Well maybe next weekend you'd like to drive up and see him."

"Of course." Wendy smiled.

Mrs. Peyser turned her attention to Lana once more. "So, Wendy tells us that you're going to raise the boy on your own."

"It's what I've been doing, yes."

"And how is that working out for you?" She said this in a way as if she expected Lana to admit that she was struggling.

Lana smiled widely before she answered, "Phenomenal. You know, I realized that women _can_ do just about anything without the help of a man. It's…endearing."

"Lana!" Wendy gasped and covered it up with a nervous laugh.

"What?" Lana asked, "The seventies are approaching and it is a time of change. The following years will be _very_ progressive. Don't you agree, Mrs. Peyser?"

Mrs. Peyser hesitated to answer but in the end she gave a nod, "Yes. Progressive."

Johnny cooed and stuck his hand in his mouth.

"Aren't you afraid that your little boy will miss having a man around?" Mrs. Peyser took a drink from her lemonade.

"Mother—" Wendy was about to speak when Lana cut her off.

"As a matter of fact, I'm not. He won't be the first or last child to grow up without a father."

"I'm just saying that—"

"Being fatherless is not a handicap, Mrs. Peyser." She looked at Wendy and gave her a smile, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I should put him down for his nap."

Lana stood and left the room with Johnny. Once she was down the room and out of sight, Wendy turned to her mother.

"Mom…"

Mrs. Peyser only shrugged.

.

Lana found herself exiting through the garage with Johnny in his pram. She couldn't stand being under the same roof as Mrs. Peyser. The woman was unbearable and she always needed to put her two cents into every situation that didn't concern her.

Lana took in a deep breath of the March air. She needed to calm her nerves and just couldn't bring to accept someone like that in her family. And it wasn't the fact that Mrs. Peyser was offending her, it was that in some way, she was offending Johnny. Lana didn't need anyone to pity her child. Being without a father was not the worst thing in the world.

"I hope to God that woman isn't in your life, son." Lana told the boy as she strolled down the street.

A car drove by and turned into one of the driveways. Lana could hear children playing in the backyard of one of the homes. It was a beautiful day despite the awful human being taking up space in her home. Lana knew Wendy would be upset that she wouldn't return right away but in that moment she didn't care.

Lana heard Johnny coo and looked down to the baby in the black pram. He smiled when their eyes met.

Lana rendered and smiled, "You're just all smiles and rainbows, aren't you?"

Johnny cooed again, reaching out his little hands to her.

"You don't even need to nap." Lana sighed, "I just needed to get out of there…" She looked at Johnny again, those blues gleaming behind long lashes. "It'll be tough having me as your mother. I can assure you do, JB. But there is no way I'll ever end up like that woman. I can promise you that."

Johnny squealed.

Lana smiled again. "You and I, we'll be just fine."

.

When Lana returned to the house, Johnny was asleep in his pram and Mrs. Peyser was just leaving. Lana faked another smile and asked her to come visit soon. Of course she didn't really mean it and Wendy knew that but Mrs. Peyser was non the wiser.

The two women stood in front of their home and waved her off as she drove the car out of the driveway and down the street.

Lana stayed silent and headed inside. Wendy followed after her.

"Well, that was fun." Wendy laughed nervously when she closed the door behind her.

"I'm going to put him to bed." Was all Lana said.

"Lana." Wendy followed after her, "I'm sorry. You know how my mother is."

Lana took Johnny out of the pram and rested his little head on her shoulder. "Oh, I know how the infamous Mrs. Peyser can be. Just please, don't bring that woman into our home anymore."

Wendy laughed and Lana did too. Johnny stirred and whined.

"Shh, shh." Lana calmed him. She looked at Wendy and took a few steps closer, "I'm sorry. Okay, I just…she can say whatever she wants about me, but not about my son."

Wendy's heart swelled whenever Lana called Johnny that. It meant she was accepting him. Of course she had been since they had brought him home but now she owned up to it.

Wendy kissed Lana's lips. "I'll talk with her. I promise."

"You better." Lana warned and they both laughed again.

Johnny stirred again and that time began to cry.

Lana groaned taking him to his cradle, "You know it took me two blocks to get him to go to sleep."

Wendy only smiled, "Let me help you."


	13. Sentimental Tunes

**Don't Own TWD**

 **A/N:** Hey guys, please pray for me. There's nothing wrong with me, I just live in Southern California and it's hot as hell. Anyway, glad you all liked the last chapter. I always imagined Wendy's mom to be a prude.  
Also, I've been asked a few times now if I have a tumblr and the answer is yes. I've avoided putting it up because I wanted to stay anonymous for some reason but now I don't see anything wrong with it. I run what used to be an all AHS blog: msbelivet (which I'm not on very much). And my personal blog: flungfromspace. If you like video games, comics, walking dead and a lot of Lana Del Rey then we'll get along just fine. Feel free to follow, feel free to disregard it haha  
Hope you're all enjoying your summer so far.

 **Ps.** I said I would have a chapter for Nutmeg up before I updated this but this next Nutmeg chapter needs a lot of work.

.

 **THIRTEEN**

Sentimental Tunes

.

It was difficult to find any alone time with the baby around. Both women grew a little frustrated when it came to their dry spells and desperately tried to find any alone time. Johnny was up during the night, crying and eating and crying and eating. He still hadn't adapted to his sleeping cycle and it left both women exhausted. Especially Lana who was the one who fed him, luckily for her, he was starting to eat solids.

Lana and Wendy were often too busy during the day but had once or twice found themselves in the kitchen pantry, stealing kissing and undoing buttons. Sadly, cries emerged from the bedroom and the fun had to stop.

That evening they found themselves at the grocery store for their weekly haul. Wendy pushed the cart while Lana carried Johnny. At six months he was growing quite rapidly and had gained some decent pounds on him since he was born. Lana called him a glutton but she knew she couldn't resist his rosy cheeks. She hated to admit it but she often found herself softly pinching them for her own amusement.

Johnny watched wide-eyed and bushy tailed at all the commotion around him. He liked to people watch and for some odd reason, older people were his favorite. Small children and other babies caught his attention too and Lana often found him staring at them.

"He's gonna be very social." Wendy said as they made their way down the bread isle.

"Let's just hope he's the good kind of social." Lana replied.

"He will be." She looked to the shelves of bread, "He has us as parents, remember?"

Lana glanced away as well. She for one knew that Wendy was the right person to raise Johnny. Lana on the other hands still wasn't so sure of herself but she definitely was going to try.

Wendy chose a loaf of bread from their preferred brand and placed it in the cart.

When they arrived home, Lana laid Johnny down for a nap. He had been extremely cranky on the drive back home and gave her a mild fight before he wore himself out. Lana had a feeling his teeth were coming in and was a little nervous for what lay ahead.

After Johnny fell asleep, Lana went into the kitchen to help Wendy place the groceries away.

"You know what we haven't done in forever?" Lana asked, taking the baby food out of one of the brown paper bags.

Johnny eating solids was one of the best things that could happen to Lana. Even though breastfeeding the boy had become less painful and tedious over time, she was relieved to transition him to solids and bottled formula.

Wendy was placing canned peaches into the top cabinet. "What?"

"Gone on a date."

Wendy turned around and met Lana's playful gaze. "A date?"

"Mhm."

"Well, it has been a long time, hasn't it?"

Lana set the baby food down and casually made her way over to Wendy. "We could get all dolled up, go to a fancy restaurant, maybe have drinks at a hotel bar. What do you say?" She took Wendy's hand.

"What about the baby?"

Lana shrugged, "We can ask Mrs. Denning to watch him. I'm sure she wouldn't mind."

"And what are we going to tell Mrs. Denning that we're doing? Going out on a date?" Wendy asked teasingly.

Lana laughed, "She doesn't have to know any details but I have a strong feeling she knows."

"And how do you know that?"

Lana shrugged and returned back to fetch the rest of the baby food from the bag. "I just do."

.

The following Friday night, Johnny watched from the bed as his mothers dressed for their date. It was the first time they were going out without him to a place that wasn't work. Mrs. Denning had agreed to watch Johnny with the help of her eldest daughter.

Johnny watched, propped against a pillow to help him sit up. He watched Lana first, his cobalt eyes watching her every move. Once in a while he babbled things that sounded like "Ma-ma" to which Wendy dotted over.

"Just because he's a baby doesn't mean you don't have to talk to him like he's not a person." Lana teased Wendy about her baby talk.

"Oh, shut up." Wendy scoffed but smiled at the boy, "Are you going to miss us?"

Johnny goo'd and ahh'd and turned his attention to a stuffed moose Lana had pulled out of her side of the closet and given to him to play with when he was upset. He looked down at it and his chubby cheeks puffed up along with his pouty bottom lip. Lana looked over from the vanity and noticed his little pot belly. She laughed.

Wendy eyed her skeptically, "What?"

"Looks like we have a little Buddha."

Wendy laughed too. "Oh, I'm going to miss him."

"You'll live." Lana assured her.

Wendy sighed, "How can you be so relaxed about leaving him?"

Lana checked her make up. "Wendy, I leave him for work almost every day."

"How can you stand it though?"

Lana smacked her lips softly to even out her lipstick, "I'm a tough cookie, remember?"

Wendy chuckled and walked over to the vanity, looking at Lana through the mirror. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you." Lana smiled.

Johnny gave out an impatient cry and both women turned to look at him. He smiled once the attention was back on him.

Lana scoffed but was extremely amused, "What do you want, little boy?"

Johnny giggled and toppled over, unable to hold himself up.

Wendy sniffled and went over to pluck Johnny up from the bed, "Oh, I'm going to miss him."

Lana stood from the vanity, "He'll be fine. Now let's go. There's a glass of wine with my name on it."

.

Lana and Wendy went out to dinner in downtown in a very nice restaurant. They were seated at a small table out on the patio. The night was just right to be outside and actually enjoy it without the shivers or discomfort of being too chilly. They shared a few glasses of wine and laughed amongst one another, sharing stories about their most recent work experiences.

Wendy talked about her students like she liked to do and Lana gave a few complaints about her boss. At one point, a couple pushing a tram strolled by their table on the other side of the street. Wendy noticed and Lana noticed her reaction.

She placed her hand on top of Wendy's and gave her a reassuring smile, "He's fine."

"You seem so calm about all of this."

"It's no big deal." Lana lied. Inside she missed the boy dearly and hoped he wasn't crying.

After dinner, the two took a short stroll through the lively streets until they arrived at a bar in their favorite luxurious hotel.

They sat at the bar and ordered drinks and about thirty minutes in, they were laughing and enjoying themselves like they did back when the world only revolved around them. Wendy had a couple of martinis while Lana enjoyed some scotch.

Wendy looked around the bar that at first glance seemed like such a foreign place. They hadn't been there since before Lana was taken to Briarcliff. Wendy had to admit that she had been nervous to go in but once inside, she felt like they were their old selves again.

Lana felt the same way. Sitting there at the bar with her lover, laughing and making jokes, she felt as if Bloody Face and Briarcliff had never happened. At one point, Lana stopped laughing and looked at Wendy with a gentle yet serious gaze.

"I missed this."

She wanted to forgive Wendy for being weak at the hands of Sister Jude. She really did because in that moment, the liquor was mending the pain deep inside of her. Lana knew it wasn't the right way to heal but for just a few moments she wanted to embrace the feeling of forgiveness. She wanted to pretend she was healing.

Wendy returned the smile, "I missed this too."

The scotch made Lana bold and she felt inclined to ask, "What happened to us?"

Wendy averted her gaze, playing with the olive in her now empty glass. "Too many things, Lana."

"You would think they'd be behind us now."

"Aren't they?"

The two women met eyes.

Lana gave Wendy a soft but forced smile, "You're right. They are."

"And even if things are different. They're better in a way."

"How?"

"We have Johnny."

Lana smiled at the thought of her little boy. She nodded in agreement.

Now it was Wendy who felt bold. "Are you glad you decided to raise him?"

Lana was taken back by the question but then realized all the drinks Wendy had. "I am now." She admitted. "But I wasn't at first."

"I know." Wendy saddened. "I could tell…"

"It's so strange…" Lana looked around the bar filled with nothing but well dressed individuals, "I was afraid he would remind me of his father…"

Wendy said nothing, only continued to listen underneath the chatter of couples and the playing of a piano.

"But I was wrong."

"How so?" Wendy asked.

Lana was almost amused as she said it. "Because he reminds me of me."

.

The two women left the bar in pure laughter and giggles. Wendy had finished the night with a glass of Brandi that left her too giggly for Lana's comfort out in public. Lana hailed a taxi; she knew it be a better option than to drive home in their condition.

"Compose yourself, Ms. Peyser." She teased Wendy as she helped her into a taxi that had pulled up to them.

Lana had held back a little on her drink since she was the one to pick up Johnny from the neighbors. After all, she held her drink far better than Wendy did. It was past midnight and she just hoped Mrs. Denning wouldn't mind their late arrival.

"How nice would if be if Johnny was in my class one day?" Wendy slurred a little bit.

"Very nice." Lana assured her and turned to the driver to give him directions to their house.

"Do you think he'll be embarrassed to say I'm his mom?"

"Why would he?" Lana put Wendy's seatbelt on for her.

"Who wants the teacher to be their mother?"

Lana only smiled, "Oh, Wendy. Don't worry about such things."

She knew they still had a lot of healing to do. Healing that would take years but Lana was willing to endure that time. She knew it that instant when she saw Wendy with her grand smile and sheepish giggles. After all, Lana herself wasn't perfect either.

When they arrived home, Lana took Wendy to the house and helped her undress and get into her pajamas before she went to pick up Johnny. Mrs. Denning was kind and didn't mind staying up a little late to wait for them to arrive.

Johnny was fast asleep when Mrs. Denning handed him over. Lana took him in her arms. "Thank you, Mrs. Denning. I owe you so much already."

"It's nothing. I hope you both had a great night." She said kindly.

"Thank you, we did." Lana replied with a soft smile.

Lana crossed the street with Johnny cradled in her arms. His long lashes brushed his cheeks and his lips pouted slightly as he dreamt. Lana kissed his forehead. "You missed one hell of a night, kid."

Inside their room, Lana found Wendy laying in bed waiting for her. She had drank a glass of water and looked far more sober than she was when they entered the cab.

"Look who's miraculously still asleep." Lana gestured to Johnny in her arms.

Wendy stood from the bed and stood next to Lana in front of the crib as Lana laid Johnny inside of it.

The baby boy made a few soft noises, mostly grunts of protest but stayed asleep.

Lana smiled softly at the sleeping baby, "You were right what you told your mother." She said softly.

"And what's that?" Wendy asked.

Lana didn't take her eyes off the boy. "He is a blessing."


	14. Baby, I Love You

**A/N:** Okay so I have not written anything in like daaaaays. I just wanted a break from everything that is writing which is weird because I can't go a day without wanting to write.

Anyway, thank you for all the love, like always. I know some of you have said you like Wendy and Lana better than Lana and Rachel and when I first read those comments, my first reaction was to put my hand to my heart and gasp like a middle aged woman offended by my friend and neighbor. Hahaha oh man, that was so funny. But no worries, it's all good.

I do agree that both pairings have different chemistry. Rachel is way younger than Lana (A decision I made on my part cause of reasons lol) so they have a different kind of relationship than Wendy and Lana do. Both relationships are fun to write however. I'm like that taco commercial, "Why not both?" lol

Ps. I do admit that I did not fully edit this chapter. I was tired. I'M SORRY. I mean I did skim through it while writing but possibly missed a thing or two.

.

 **FOURTEEN**

Baby, I Love You

.

Johnny watched her with those steely blues of his, little hands perched upon the sofa, trying to find the courage within himself to let go and take those first steps forward. He pushed himself slightly but held on tighter, giving out a frustrated cry.

"Come on then." Wendy said, "You can do it now." She sat a few yards from him on the living room floor.

Every day he got closer and closer to letting go of the sofa but his little legs gave out every single time. Still, that did not stop the boy from attempting to stand all day, every day. He was almost ten months and his mothers didn't know where time had gone.

The weather had been relentless the past few days and the rain had not stopped falling. It crashed ferociously against the windows; "Baby, I Love You." By The Ronettes played on the record player blocking out most of the sound.

Wendy did not mind the weather. In fact, she liked that they were all cooped up inside together—even if Lana had been locked in her study all morning typing until her fingers bled. Wendy didn't know what she was up to in there but she didn't ask. She figured she would give Lana some space in that aspect of their lives. There were still things they were trying to work on amongst one another.

It was Wendy's guilt that let Lana get away with so many things. They were working on it but it was still a slow progress. However, their date nights helped tremendously.

"Ah!" Johnny cried out, catching Wendy's attention once more. He reached his tiny, dimpled hand out to her as if he would suddenly reach her with the wave of his hand.

"Come on, Johnny boy, you can do it. I'm right here." She encouraged him.

Johnny was growing so fast. He had started crawling one day out of nowhere and after that, nothing within his reach was safe. Lana had to move all the potted plants so he would stop getting into the soil. All the bottom shelves of their book cases were now empty but the women were adjusting to his milestones.

Wendy was a bit more reluctant to let him go. She held him close to her and begged him to stay a baby forever. Lana on the other hand was a bit more accepting of the changes. For one, she was tired of the diapers and couldn't wait until the teething was over and done with. Those aching nights seemed worse than Briarcliff but Lana was only overreacting when she thought that.

Johnny gave Wendy a frustrated growl and a few jumbled babbles. He slowly let go of the sofa but lost his balance and stumbled backwards. He looked at Wendy and slowly his little face scrunched up, ready to cry.

"Whoa there." Lana came up from behind him, "What happened here?"

Johnny turned around when he heard her voice and instantly raised his arms up to be picked up. Lana obliged and sat him on her hip. "Is mean ol' Mama Wendy making you walk again?"

Wendy scoffed, "Yes, well, Mommy should be helping too."

"Wendy, he's still too little. He's only nine months."

"Yes, well I read in a book that babies walk as early as nine months."

"Hmph. Is that so?" Lana looked to Johnny with a tiny playful smirk. Wendy knew Lana had a soft spot for the boy. She could see it in her eyes.

Johnny pointed at Wendy. "Deh—dey-di."

"Did you hear that?" Wendy perked up, "He said my name!"

Lana laughed, "Please, he said nonsense."

Johnny whined a little, impatient to get moving.

Wendy stayed seated. "Yes, well, I heard it."

Lana only shook her head and lowered Johnny back down on the ground, setting him on his own two feet. She grabbed his little hands, holding them above his head. Johnny grinned immediately at this. He loved when Lana helped him walk.

"Ready?" Lana asked him.

Johnny looked to Wendy who was encouraging him towards her again. "C'mon baby, c'mon. Walk over here."

Johnny squealed and let himself go forward with a confidence he only had when he was in the safety of his mother's hands. He picked up his chubby legs, one at a time, lifting them up like a little frog; utterly delighted with himself. Even with Lana's guidance, his steps were wobbly and imperfect but to his mothers, they were the most precious things they had ever witnessed.

Lana let go of Johnny when Wendy placed her hands under his arms to catch him.

"Yay! You did it!" She cheered.

Lana clapped, "Good job, Johnny."

Johnny jumped up and down in Wendy's grasp, squealing happily. He was far too pleased with himself and it showed. Four little pearly white teeth also showed, two on the bottom and two on the top.

"Maybe next time you could do it without Mommy's help. Yes?" Wendy asked him.

Johnny only babbled.

"He's still little, Wendy. He'll do it when he's ready." Lana went over to the window and glanced out to the rain-drenched street.

"Maybe another month or so."

"He'll be running before we know it."

"He'll be going to school before we know it."

Lana sighed and looked from the window. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves."

Wendy let go of Johnny and let him crawl to his toys placed upon a blanket.

"Yes, well, she should keep it in mind." Wendy stood up and met Lana at the window. "Are you done working for the day?"

Lana met her eyes and nodded. "I am."

Wendy smiled, "Good. What are you writing in there, anyway?"

Lana avoided her glance and looked to Johnny who had shoved a toy in his mouth. "Oh, nothing important." She faked a smile and left Wendy at the window to join the boy.

.

It was sometime past midnight. The rain continued to fall hard upon the house. The bedroom was in utter darkness but the two women fumbled around beneath their sheets, finding one another in the dark. The bed squeaked somewhat and the bedframe hit against the wall. Wendy giggled and Lana shushed her.

"Do you want to wake him? Lana whispered. She was perched on top of Wendy, pinning her to the bed.

The baby was in his new crib sleeping soundly. It had taken Lana over an hour to get him to sleep that night. Wendy bit back her laughter and shook her head.

"Then be quiet." Lana bit back a laugh too and leaned down to kiss Wendy.

Wendy returned the kiss, letting Lana overpower her. It was such a wonderful feeling to have her so close, skin to skin. Wendy was truly in heaven when Lana was with her in such intimate ways. She didn't know how she had lived all that time without her.

Lana buried herself in Wendy's kisses, trying to drown out the voice in the back of her mind that reminded her of betrayal. If only Lana could forget for a moment. If only she was allowed to fully forgive. Maybe it all wouldn't feel so forced, so different.

But they were different and Lana tried to remind herself that it was okay. That it was all in her head.

She stopped kissing Wendy and pulled away, her lips swollen from feverish kisses.

"What's the matter?" Wendy asked.

Lana sat aside, naked in the dark.

"Nothing, it's nothing." She lied.

"It must be something if you stopped." Wendy whispered back.

Lana sighed softly, glancing in the direction of the window. Sometimes she swore she could still feel the headgear from the electroshock therapy on her temples.

"It really isn't…" Lana didn't know why she was ruining such a good thing, "I'm sorry."

"Come here." Wendy took her hand and guided Lana back into her arms and under their covers. "You don't need to be sorry." She let Lana rest her head on her shoulder.

"I love you, you know." Lana whispered, "More than ever."

Wendy kissed Lana's forehead. "I love you too."

.

Lana stayed awake well into the night. She listened to the sound of the rain and the softness of Wendy's breathing when she finally let slumber take her. She found her way out of Wendy's arms and made her way to Johnny's crib. He slept on his back, one arm above his head like he had a question to ask.

She glanced down upon him, able to see him with the moon's glow that seeped in through the cracks in the blinds.

Lana smiled tenderly at him, "But you know I love you the most."

.

Wendy was in a hurry to get to school the following morning. She liked to make sure her students got to the classroom safely in the rain. She took a few bites out of the toast Lana made even though it was a bit burnt.

Lana had Johnny in arms, attempting to make eggs with one hand. She had the day off and wasn't planning on doing anything but staying home and catching up on her writing. That was if the little boy let her.

"Okay, don't forget that his nap is at noon and don't give him the peas after the peaches or else he won't eat them." Wendy instructed as she made her way to the door, umbrella and all.

Lana followed her with Johnny still in arms.

She scoffed, "You swear like I don't know how to care for my own son."

Wendy sighed. "I know. I'm sorry." She opened the door and stood in the doorway, sighing as she stared at Lana and their son. "I wish I didn't have to go."

"You can always stay?" Lana said teasingly, standing closer to Wendy.

Wendy glanced around the neighborhood, weary of watching eyes but let herself relax. She gave out a deeper sigh, "I wish but my students need me."

Lana grabbed Johnny's hand and waved it, "But he needs you."

Wendy bit her bottom lip. "Stop."

Lana laughed, "Okay, I'm sorry. Have a good day."

"I will." Wendy leaned in to give Johnny a kiss but obtained from kissing Lana.

"I'll see you later."

"Yes you will." Lana assured her and watched as Wendy hurried to her car and drove off.

Lana waved her off.

Once the car was out of view, Lana closed the door behind her and took Johnny back to the kitchen where she sat him on his high chair.

"Well, it's just you and I, Kid."

Johnny pointed in the direction of the front door. "Didi!"

"Didi?" Lana raised a brow, "That's Mama Wendy. Can you say that? Ma-ma Wen-dy."

"Bah-bah." Johnny repeated and stuck his hand in his mouth.

Lana frowned but sighed, "You gotta talk sometime, Kid."

Lana turned her back on his and began to clean the kitchen.

"Muh-muh-muh-muh." Johnny continued to babble.

"I'm sure you're a late bloomer, little boy." Lana said in means to comfort her worries and not Johnny's. "I'm sure."

The morning went by with a bit of a struggle. Johnny was fine until his incoming teeth began to bother him and he made a storm greater than the one outside. He had his mother on her feet without a moment to tend to her work. Whenever she was out of sight he wailed his heart out, arms up, rosy cheeks drenched with tears, wanting nothing more than to be with her.

Lana had no option to carry him around all morning. He protested his nap and denied eating his pees. Lana became irritated but she had patience for the boy like no other.

Especially when she fed him the peaches he would eat. She would put a spoon full of the mush into his mouth and he would flash her a wide grin, mush spilling out of his mouth and onto his chin.

Lana laughed, "Why are you doing that? Stop it."

Johnny laughed; he had figured out that he could make his mothers laugh and the fact delighted him.

Lana wiped the mush with the spoon. "Eat, okay?" She gave him another spoonful.

Johnny took it willingly but let it spill out of his mouth.

"Johnny, no!" Lana couldn't help to laugh.

He giggled too, completely delighted and slapped his hands on the tray.

"Stop doing that. It's not nice."

Johnny babbled as if repeating after her.

After his lunch, she tried to get him to nap. He was restless and fought it so Lana took him to the living room and glanced around the room. She spotted the book case where they had all their records.

"Oh, I know what you like."

Lana picked a record while Johnny sat in her arms, watching intently. With one hand, Lana placed the record in the player and set the needle down upon it. "I Walk The Line" by Johnny Cash came straight on.

 _"I keep a close watch on this heart of mine. I keep my eyes wide open all the time."_

A smile slowly spread across Johnny's face.

"I knew you'd like that." Lana told him.

 _"I keep the ends out for the tie that binds. Because you're mine, I walk the line."_

Johnny wiggled around until Lana cradled him in her arms like she and Wendy did every time they wanted him to sleep. She then popped a clean pacifier in his mouth and softly cradled him by the window until he slowly dozed off.

Lana kept her eyes out the window, gazing out into the overcast day, her ears on the song knowing the lyrics to be true.

"Even the tides, little boy."


	15. Disillusions

**A/N:** I can't really talk about why I haven't updated in forever. All I can say is that it involves Pokemon Go and Novelas. I have no shame. None.

 **.**

 **FIFTEEN**

Disillusions

 **.**

His first birthday was drawing near. Wendy had brought it up on multiple occasions with a sense of excitement and sadness rolled into one. Summer was just around the corner and soon autumn would arrive. Once again the leaves would fall off the trees in multiple colors of yellow, red and orange. And with autumn would come the first year anniversary of Johnny Winters' birth.

On that day, a day in mid-September, Lana had just come home from a long day out on the field. She was frustrated and on the verge of ripping a few hairs out. It was one of those moments in where she felt like she was backtracking. After the hype of Briarcliff had died down, Lana felt herself disappearing into the background. The news of the asylum was becoming something of the past and all her work was slowly being forgotten just like Bloody Face.

Lana hated the feeling of failure. She desperately tried to bury it deep inside her as she opened the door to her home and stepped inside. There had to be something that would keep her from sinking and that something was a certain manuscript hiding on the highest shelf of her bookcase.

"Na-na!" Lana heard the little squeal and looked up to see her little boy crawling at full speeds towards her. His wide smile cleared her mind of the manuscript right away.

Wendy was standing in the living room entrance, a bright smile to her face.

Lana knelt down and let the baby reach her. "Oh, my. What a lovely welcoming."

"Little quickstir, isn't he?" Wendy teased.

Lana laughed, forgetting all her failures. If anything, that boy was more than an accomplishment. He was a product of her victory.

However, Lana often forgot that.

"Hi, little boy, hello."

"Na-na!" He giggled.

They had deemed "Nana" to be Johnny's first word. Or at least an attempt at his first word. He had said it one night after a terrible tantrum when Lana placed him in his crib to go to sleep. The word has granted him a trip to his mother's arms and plenty kisses from Wendy who couldn't stop gushing.

Lana frowned, "Why do you keep calling me that?" She looked up at Wendy as she stood up with Johnny in her arms, "Why does he keep calling me that?"

Wendy went up to her and gave her a kiss, "I think he's trying to say Lana."

"Hmph. Well, isn't that something?"

Johnny leaned in and planted a wet, sloppy kiss on his mother's cheek in attempts to mimic Wendy's actions.

Wendy laughed. "Aw, that's so sweet."

Lana snorted, "Is that what you call a kiss, boy?"

Johnny said nothing but gibberish and squirmed to be let down. Lana set him down on his own little feet. He tumbled and fell sideways and crawled off.

"Oh, Lana why do you pick on him?"

Lana laughed, "I'm not picking on him."

"He's trying his best."

"I'm sure he is."

Wendy shook her head. "How was work?" She asked, picking up a few toys from the ground in attempts to clean up a little bit.

"Great." Lana lied. She didn't want Wendy to know how terrible she had been doing in that moment. She walked to the mini bar and poured herself a drink. "Never better."

Lana took a sip from the hard liquor and looked over at Johnny who was attempting to stand on his own but would fall over. She was growing deeply concerned that at eleven months he still wasn't walking.

"He's a late bloomer." She had assured herself and Wendy. After all, most babies didn't begin to walk until well after their first birthdays according to Wendy. Johnny was sure one of them.

Lana liked to believe that.

"How was he?" Lana took a seat on the sofa.

Wendy sat next to her. "He was fine. Threw a fit earlier but I think it's because of his incoming teeth."

"That could be it."

Johnny crawled over to the bookshelf and used it as leverage to stand up. He reached for the figurines on the only shelf he could barely reach and attempted to grab one.

"Hey, you stop that." Lana called over to him.

Johnny turned around, flashed her a little impish smile and then turned back to the figurines.

"You break it you buy it, little boy."

"Dah!" He shouted back and babbled baby gibberish.

"Now I know you aren't talking back to your mother." Lana replied.

Wendy laughed at Lana's banter with the boy. She treated Johnny like a little person; it was amusing to see.

.

Lana cooked that afternoon. She received a few jokes from Wendy but for the most part Wendy kept herself occupied with the baby boy that only wanted to be with his mother. Once Lana came home from work, Johnny became a little wad of gum.

At one point, Wendy gave up and handed the boy to Lana. Lana settled him on her hip and continued to cook. Wendy just watched with a humble smile. She always knew Lana would come around to the roll of a mother. Wendy was proud of her.

Things seemed so well that afternoon until nighttime came around again. It was around three in the morning when Lana woke from another night terror. The night terrors and the nightmares seemed to have become a part of normal life in the Winters-Peyser household. Wendy woke with a fright to the sound of Johnny's crying and Lana's suffering. It became so often that when Lana woke, she put herself together and calmed her son.

Most nights, like that night, Lana suffered her dreams in silence and woke to find Wendy still fast asleep. Johnny however was fussing in his crib. Lana got out of bed and picked up the boy from the crib. She took him to the living room and sat on the sofa, cradling him like a newborn.

Johnny whimpered and mumbled but Lana kept him calm. They calmed each other. His mother's presence always made Johnny feel at ease and his presence alone made Lana forget all her demons.

Little by little, Lana began to understand her love for the boy. It was different than the love Wendy had for him. It ran deep through her veins and she knew he was the one thing that was holding her together. His innocence and dependency on her softened her, made her realize that he needed her and she had to be present for him.

But it was his unconditional love that really opened her eyes. Sure, the boy adored Wendy but he always sought Lana out first and Lana always kept that in mind.

.

The two women strolled through the park early that Saturday morning. Lana pushed Johnny in his tram. He lay on his back with a rattle in his hand, looking up at the faces of his mothers. When Lana made eye contact with him, he'd smile.

"It's such a lovely day, isn't it?" Wendy asked, holding her hands behind her back as she walked.

"Extremely lovely." Lana agreed. Her eyes scanned the park looking at all the people enjoying the fresh weather.

Lana often saw men that resembled Oliver in the slightest, whether it was a pair of glasses or the style of a hair cut and she would become tense. She shied away from them and became silent.

Wendy took almost no notice and continued to enjoy their walk. She had other thoughts on her mind like her deep desire to show her family off out in the open like men and women did together. She knew she had promised Lana she wouldn't back out that time around but the fear to come out was still so strong within her. It weakened her and Wendy knew if Lana found out, she would lose her for good. There would be no third chances.

Wendy forced a smile and continued to talk about her plans for her new class. She was always so excited to meet her new students and would go on and on about her lesson plan. Lana let Wendy talk about the upcoming school year even though she didn't much care for it. She knew she should feel bad for being so dismissive about Wendy's passion but it was that passion that sent Lana to Briarcliff. Lana supposed she still felt some animosity towards Wendy's job for making her Wendy so weak and afraid. Lana knew that was the difference between them: Lana would have given up her career for the woman she loved. Or so she had told herself.

Lana and Wendy picked a shady spot under a tree and placed a blanket down. Lana took Johnny out of the tram and sat him on the blanket with them. He shook his rattle and looked around his surroundings. Wendy brought out a few snacks that the two women shared together.

After Lana was done eating, she lit a cigarette. Wendy disapproved immediately and gave her a stern look.

"Oh, don't be so rigid." Lana inhaled and blew the smoke away from Johnny, "It's going downwind."

Wendy shook her head. She herself hadn't given up smoking but she had done so in front of Johnny. "Just don't blow any in his direction."

"Do you think I'm an idiot?" Lana was offended.

A woman and her children walked by and Wendy smiled at them before she put her attention back at Lana. "Don't be ridiculous."

" _I'm_ being ridiculous?" Lana tapped her cigarette upon the dirt around the tree.

Wendy sighed, "Lana, let's not start."

"Dey-di!" Johnny babbled, crawling his way to Wendy.

Lana put her cigarette out on the dirt. "Fine."

Wendy stood with Johnny in arms, "I'm going to take him to see the ducks."

"Be careful." Lana warned but let Wendy go a few yards away where the small, man-made lake was.

"Always am."

Lana watched them from the blanket upon the grass and a strange feeling filled her. She knew Wendy only wanted what was best for the boy but she often acted like she was the one who had given birth to him—or at least Lana felt that way. She just disliked the way Wendy belittled her ability to mother her own child. Lana knew what she was doing, she had struggled at first but she was getting the hang of it. Wendy had to have faith in her.

Lana shook her head. "Don't be a fool…" She told herself as she watched Wendy hold the baby against her hip as she pointed out to the ducks upon the water. "She loves you."

Lana imagined Wendy signing those papers over to Jude.

"And you love her." Lana repeated in vain.


	16. Say It if You Mean It

**A/N** : Hi, everyone! Hope you're all doing well! I've been so lazy when it comes to writing lately. I suppose because work leaves me so drained and all I want to do is watch Rob Dyke YouTube videos and play No Man's Sky. Anyway, I wrote a little something to keep the story moving. Enjoy!

.

 **SIXTEEN**

Say It If You Mean It

.

The morning started off with angry, frustrated screams from the tiniest member of the Winters-Peyser household. Another little tooth could be seen popping out of pink gums without mercy and the outcome was horrendous.

Lana paced around the living room with the boy in arms, bouncing him up and down to try and get him to calm down. Meanwhile Wendy stood in the door way, hands on her hips, a frustrated look upon her face.

"Lana—"

"Will you stop?" Lana snapped, "He's going to be fine. It's just mild discomfort." She said, repeating the words the doctor had told her when she called him earlier that morning. "It's all a part of growing up."

"But Lana, he's in pain." Wendy argued.

"He'll be fine!" Lana placed her hand on Johnny's head as he buried his face in the crook of her neck and cried louder. His little hands clutched her shirt tightly. He had not wanted to leave Lana's arms and screamed bloody murder when Wendy tried to take him from her.

"How do you know that?"

Lana scoffed, "And you call yourself a child expert? Wendy, he'll live." Wendy shook her head and made a b-line for the phone. Lana rolled her eyes, "And who are you calling now?"

"My mother." Was the only response Lana received.

Lana glared at Wendy, "Are you serious? Why would you do that? That woman _lives_ to knock me down a few pegs."

Wendy shook her head as she dialed the perfectly memorized number, "She's not going to judge you. I'm only going to ask her what we could give him for the pain—Mother? Hi!" A smile crossed her face when her mother answered the phone on the other line, "How are you?"

Lana turned her back on Wendy with a shake of the head and exited the living room to leave her to her call.

Lana took Johnny to the bedroom Wendy told her parents was hers and sat him upon the bed. Johnny looked up at her with big blue eyes drowning in tears. His cheeks and nose were rosy red and drenched in tears. He had the most pitiful little look and Lana couldn't help but to feel guilty in a way.

"What am I going to do with you, hmm?" She gave him a sheepish smile, trying to lighten the mood with soft humor.

Johnny whined and hiccupped. He raised his little arms to be picked up and Lana obliged. He immediately nestled his head on her shoulder and gave a heavy sigh, calming his cries.

Lana rubbed his back, "Teething is no fun, I know."

Johnny gave her another little whine.

"It's terrible." She agreed and calmed him, "The worst."

Those little moments she got alone with her son were special to Lana. They had an affect that was enough to calm her demons. She just wished Wendy's witch of a mother didn't put her in such a mood.

Mrs. Peyser had grown a bit accustomed to Johnny's presence in her daughter's life in those eleven months. She had come to know how much Wendy loved the boy but Lana could see the child bothered the woman. It was as if she was jealous that Lana had a child and Wendy did not.

She often made comments such as, "When it's your child you will understand."

"Wendy, when it's your baby—."

"When you have a son —"

Lana couldn't stand the woman. It made her feel as if Johnny was not valid. As if his existence in Wendy's life meant nothing. And it angered Lana how Wendy never stood up to her mother. She only laughed and brushed it off.

Wendy came into the bedroom moments later to find Lana brooding to herself and a sleeping Johnny in her arms.

"My mother said that a chilled spoon—" She stopped when she saw Johnny asleep and lowered her voice, "How did you get him to fall asleep?"

"Oh, I don't know." Lana answered with a deadpan expression, "Mother's instinct, I suppose."

Wendy went up to her with a half wounded look. "Lana, don't be sour. You know my mother only means well."

"You know Willis from the office?" Lana asked.

Wendy frowned not sure where she was getting at but nodded, "I remember him vaguely."

"Well," Lana made her way to the door, "He always complained about his mother in law and I never understood him until now."

"Lana." Wendy said disapprovingly.

Lana put the baby to nap in his crib in their actual shared bedroom and Wendy followed. "Are you mad I called her?"

Lana didn't bother to turn to look at her when she spoke. She kept her attention on the boy as she settled him into his crib. "I just don't see why you have to constantly bring her into our business."

"Well, I just thought—"

"Wendy, she's not his grandmother. Please don't act like she is."

Lana's comment instantly hit Wendy like a whip. She stepped back, feeling a cold feeling pour over her followed by a hot sensation in her ears and face. Lana regretted her words right away but the damage was done.

"Are you serious?" Wendy sounded almost in disbelief.

Lana sighed. "Not in front of him. He's sleeping."

"Fine. Outside then."

.

Lana closed the bedroom door behind her and faced Wendy right there in the hallway.

"You know my mother cares."

"Your mother doesn't like me and she sure as hell doesn't see my son as her grandson."

"Why are you doing this?" Wendy demanded.

She knew Lana had been in a mood for the past few weeks and she wanted to know why. At first she had ignored it, hoping that it would blow over and Lana would figure it out on her own like she often did but that did not happen.

Lana let go of the doorknob. "I just don't want her in our business. That's all. Johnny is _our_ son. If we're going to raise him I'd like to do it without her two cents."

Lana pushed past Wendy and headed into the living room.

"I'm just asking advice from a woman who's had children before. It's not like we can't contact _your_ mother!"

Lana stopped immediately and turned around like a hard whip. " _Don't_."

Wendy glared at Lana but then her gaze softened. She gave out a soft, long sigh. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

"No, you meant that. Don't take it back now." Lana warned her.

Wendy placed one hand on her hip and the other rubbed her temple. "We shouldn't be fighting like this. Please, I don't want to fight."

Lana turned her back and sat on the sofa. Wendy sat at her side. "What is going on with you? You've been itching for a fight all week? What the shit, Lana."

Lana rubbed her temples with both hands, "I know, I know. I'm sorry. It's just…."

"It's just what?"

Lana lowered her hands and looked at Wendy, "Sometimes I feel like you're not letting me do this."

Wendy frowned, "Do what?"

"Be a mother to my son."

Wendy wanted to laugh because it sounded ridiculous but she kept from it. "What? What makes you say that?"

"You're always second guessing my decisions when it comes to the baby. You micromanage every single little thing as if I have no idea what I'm doing."

"Lana—"

"No. Listen." Lana cut her off. "I'm a mother for the first time in my life. Something I sure as hell didn't plan. I don't have any experience with children like you do and I know he's your son too but…but I wish you'd let me do things my way. For once."

Wendy held her gaze. "Do you really feel that way?"

Silence.

"Lana?" Wendy pressed her.

She finally answered, "Yes."

Wendy pulled away. "I—I…I'm sorry."

Lana glanced at her. "Thanks…"

"Well, that explains your shitty ass mood." Wendy half joked.

Lana glared at her but the two burst out in laughter. Wendy calmed her laugh, "I don't know what I'm doing much either. I guess that's why I run to my mother all the time."

Lana reached towards the coffee table for her packet of cigarettes and pulled out a single stick. Wendy dug into her purse that she had left on the sofa and lit the cigarette for Lana.

"I'd run _from_ your mother." Lana muttered.

Wendy chuckled, "Don't start."

Lana smiled. "That woman rubs me the wrong way and you know it."

"I can say the same for your boss."

"Lou is a terrible human being but he's manageable. Your mother is the definition of hell."

Wendy laughed and slapped Lana's leg. "Don't push it or I'll have the right mind to invite her to dinner tomorrow."

"Shoot me." Lana said sarcastically.

Wendy leaned in and kissed Lana's cheek. "You're a marvelous mother."

"Only you think so."

They then heard Johnny crying from the bedroom.

Wendy gave Lana a crooked side smile, "I think he does too."


	17. The First Year

**A/N:** Did I give Johnny a specific date of birth? I don't remember. (Prize for world's best memory). It's like my worst habit, I swear. I know it was in October. Ahhh I'll just make one up lol ugh, I'm the worst. Anyway, enjoy guys! This was long overdue.

OH.

And yes, I did watch Roanoke.  
And my thoughts on it are

WHERE THE HELL IS MY OPENING

No joke, the opening is like my favorite part of a brand new season. So far, Coven has my favorite opening. Asylum is second, then Murder House (I used to skip that one cause it creeped me out lol) and then Freak Show. I didn't like Hotel's opening much but I liked its version of the theme song. What's your guys' fave?

Anyway, so far I do like Roanoke. I think the first episode had a Murder House vibe to it. It wasn't flashy like Hotel and the pace was very good. It was super creepy. Like old AHS creepy. I also enjoyed the setting. Something about the south. There's just a lot to it. Also, my girl Pauly looking mega fine in them jeans. I'm always so salty when I watch other people kiss up on her haha watch it Cuba Gooding Jr.  
Also, Lily Rabe! Dude. Yesssss. Love having her back. If only Zachary Quinto would come back I'd die. And Alexandra B. too. (TWD Spoiler alert: Which I'm still super upset she died in TWD but I get she's a new mommy now and that's important too.)  
I did like the new twist they added with the interview and the reenactments. I watch a lot of ghost shows/documentaries like that so it was interesting to me. I also noticed the title screen pops up when it's commercial time just like in Ghost Hunters lol I liked that too. I think the first episode has a lot of potential and I'm glad it's going back to its old roots. I'm mega stoked to see Kathy Bates and everyone else.

Ok. Essay over. But let me know how you guys liked it or didn't!

.

 **SEVENTEEN**

The First Year

.

It took Lana a moment to comprehend that the little boy standing up in his crib, grasping the wooden side with grubby little hands had been in her life for an entire year. She sat there, the morning of October 16th, watching the boy that waited so patiently to be taken out of his crib. His brown hair was in messy curls and cowlicks from a night of heavy sleeping. His little cheeks were a soft, rosy red that were irresistible to pinch and squeeze.

That little boy had been alive and thriving for twelve exact months. She had seen him grow before her very own eyes but in a way, she felt as if he had just been a newborn moments before. And Lana couldn't imagine how he would be if she had given him up. If his hair was as luscious, if his eyes as bright, his cheeks as rosy and his smile as wide. If he had grown up anything like his father in the system, her little Johnny may not have been the same happy baby she was looking at in that moment.

Wendy was still asleep at her side and Lana didn't want to wake her. She wanted to be the first to wish their son a happy birthday. It seemed silly and almost foolish but it was a special day for Lana too. Her life had changed drastically for the better.

When Johnny spotted Lana, he stuck his hand in his grin and gave out a squealy giggle. Lana swore no one had ever looked at her the way Johnny did with those cobalt blue eyes of his. The unconditional love almost hurt.

Lana climbed out bed and went to the crib. "Hey, little boy."

Johnny jumped up and down, holding onto the bannister to keep from falling. He still wasn't walking but he was close. He raised a hand up to touch Lana's face. Lana placed her hands under his arms and plucked him from the crib.

"Muh-muh." Johnny mumbled, with his hand still in his mouth, pretty content being the center of Lana's attention.

Even though he had two mothers, Johnny somehow knew that Lana was his birth mother and even though Wendy loved him unconditionally and he her, there was just something about Lana that he favored.

Lana sighed, "Why are you getting so big? Can you stop?"

Johnny only babbled.

She smiled, "Happy Birthday, little one."

Lana took Johnny to the bed and sat him down, "Go on, wake Mama." And watched the little boy crawl his way to Wendy.

.

Wendy was beyond over joyed and fussed over the baby all morning. She dressed him in his brand new red overalls and sat him in his high chair for breakfast. Lana sat next to him reading the paper of the day, going over certain news that had caught her eye.

Johnny noticed the paper and reached for it only because Lana had it.

Lana pulled it away, "No, Johnny."

Wendy opened the fridge, "Oh, Lana, let him see the paper."

"Oh, for what? Does he need to check the funnies?" Lana asked in a deadpan manner, not bothering to look up from the paper Johnny was still trying to reach for.

"It's his birthday. Just spoil him for once."

"I do spoil him." Lana admitted, continuing to read the paper while Johnny tried to swat at it next, "I feed him, I dress him, and I put a roof over his head."

"Pfft." Wendy laughed, "You're so mean to him." She pulled out the milk from the fridge and closed the door.

Lana set the paper down and looked at her. " _Mean_? _I'm_ being mean? Don't act like you haven't seen my breasts, you know they haven't been the same." She glanced over at Johnny, "I hope you're happy."

Johnny put his hands to his mouth and squealed happily.

"Hmm. Figures."

Wendy tilted her head back and laughed, "Lana, your tits are fine. They've never been better."

"Oh, bite me."

Wendy poured Lana a glass of milk and set it on the table, "Should I warm it up for you to calm you down or are you good?"

Lana held Wendy's gaze and the two laughed. "Let's see you push a melon out of your hole and see how well you like it."

Wendy laughed. "Well, was it not worth it?"

Lana glanced at Johnny who somehow forgot the paper and became fascinated with his feet. "Yeah, it was."

.

Wendy went off to the school but promised she'd return right home so they could spend the day together with the baby. Wendy wanted to throw him a birthday party but Lana thought it be better if they didn't. Many of their friends had stopped talking to them after they kept the boy and well, there was just no one to invite. Barb was out of town and Lois, well, they knew she wouldn't come around for such a thing unless Barb forced her.

"Are you sure? We still can. It'll be last minute but maybe some people will show up." Wendy asked while collecting her purse and heading to the door.

They stopped in the doorway. "Wendy," Lana began, "We were the only two people in his entire first year of life. We're the only ones that deserve to celebrate it with him."

Wendy gazed into Lana's eyes and knew she was right. She nodded, "Okay. Just don't have any fun without me." She went out the door.

"No promises!" Lana called after her but smiled and waved her off.

She watched Wendy pulled out of the driveway and down the street. She continued to watch her until she heard a crash. "Oh, no. Johnny!" and hurried back inside.

.

Johnny sat back, watching his mother clean up the broken pot.

"You have to be careful, little boy. Okay?" She picked up the broken pieces and placed them in a small trash can, "Do you understand? You can get hurt. And then what am I gonna do? Hmm?"

Johnny pointed at her, "uh muh-muh."

Lana sighed softly, "You're gonna get away with a lot with that face, you know."

Johnny babbled his own language and rolled to the side and crawled off towards the book shelf. Lana watched him go. "You're lucky it's your birthday, Mr. Winters."

.

When Wendy came home she did not arrive empty handed. She came home with a birthday cake, a few wrapped gifts and a couple of balloons. The sight of her made Lana laugh. She also decorated the living room and kitchen with streamers and a Birthday sign.

"You really outdid yourself, Ms. Peyser." Lana sat Johnny on her hip, watching Wendy decorate.

"Thank you for noticing, Ms. Winters."

She stepped back to admire her work. Their home sure had changed much since Johnny's arrival.

The two women spent the day inside with the little boy. Watching him play with his balloons and open his gifts. They sat him in his high chair and sang to him as they presented him his cake. Wendy blew out his candles for him and let him stick his entire hand in the small cake. It was a simple day; kept hidden in their home so only they could enjoy it. Lana didn't mind it, she preferred it.

At the end of the day, she dug into her closet and brought out a red box she had been saving. She took it to the living room where Wendy sat on the carpet with Johnny while he played with his toys. The TV was playing but no one was watching it.

Wendy noticed the box, "What do you got there?"

"Just one last present." She sat with them. "It's simple, but it reminded me of him." She set the box in front of the baby. He looked at it and tapped it with his hands.

"Wow, baby, Mommy got you a gift. Should we find out what it is?" Wendy unwrapped the box and took the lid off the box.

Johnny reached inside and pulled out a stuffed orange tabby cat. He giggled, "Dee-dee!"

Wendy chuckled, "Lana, a stuffed cat?"

"I know it isn't much but I see how he gets when he sees the neighbor's cat and I thought he would like it."

Wendy placed her hand over Lana's, "It's perfect, Love. Just perfect."

"You think so?"

"I know so."

Wendy could see the love Lana had for their son perfectly in her gaze and in her actions. She knew that if Lana didn't really care she would have gotten Johnny a random toy. Not something that reminded her of him. Bloody Face had destroyed so many lives but with that little boy, he had helped make their lives better in a way. It was a strange way that had started out rough and still had its downs but in the end, Wendy knew they were better off.

Little did she know, Lana was thinking the same. Bloody Face had contributed to only one good thing in his life. Sadly for him, he would never exist to the boy. Lana would not allow it.

.

When they put Johnny to bed, Lana and Wendy snuggled together on the sofa. The winds outside had begun to pick up sending a howl through the night. Wendy rested her head on Lana's shoulder, Lana's arm around her.

"Do you remember how tiny he was?" Wendy played with Lana's fingers.

"Yeah, I remember."

"I thought he'd break if I held him too tight."

"He really was a tiny little thing." Lana watched Wendy play with her hand. "So fragile and helpess…"

"He still is." Wendy noted.

"Yes, but now he's breaking my pots and terrorizing my shelves."

Wendy laughed. "He's still learning."

Lana leaned her head back, "Are we doing this right?"

Wendy turned to her, "Doing what right?"

"Raising him."

Wendy frowned, "Of course we are. What makes you think other wise?"

"I don't know, I guess maybe because we didn't throw him a party, invite the neighborhood or get him a clown."

"Ugh, Lana you know how I feel about clowns."

Lana chuckled, "Right. I forgot."

"Don't think that way. Besides, you said it yourself; we're the only ones he has. No one else should matter."

"Damn straight." Lana agreed. "I just can't help but to feel a little guilty."

"Don't." Wendy kissed her lips, "You're a wonderful mother. Stop second guessing yourself."

Lana sighed, "You're right."

"So you finally admit that I am?" Wendy raised a brow.

"Oh, shut up." Lana laughed. She glanced at Johnny's toys on the floor. "We have one year down and about seventeen more to go before he's old enough to abandon us."

Wendy laughed at this. "Seventeen years is a long time."

"A year is a long time and look at how fast that went."

"Don't worry Mama Bear, Baby Bear will still need you. Even after seventeen years."

Lana and Wendy went to bed sometime past midnight. When the clock struck twelve Lana was a bit sad that Johnny's big day was over. However, there would be many to come.

"Maybe when he turns five we could throw him a bigger party." Wendy suggested as she began to doze off.

"I'm sure he'd love that." Lana answered and turned off the light.


	18. All the Late Bloomers

**_Don't own AHS_**

 ** _A/N_** _:_ Dem jeans, Pauly.

 **.**

 **EIGHTEEN**

All the Late Bloomers

.

The boy sat plopped on the doctor's table in his diapers waiting to be examined. Lana stood by the table, guarding him in case he decided to crawl off. So far, the baby boy only seemed interested in the sanitary tissue he was sitting on. He crumbled it with his little hands and tried to rip it from beneath him.

Lana chewed on her thumbnail. She was eagerly awaiting the return of the doctor with his diagnoses of Johnny's inability to walk at a year old. Wendy was the first to worry but now Lana worried too.

Lana reached over and squished Johnny's thigh rolls, wondering if there was anything wrong with his legs. He seemed to be standing up on his own with the help of furniture or a hand but didn't make the effort to walk. At first Lana thought he needed time but enough was enough and she was an impatient woman after all. If there was something wrong with her son she wanted to know.

There was a knock on the door and the doctor stepped inside. Johnny took one look at the older gentlemen and raised his arms up to Lana. He didn't like to be poked and prodded with cold doctor's tools.

"Well, Miss Winters," He spoke, making his way over to the table.

"What is it, Doctor? What's wrong with my son?"

"That's the thing, there's nothing wrong." He said proudly and firmly with an aging smile. "Young Johnny here is healthy as can be."

Lana was confused, "Then why isn't he walking? He should be walking by now, I'm sure."

"To be honest with you, Miss Winters, all babies are different. They all reach milestones at different months. Johnny here is just a little late is all but he'll walk when he's ready."

"Muh-muh…" Johnny reached for Lana again. That time Lana picked him up and sat him on her hip.

"Are you sure?" She was still worried.

"Oh, I'm sure. He's just taking his sweet time. Trust me, some children don't begin walking until seventeen months, it's perfectly normal."

And with that, Lana left the doctor's office somewhat reassure with Johnny bundled up in his sweater and beanie.

.

"Are you sure?" Wendy asked skeptically. She sat at her desk in her classroom grading papers from a small pop quiz she had given earlier that day.

Lana stood by the black board, looking over the math equations that had been left behind on the board. "Yes, I'm sure that's what he said."

"Hmm." Wendy wasn't too convinced but was relieved the words had come from a doctor himself. She glanced over to where she kept the bookcases and play area. Johnny sat on the carpet playing with some of the classroom toys for free time. "Well, I guess we'll just have to wait."

Lana turned from the board with a sigh and glanced around at the Halloween decorations Wendy had plastered around her classroom; Halloween was the following day. It had been an hour since school let out and they were the only three in the classroom. Wendy's car was in the shop so Lana had swung by to pick her up.

Lana went around the desk and noticed the framed photo of little Johnny Wendy had on her desk. It made Lana smile but she wondered what Wendy told people when they asked the boy who it was. In that moment, Lana didn't want to ask. She wanted to give Wendy the benefit of the doubt. After all, Lana was no saint. The manuscript was still in her study.

Instead, a playful smirk danced along her lips, "I don't think we've ever been alone in your classroom before."

Wendy noted Lana's silky tone and glanced up to meet her tantalizing gaze. "Lana, the boy."

Lana looked up to check on Johnny who had used the book shelf to stand up and was now knocking books off the shelf. "Oh-oh!"

Lana frowned for a moment, distracted and then took her attention back to Wendy, scooting closer to her, "C'mon, don't be a prude."

"Lana!" Wendy gasped when Lana's hand attempted to make it's way up her skirt. "Lana, there's faculty still in the building. Someone could walk in."

Lana pulled away with a heavy sigh, "You're no fun, you know that?"

"Yes, well, I'd like to keep my job." Wendy turned hotly back to her papers.

Lana rolled her eyes and went to pluck Johnny from the mess he was making. "Fine. We'll wait for you outside then."

Wendy stood from the desk to stop her, "Lana—"

But to no avail. Lana was as stubborn as always and left with the baby.

.

Lana sat Johnny on the playground's merry go round and slowly began to spin it. She kept a close eye on him, making sure he wouldn't fall off. Wendy's fear of being caught always rubbed Lana the wrong way. She understood Wendy had it all on the line but every time she showed any sign of fear, Lana was reminded of her days in Briarcliff. Surely it had been Lana's fault for going in the first place but Wendy had been the one to keep her there with that ridiculous signature filled with fear and selfishness.

Screams suddenly hit the air, causing Lana to jump out of her deep thoughts. She immediately stopped the merry go round and grabbed Johnny. When she looked up, all she saw were a group of older children wearing masks running down the streets screaming and laughing.

Lana sighed, calming down her beating heart. She sat Johnny back down and knelt down right in front of him.

"Oh-oh." He mumbled.

"Uh-oh." Lana mimicked him. She caressed his hair and sighed, "Guess Mama Wendy's gonna want to take you trick or treating…." She studied his sweet little face.

He was looking a little like Oliver the older he got. Except those sky blues, those were all his own.

"Mommy's a little jumpy." Lana admitted to him, "And she might be for a long time."

Lana had often contemplated if she was going to one day tell Johnny about her time in Briarcliff. She was sure the boy would grow old enough to ask about his father one day and if she wouldn't provide answers, he was most likely going to look for them. Still, Lana was determined to not tell the boy who his father really was, hell, what he was. She wanted to spare him that pain and shame. Alas for Briarcliff, that was a part of her past that had left so many holes in the life. Holes that still needed to be covered with the kind of closure that took years to harvest.

Of course Johnny was going to ask her why she had nightmares during the night. She just hoped she had the right answers for him.

.

Wendy sat on the sofa that night watching the news. There was a segment on the upcoming holiday and the excitement going around. There were warnings issued about proper safety and so on. Johnny sat by the book case, harassing Lana's plant.

When Lana saw him, she plucked him from it and sat him back on his blanket in front of the television screen.

"You little stinker, what did I tell you about that plant." She scolded him.

"Oh!" He protested and began to crawl back to the plant.

"Which one of us is taking him out tomorrow night?" Wendy asked.

Lana once again plucked him from the floor and stood straight, holding him from under the arms as he dangled a few inches from the floor. "Take him where?"

Wendy raised a brow, "Trick or treating, you doof. Or did you forget?"

Lana scoffed, "I didn't forget." She sat Johnny down on the blanket again and handed him a toy.

Johnny shook the toy and threw it aside, crawling towards the plant again.

"I just don't understand why we both can't take him?"

"Well, one of us had to stay and pass the candy."

Lana sighed, "I don't know why you decide to every year."

Wendy frowned, "The kids know I do every year and they always stop by. You know that."

Lana watched Johnny reach her plant and begin to pull the soil out. "I guess I'll take him then. Your students will be awfully disappointed to see me instead."

Wendy laughed, "Well, have you picked out a costume for Johnny then?"

"No." Lana went over to the plant and yanked the boy back by his onesie. "I'll stop by tomorrow after work."

"Don't forget." Wendy warned.

Johnny squirmed out of her grasp and dove for the plant again.

"I won't—Johnny! Please stop." Lana picked him up and sat him on her hip. "You just earned yourself a bath."

"He's determined. I wonder where he gets that from?" Wendy called out as Lana disappeared down the hall with the whining child.

"Ha-ha, very funny!" Lana's voice echoed back.

.

As soon as the sun set behind the stormy gray clouds, children emerged from their homes dressed in costumes to beg for candy. Their cries of excitement and laughter could be heard from inside the Winters-Peyser residence.

The two women stood in the living room, hands on their hips and eyes down on the baby boy that sat on the floor in front of them.

Wendy didn't look too convinced but was awfully amused, no less, "Lana, you're terrible."

Lana frowned and glanced at her, "What? Why?"

Wendy tried to cover her smile, "The poor thing. You're so mean."

"I told you, it's all they had." Lana defended herself.

Wendy sighed, "I guess that's what we get for waiting last minute."

The two women laid their eyes upon the baby boy dressed in a skunk costume, striped tail and all. He glanced up at them, hoodie and ears over his head and flashed them a smile, unaware of what they were laughing at.

"Oh my goodness, let me get the camera."

"Wendy—" Lana sighed, "We're going to be late."

Wendy returned with her camera, "Oh, don't be sour, Lana. It won't take long."

Lana just shook her head. She had arrived to the costume store after work a few hours prior. They were low on baby costumes and only had the skunk, a tiger and a pumpkin left. Lana made the quick decision when she remembered her dismembered plant at home. It wasn't her best moment but one she would laugh at in years to come.

The little boy seemed to enjoy trick or treating. He was a bit confused as to why they were doing it but once he saw all the other children receiving candy he grew excited and wanted to join in too. Sadly, he couldn't quite walk on his own but he seemed eager to do so.

By the time they returned home, Wendy was sitting in the living room with the bowl of candy watching a horror movie.

"How'd it go?" She asked.

Lana set the boy down; he had yanked off his skunk hoodie and was crawling to the plant. Lana, too tired to fright him on it, let it go. She plunked down next to Wendy and picked a candy from Johnny's pumpkin pail. "Exhausting."

"Did he have fun?"

"Looked like it."

Johnny used the pot to haul himself up. He then glanced over his shoulder, looked at his mothers and smiled. He took one stepped towards them and toppled over.

"Any day now." Wendy pointed out and called the boy over.

Johnny crawled over to them and raised his hands to be picked up. "Dey-di." He babbled when Wendy picked him up and sat him on her lap.

Lana watched the two of them. That time last year Johnny was a tiny new born and the year before that Lana was locked inside Briarcliff. She was almost nervous of what next year would bring but hoped it would be worth it.


	19. The Apple

**A/N:** I'm sorry but Roanoke was messy trash. Brad and Ryan, y'all hurt my feelings. The plot was horribly messy and not in the way Freak Show was and the finale wasn't much of a finale. I wish we could have learned more about the lost colony and of Gaga's character. Like what the heck? It felt short handed.

I mean I think it would have been cool if they hadn't gone with a reality TV thing during modern times and instead based the plot around the lost colony in their time. I mean that's what I thought was going to happen when the lost colony was revealed as the theme. It was a disappointing season but luckily The Walking Dead is so damn good right now I'm not too bummed out.

.

 **NINTEEN**

The Apple

.

The rain seemed never ending that November in the year of 1966. Tons of water dropped upon Boston with no remorse, drenching everything in its path and flooding the streets, making it almost impossible to leave the house or even want to leave the house. The Peyser-Winters residents were one of many that tried to keep warm and dry that chilly November. The house was littered with scented candles and the fire was always burning.

The day Johnny got up and took his first steps was one of those rainy days and one Lana almost missed. There were reruns on the television and Wendy was playing music in the kitchen. She was home early that day due to the weather and Lana was relieved she was at home with the boy.

Lana was on her way out to cover a story when she saw the heavy rains and knew traffic in the city would be worse than hell. Now, rain normally wouldn't stop her ambition, it was the sight of Johnny's elbow dimples that did her in. A rainy day at home seemed much better than covering a story that would end up in the corner article of the last page of the paper. So Lana closed the door and stayed home.

Sometimes Lana felt like motherhood put a hold on all else. Her career didn't seem as important and neither did the fame. Her selfishness had dwindled at the sight of those blue eyes and the need to follow every daft story came to a halt when she asked herself what the child would do without her.

Johnny was first in Lana's life. She had even lowered Wendy down from the pedestal to place the boy on top. Lana felt guilty but she knew Wendy had done the same. The boy had become their main priority and those first steps brought a new faze to their lives. One, which made Lana realize that her baby wasn't much of a baby, and two, that a lot, more of their things were in danger of being broken.

His steps were shaky but he was so sure of himself, holding no fear while he darted in the direction of his mother. When Wendy came into the room she made a fuss and made a note to get the camera.

"I told you he'd walk when he was ready." Wendy beamed.

Lana snorted, "I'm sure I told you that." She welcomed the now walking boy into her arms.

Johnny was so delighted with himself. He clapped his hands once he was in Lana's embrace.

"See? That wasn't so bad, was it?" Lana asked him, "Now you get to wreck even more havoc through my home."

And so Johnny's new reign over the household began. His shaky steps gathered strength after multiple practice attempts. He went from three shaky steps to four and then more. Of course he would still lose balance and topple over but he never cried when his little hands hit the floor. He just got back up.

He followed his mothers around the house with newfound enthusiasm, extremely pleased with himself. Wendy bragged to the other teachers of her "nephew" finally beginning to walk. The way she spoke about him, the other staff members could have sworn she was talking about her own son. Even Lana had told her boss, Lou, about Johnny's milestone. She looked very proud when she did and was relieved as well.

There was always worry in the back of her mind when it came to Johnny's health. Physical and mental. His father was clinically insane and Lana held a fear deep down inside of her that Oliver had in a way passed his insanity down to the boy. The thought left Lana sleepless at nights and gave her nightmares.

She questioned her fears, wondering how such a sweet boy could grow up to be a monster? It didn't make sense, she told herself. Oliver was a monster because he grew up to be one due to his upbringing. If he had been loved, if he had been cherished by his mother, he wouldn't have been so. Well, she was going to make sure her son wouldn't be.

But Lana wasn't the only one with worries. Wendy too often sat distracted in her classroom while her students read silently to themselves. She had never met Johnny's father, she had only seen him in the newspaper after the events happened. From his photo he appeared to be a fine and handsome man; he looked intelligent, with a good head on his shoulders. He appeared to be the type of man she guessed would be open minded to the world's new changes. He looked…sane.

Oliver Thredson was indeed a handsome man but he was nowhere near sane. He might have been quite intelligent but he sure didn't have a good head on his shoulders. His mind was filled with perverse thoughts and he did so well to hide them. It was what scared Wendy. That he looked so normal, so handsome, so welcoming. She couldn't blame Lana for trusting him and ultimately falling into his trap. But alas, he was Johnny's biological father and Wendy couldn't help to wonder what other traits he had passed down to the boy.

However, Wendy's concerns didn't run deep as Lana's. She didn't worry about Johnny growing up to be insane like his father. She was curious as to if he would grow to share his father's interest in medicine. If he would grow up to wear glasses and have darker hair like his father. She wondered if their mannerisms would be the same, if they would share any allergies or tastes in food. Those were the kind of things that plagued Wendy. Things she knew there was no way of asking Lana.

Wendy almost wanted to laugh at the thought of asking Lana if she knew if Bloody Face had any allergies or liked to play chess. It was a ridiculous thought but Wendy was curious to know how far the apple had fallen.

.

He went about the house with little wobbly steps, arms up in pure delight and a grin so wide it was contagious. Wendy encouraged the boy, standing at odd ends of the room, calling his name and making little noises to catch his attention. She was extremely delighted with his brand new milestone and boasted about it to the faculty at her school.

Lana on the other hand became more concerned for her fragile belongings and her furniture. Nothing was safe now that the boy was walking. He was clumsy and often stumbled when he went too fast but he was mobile. Lana also found him to be like a cat, always standing in the way and getting in between her feet. Nonetheless, she was relieved he was walking.

The rain was pouring that weekday morning, like always. Lana was in the kitchen attempting to make an omelet that already had a few pieces of the egg shell inside it. Johnny sat in his high chair trying to reach his feet to yank off his socks.

"I'm watching you, boy." Lana warned him, "Don't think I'm not."

Johnny whined a little and continued to squirm. Lana opened the fridge and grabbed a little cup of yogurt, opened it and placed it on the high chair in front of him.

"Here, eat this." She turned her back to him and sighed, "But we both know you're just going to make a mess with it."

"It's not a mess, Lana. It's art." Wendy came into the kitchen ready for her class.

Lana scoffed, "Art my ass." She looked over her shoulder while she whisked the omelet. "You try selling that at any museum and then come tell me about it."

Wendy laughed, brushing the back of Johnny's head. His hair was growing wild and curling at the ends. She could eat him up. "Lana, you're cruel. You're supposed to encourage your son not put him down."

"I doubt he cares. All he wants to do is run amuck and kill my plants."

Wendy kissed the top of his head. "Like you aren't doing that already?"

Lana exhaled, "I'm going to pretend you didn't say that."

Wendy stood next to her at the stove. "Haven't given up, have we?"

"I don't know what you mean."

Wendy grinned at Lana, "This is why I love you."

"Huh. And I always thought you loved me for my mind."

"Even better." Wendy kissed her cheek.

Johnny watched his mothers from his high chair and faked a wail. Both Lana and Wendy turned to see him covered in yogurt.

"Do you think it bothers him when we kiss?" Wendy asked Lana, both of their eyes still on the boy.

"I don't see why it would. He's still too little to understand."

"I don't know. He always makes a fuss when we do."

"Maybe he's jealous."

Wendy raised a brow, "Jealous of what?"

"That you're stealing me from him."

Wendy laughed, "Is that so?"

"It's so." Lana confirmed.

In a way Wendy knew it was true. Johnny did cling to Lana the most. It must have been the connection they shared while he was still in the womb. Maybe that or maybe he could just sense that she was his real mother.

It was odd the way Johnny sought them out in different ways. When he woke during the middle of the night he would not settle until Lana cradled him close. When he was being naughty, it was Wendy's arms he found comfort in after a good scolding. He wasn't even fifteen months old but he was already learning who to turn to for what.

"Well, if it is or not, it'll have to be discussed later. I have to get to the school and this rain isn't going to make it any easier."

Lana followed Wendy out to the living room. "Would you call me crazy if I said I felt guilty for missing out on work today?"

"Why would I?" Wendy looked for her car keys. She was sure Johnny had flung them somewhere. "And why would you?"

Lana leaned against the walkway between the living room and the kitchen. She looked over at Johnny who was sticking his hand in the yogurt cup and then shoving it into his mouth. "I feel like I should be out there…"

Wendy sighed, "Lana, one day won't hurt you."

Lana exhaled, "You used to encourage me, do you remember?"

"That was before we had a little baby to worry about." Wendy went up to her, "Don't worry babe. Your stories will pick up again soon."

Lana nodded but said nothing further on the matter. She couldn't make Wendy understand how much of a failure she felt by putting her career on low. Hell, she was supposed to be on television by then and she wasn't.

So Lana faked a smile and saw Wendy off.

.

Wendy spent the majority of her day distracted by thoughts of Lana and her journalism. Johnny really seemed to put a halt on her life but Wendy knew somehow it was for the better. Lana would have her time in the sun.

"Miss Peyser?" Came little Molly's voice.

"Yes, sweetheart?" Wendy snapped out of her thoughts.

"I don't get this word." Molly showed Wendy the book she had been reading.

"What word?"

Molly pointed at it, "This one."

And so Wendy's day as a beloved teacher went on without any further interruptions until lunchtime came around.

Wendy found herself in the teacher's lounge showing some fellow teachers a photo of Johnny standing on the front porch of the house. Lana could be seen on the sidelines, standing there, looking in a different direction.

"Oh, he's so precious, Wendy. How old is he now?" Miss Reinhart the second grade teacher asked.

"He just turned a year on late October."

"Such a little cherub." Mrs. Cole commented.

"And when are you planning on having one of your own?" Mrs. Redding asked with no mal intent, just plain curiosity and a little teasing amongst friends and colleagues.

Wendy felt short and her smile faded a little. How badly she wanted to say that Johnny was hers, she just hadn't given birth to him but she did consider herself his mother and she was. She just couldn't tell them that. But Wendy knew she was just afraid to. There was still so much to lose if she.

"Oh, I don't know."

"Oh, it's such a wonderful thing having one of your own." Mrs. Redding said with a soft sigh while she fixed her glasses.

"Not everyone wants to have kids of course." Mrs. Cole replied with a light frown, "My husband and I are far from ready."

"But what else can you do when society expects you to do nothing but marry and have kids?" Miss Reinhart asked, "My parents are hounding me on marriage. I'm twenty-three, I'm still young."

"Times are changing. It wasn't like it used to be." Wendy replied, "Women can do as they please."

"That's dangerous talk there, Peyser." Mrs. Cole joked.

The bell that signaled recess and lunch was over rang, calling the teachers back to their classrooms to greet the children.

"Best not to dwell on it." Mrs. Cole placed her hand on Wendy, "It'll happen when it happens."

Wendy forced a smile and nodded but said not much else on the matter.

.

Johnny tried to climb onto Lana's lap while she typed away on her typewriter. Lana had been attempting to write something other than a news article. Perhaps a substitute for what she had been hiding on the top shelf. She grabbed Johnny around the belly with one arm and hauled him up onto her lap. He excitedly slapped the desk with his hands, happy to be included in whatever Lana was doing.

"I need some inspiration here…" She sighed, "What do you think?"

"Muh-muh." He reached for her face.

Lana grabbed his hand and kissed it. "I have no clue either."

The front door opened and Lana sighed, "Looks like Mama's home." She stood from the desk with Johnny and went off to greet her. Neither woman brought up her worries of the day to one another.

.

Thanksgiving finally arrived later that week. Lana had asked Wendy to pick up the cooked turkey she had ordered on her way home from the bakery and made the rest of the food herself from a cookbook Wendy had gotten her the week before for such an occasion. Johnny sat in his high chair, whining and fussing. He wanted Lana's attention. Wendy had gone out to pick up a pie from the bakery. Lana wasn't too confident in baking one and she sure didn't have the time to do so while Johnny demanded her attention.

Johnny continued to whine for her, big blues growing watery with tears.

"In a minute, Johnny." Lana checked on the yams questioning if they looked right. "Are they supposed to look like this?" She asked herself.

Johnny cried louder.

Lana sighed and threw the hand towel on the counter, "Okay, okay." She went over to Johnny and plucked him from the high chair, sitting him on her hip.

He immediately smiled.

Lana shook her head at the boy, "You must be very pleased with yourself, aren't you?"

Johnny only giggled and babbled some nonsense. He watched Lana continue to cook and tried to reach out and grab almost everything. When Lana tried to sit him back in his chair he cried. So she gave him a slice of apple, stuck it in his mouth and let him suck on it. Distracted, Johnny no longer tried to stick his hand in the cooking mashed potatoes.

"Oh thanks goodness." Lana sighed with relief when she heard the front door opening.

"You will not believe how packed the bakery was." Wendy said totally amused as she set the pie on the table. She then tugged on her scarf in attempts to take it off. Her hair was messy from the winds outside and she was calming down from a shiver. Lana didn't even want to think about how cold it was outside.

"Here," Lana handed the boy to Wendy, "Take this."

Johnny's mouth opened in a wide grin when he was handed to Wendy.

"Hi, baby boy." Wendy kissed his cheek, "Are you driving your mother insane?"

Johnny squealed.

"I'll take that as a yes."

"I could have told you that." Lana sighed.

Wendy sat Johnny on her hip and went to Lana's side. She looked at all the food and kissed Lana on the cheek, "It looks great, Love."

"You think so?"

"Yes. Let's just hope it tastes great."

Lana rolled her eyes, "Shut up."

Wendy laughed while Johnny threw his half chewed apple slice to the floor.

"Johnny." Both Lana and Wendy sighed in a disapproving manner.

"So," Lana continued, "Where's the bird? In the car?"

Wendy bit her bottom lip, "Well…"

Lana didn't like the sound of that. "Well, _what?_ "

.

Later that evening Lana found herself sitting in front of her vanity mirror pinning her hair up into a ponytail, silently seething in annoyance. When she finished, she let her hands down and sighed, thinking of the turkey order that had been cancelled and all the food that she had cooked that now sat in plastic containers in the fridge.

"You might as well put a bullet to my head."

Wendy popped her head out of the bathroom, "Lana, relax. You've survived past years, you'll survive this one too."

"I'd rather be locked at Briarcliff and flogged by a nun…" She mumbled under her breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing." Lana stood from the vanity and went to the bed where Johnny was napping. He was dressed in his holiday best but had dozed off during the process of being dressed. She watched over her son for a moment.

Wendy returned to the bathroom and emerged minutes later. She looked at Lana and covered her mouth to suppress a sigh. Her heart just wanted to break at the sight of the reporter she adored so much. She hadn't bothered to tell her until last minute that she had accepted her mother's invitation to Thanksgiving dinner despite the fact that they already had plans.

"So, what crazy story are we going to tell your family this year, hmm?" Lana asked without bothering to look at Wendy.

"What am I this year? Your roommate? Your friend?" She met Wendy's eyes, "Your life partner?"

"Lana, please don't…"

"Right." Lana gently picked up Johnny from the bed. He stirred for a moment and nestled his head on Lana's shoulder, "Let's not ruin dinner, shall we?"

"Lana."

Lana walked past Wendy and out of the room.

"Why do you have to make this a thing every time we go with my parents?" Wendy followed after her.

"I don't make it a thing." Lana retorted, "I just want to know what I'll be telling your relatives when they hound me about our lives."

"They're not going to hound you." Wendy assured her. "Please stop worrying about this."

"It's easy for you to say."

Wendy cupped Lana's face in her hands and smiled, "It'll be fine. Stop worrying so much."

Lana couldn't help to smile either and nodded. "Okay, I'm sorry."

.

The two women found themselves parked outside of Wendy's parent's home later that night. The rain had stopped falling for once. They could tell from outside that the home was alive with Wendy's relatives. All the cars parked outside were a testament to that as well.

Wendy sat behind the wheel. She glanced over her shoulder to see Johnny sitting in the back seat buckled up and fast asleep. He hadn't woken up once since they left home and both of them knew he would be up all night but didn't bother to wake him. Wendy then looked at Lana whose eyes were set on the windows of the house where behind the curtains she could make out the shadows of the residents inside. Wendy knew she was nervous. Ever since Johnny was born Lana had to defend herself as a single mother and all the questions that came with it. She never told people upfront she was a single mother. People often figured it out on their own.

Wendy set her eyes on the road ahead of her and without thinking it further; she turned the ignition back on. Lana's head whipped quickly to her. "What are you doing?"

Wendy smirked playfully at her, "Having Thanksgiving with my family."

Lana bit back a laugh but her smile was undeniable, "But we didn't even get the turkey?"

"I hear that new Chinese place is open now. Wouldn't hurt to try it out."

Lana smiled adoringly at her, "Sounds good to me."

.

Johnny was wide awake at the restaurant, sticking his hand into a bowl of noodles and then stuffing it into his mouth.

"He slept all evening." Wendy mentioned while taking a bite out of her food.

Lana looked over at Johnny who sat in the booth next to her. "Yes, I know."

"He's going to be up all night."

"Yes, he is."

Lana met Wendy's eyes and they both laughed.

.

When they arrived home, Lana set Johnny down upon their bed with a bottle in attempts to get him to go to sleep but he was bright eyed and bushy tailed. She continued to untie his shoes and undress him.

"I'm sorry you had to miss time with your family today." Lana told Wendy.

Wendy stood in front of their shared closet while she changed out of her clothes. "It's fine. I'll call my mother in a bit to let her know why we didn't show up."

Lana left Johnny on the bed and went to Wendy, taking her hand and kissing it. When she let Wendy's hand gently drop to the side, she was greeted by Wendy's lips upon hers. "If I had to choose, you know it would be you." Wendy whispered to her. "It'll always be you. I know that now."

Lana closed her eyes and let Wendy kiss her over and over. She wanted to believe her and in that moment, she did.


	20. Winter Wonders

**Don't Own AHS**

 **A/N:** Hi, everyone! I didn't realize how long it has been since I updated. So in the spirit of Christmas I decided to work on a chapter! I hope you're all doing well and are enjoying the holidays.

.

 **TWENTY**

Winter Wonders

.

The pace at the office never stopped. It seemed like a never-ending circle of chaos; especially around the holidays. The office was adorned with multiple wreaths and a few mistletoes that Lana had avoided like the plague. It was a week before Christmas and Lana was knee high in reports and articles. She had snagged a somewhat interesting story on a man who dressed as Santa Clause and burned his house down to collect the insurance money. The story itself was a little out there but it was something.

Lana collected her notes and stood from her desk in her way to the break room. Just above the entrance of the door was mistletoe. Lana rolled her eyes and crossed the threshold.

"C'mon, Sweetheart. Where's your holiday spirit?" Don Matthers was bothering Lou's new assistant. The poor girl had only been there three weeks and she had already been bothered by multiple of the reporters.

Lana made her way to the coffee and poured herself a cup, "Don, leave the girl alone."

"Winters, I'm just teasin' her is all." Don interjected. He was a young man in his late twenties, rather on the annoying side. He went about the place like he owned it. Still, his style was messy and he didn't pull in too much hustle. Lana wasn't impressed.

"Why don't you go tease, McAllister. I know you two are constantly up each other's asses."

Loy's assistant, looked at Lana and bit back a smile. She was a shy young thing and Lana wondered how she had made it in the office so long. Perhaps she was stronger than she looked.

Don scoffed. "Wait, you crossed the door too, Winters."

"Yeah, not even in your dreams. Get out of there, Don." Lana gestured her head towards the door.

Don shook his head and left the break room with his tail between his legs.

"Thanks." The young woman sighed once Don had left, relieved to be left alone.

"Don means well but he's an idiot. Don't mind him, Miss—?"

"Rachel." The young woman answered coming forth.

Lana smiled at the bright-eyed young woman, "Rachel." She spoke her name with a welcoming tone, "Well, it's nice to have finally met you."

.

Lana parked the car on the driveway of their snow-covered house. Winter had been relentless in Boston that December but all the white snow made the simple neighborhood look like a winter wonderland—or so Wendy had said.

When stepped out of the car, closed the door and went to open the trunk where she had purchased a few more Christmas gifts for Johnny. It would be his second Christmas and Lana hoped it went a lot better than his last. Lana still felt a lot of resentment during the past holidays, she still struggled to shake her time in Briarcliff off but that was something too hard to forget so easily.

Alas, she didn't want it to cripple her. Not for another season and not for another year.

It was strange the way things had changed so drastically. And not with Briarcliff but with just Johnny alone. Before their house smelled like the devil's greens whenever Wendy was home on vacation. Now the house smelled sweet with lit candles and baked goods. It was odd how a child suddenly turned one into a master baker. Lana would have never guessed.

On that day, the house smelled like pine from the freshly cut Christmas tree and gingerbread. It was like stepping into another dimension for Lana. It all seemed too good to be true, like a scene out of a movie she'd hate to watch because it was not her reality. However, now it was and it felt more foreign than ever. Still, she tried to leave her skepticism outside in the cold and enjoy her life for what it was.

Johnny was napping in his play pen by the Christmas tree. His tiny, pudgy hands had yanked off all the ornaments on the bottom already. Nothing in the house was truly safe from a walking baby with a curiosity that would kill a hundred cats.

Lana reached into the playpen and caressed his face. He was such a sweet little cherub when he slept. A true little darling. It was hard to believe who his real parents were. Lana almost forgot.

"Oh, you're home." Wendy came from the kitchen, "I thought I heard the door close."

"Yeah, I'm home." Lana let Wendy come to her and they kissed hello.

"Finally. This place has been a zoo without you."

Lana laughed, "I can imagine."

Johnny began to softly stir from his sleep. When he opened his eyes, he looked up at Lana and smiled a sleepy smile. He raised his hands to be picked up and so Lana obliged.

"Hi, sleepy boy."

Johnny giggled sleepily and rested his head on Lana's shoulder.

"Oh, sure, be sweet to Mommy but be a little devil all morning." Wendy teased the boy.

Lana laughed, "We're raising a little monster, I'm telling you." She stopped at her words, realizing what she had said and kissed Johnny's head. He would be far from that.

.

 **CHRISTMAS EVE 1966**

Johnny liked to harass the little bit of presents under the tree. He'd pick them up and walk them around the house, dropping them in random places and sticking them in his mouth, wetting the wrapping paper. He was dressed quite dapper in corduroys, a button up, suspenders and a bow tie to finish it all up. All to look his best for his mothers' Christmas party. It was the first time he would meet all of their friends.

Lana spent much of her time that day writing at her desk. She had completely forgotten the Maniac manuscript hidden in the room and worked on what other pieces she had to get through. The Santa arsonist had been convicted and a trial was to be set up. That would bring in a lot of work, Lana knew.

Lana also wanted to forget about the Christmas party they would be hosting in their home later that evening. She hadn't seen the majority of their friends in a long time and was nervous as to how they would treat her. She knew they all knew what had happened to her and that she had decided to keep her son. What she didn't know was how they would react to it all in person. Lana could care less but she would be a liar if she said it didn't make her nervous.

Wendy came into the room with Johnny in arms. "Excuse me, Miss?"

Lana glanced up from her typewriter; she had been so entranced she hadn't even heard Wendy enter the room with the baby.

"Can you watch him, please? He's causing a storm in the living room."

Lana frowned, "Wendy, I'm working."

"Working? You're supposed to be getting ready for the party."

Lana glanced over at the clock. It was barely five but the sun was already setting. The party was to start at seven. "I have plenty of time, relax."

"Shit, Lana. Did you at least wrap Johnny's gifts from Santa?"

Lana looked at her with a confused frown and Wendy just knew. "Seriously?"

Lana closed her eyes for a moment, "I'm sorry. I forgot. I'll do them after the party."

"Lana—"

"Hey, he's only one, he doesn't even know what's going on. He won't care."

"Well, I care."

Wendy walked over and plunked the boy down on her lap. "Fine. At least watch your son then." She turned to leave the room.

"Hey, he's yours too!" Lana called out after her.

"Sorry, Mother Wendy needs a break!"

Lana sighed and looked down at the baby. He reached over, grabbed the papers she had finished typing on and yanked them off the desk, spilling them on the floor. "Oh-oh."

Lana gave another heavy sigh. "Why are you like this?"

"Oh-oh."

.

The house was full with multiple women dressed in what they deemed to be their Christmas finest. Some wore dresses and others wore dress pants. A few men also intermingled through the crowd, laughing and having drinks. Johnny was safe in his mother's arms, looking at one person and then at the other with concerned eyes. It was the first time they had so many people in their home.

"Oh, he's precious." One of Wendy's friends from college commented to Lana.

"Thank you." She replied.

"Good thing, huh?" She joked but Lana frowned in response.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, Sharon, no." Another woman said and grabbed the woman named Sharon, taking her away to the kitchen.

Lana rolled her eyes and turned to the record player currently playing Billie Holiday. She reached over for her glass of wine and took a long drink. Johnny reached for it.

"No, no. Drinking is for mommy. Not for baby."

Wendy emerged from the kitchen into the living room, laughing from something Cynthia had just said. "Goodness, Cynthia is a mad woman."

"I know a thing or two about man women." Lana muttered, "And Cynthia ain't one of them."

Wendy noticed Lana's rigid expression and became concerned, "What's the matter?"

"Between everyone ignoring me like the plague and Sharon insulting me while complementing Johnny? Oh, I'm not sure."

"Don't let Sharon get to you. You know how she gets when she drinks."

"I know." Lana looked at Johnny, "And he's more than precious. He's marvelous. Aren't you, Mister?"

Johnny smiled at pointed at a laughing couple. "Oh!"

Lana kissed his cheek. "I'm going to go change him."

"I'll go with you." Wendy followed after her.

Lana laid Johnny on their bed and began to change him. "I live for the days in where you can wipe your own butt." She told him.

Johnny just stuck his fingers in his mouth.

"The party is going great, isn't it?" Wendy asked.

"Yes, it's fine." Lana answered, "Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves. She finished changing his diaper and grabbed his pants.

"Are _you_ having fun?" Wendy went up to Lana taking her free hand.

Lana faced her, "There's wine, music and some people I actually can stand. Of course I'm having fun."

Wendy kissed her lips, "Good." She said when she pulled apart. "I love you, you know."

"I know. Of course I know."

Wendy gave Lana's hand a soft tug. They heard a soft thud followed by quick foot steps and looked up to see a pants-less baby heading towards the door.

"Oh, no you don't." Lana went after him. "This is not that kind of party."

.

Lana handed the baby off to Wendy while she mingled amongst the rest of their guests. Many of them were genuinely happy to see her again. They asked about her work and discussed how quickly the times were changing. The seventies were approaching and so much had changed already.

Lois served Lana a few mixed drinks and she and Barb talked about Barb's book club. Lana had thought about joining but with Johnny she couldn't even fathom having any free time but she did give Barb some good suggestions. There was a game of white elephant followed by more drinks and games.

"Wow, you two are very lucky." Said Eleanor Allister. A mutual friend of Lana and Wendy's from years prior.

"For what?" Wendy asked.

Lana held Johnny in her arms. He was sucking on a candy cane Lois had snuck to him while his mothers' weren't looking.

"Having your own family." Eleanor answered. She looked over at the woman next to her and smile adoringly at her. "Carmen and I would kill to have a little one of our own to complete our family."

Lana and Wendy looked at one another. "Oh, Eleanor. Times are changing, perhaps one day you will. Who knows? I mean we didn't know we would. Did we, Lana?"

"No." Lana shook her head, "He definitely wasn't planned or expected."

"It's strange how little miracles appear from the most hideous of things." Carmen said, looking at Johnny with awe.

Lana nodded in agreement. "He does make it all feel worth it."

Wendy smiled at Lana. She thought the same about the boy.

"And look at those precious eyes. Like sapphires." Carmen cooed.

"We truly envy you, Lana. We really do." Eleanor sighed.

Lana gave them a half smile for it was all she could muster. Of course they envied her precious baby but she knew neither of them would want to go through the same thing Lana did to end up with him. Hell, sometimes she wondered herself if she would do it all the same to get him in the end.

He looked at her with those gorgeous blues and cracked a little smile.

Maybe she would. In every single version of reality.


	21. Summer Children

**A/N:** Yes, I'm alive!

 **.**

 **TWENTY-ONE**

Summer Children

.

The boy followed behind his mother like a little duckling, arms up, cheeks rosy red, eyes on the brink of tears, mumbling nonsense that only he understood. He was like feathers to glue, following her all over the house. His steps were shaky and uncoordinated, still unsure of themselves but determination drove them forward. Once or twice he stumbled and toppled to the side but got right back up, using his dimpled hands to push himself up, unrelenting.

Lana's hands were full with notes and files from a current story she was working on. A man had been found dead in his home and foul play was at hand. Wendy had advised her not to dwell too much into such dangers and Lana promised she'd keep a safe distance. "It's not like I'm going to walk into the belly of the beast." She had said.

"Muh-muh!" Johnny called after Lana, arms still up, "Me! Me!"

She leaned over and with one hand, collected the almost two-year-old boy and sat him on her hip, continuing to read the papers she had balanced in her free hand. Work never seemed to stop for Lana, not that she wanted it to. However, she had become very good at multitasking since the boy came home.

Johnny settled once in her embrace, he looked from Lana to Wendy who was sitting in the living room grading book reports from her class. He pointed at her and mumbled, "Muh-muh." Whilst looking back at Lana.

Wendy was busy in thought, marking things here and there while she read, correcting grammar and spelling, muttering small nothings to herself. Lana used to love to see Wendy so into her work, not it tended to remind her that Wendy would always choose her career before her. She had done so before. And even though the thought was one filled with much resentment, Lana felt guilty and shoved it out of her mind. She had forgiven, but forgetting was still difficult.

Both women were far entranced in their own workloads but still managed to keep the little one preoccupied between them both. Life with the boy had been a pleasure but a tremendous change both women had to adapt to. Especially now that he was mobile and climbing all over the place. His little legs were covered in tiny bruises and small scratches from bumping into things and tripping over his wobbly steps. Just the day before he had fallen backwards and bumped his head on a chair. He cried for a few minutes and then went about his adventures without a care while his mothers bickered about taking him to the doctor or not.

"Children are resilient, he's fine." Lana tried to calm Wendy down, "It's just a bump."

"What if he has a concussion?" Wendy asked, coddling the boy to her chest, swaying him back and forth.

"Wendy, he's _fine._ " Lana repeated, "He's going to fall and have accidents. Stop worrying yourself."

Their conversation went on like that for another thirty minutes or so. They always seemed to drag and it was clear both women had grown different ideas on how to raise the boy. They often clashed.

At one point, Lana set the child down and turned on the television for him. Wendy glanced over and leaned back on the sofa, "Lana, we promised we wouldn't do that."

"Yes, well, five minutes won't hurt." She stopped the tv on a channel where a man with a guitar was playing on a stage.

Johnny's eyes glossed over and a large smile spread across his face. He began to squat up and down in front of the screen as if dancing.

Lana went over to the sofa and plunked down next to Wendy, leaning her head back. "I am so exhausted."

Wendy patted Lana's thigh, "Hang in there, Mommy. You'll live."

"You think so?"

"You've been through worse."

Lana half smiled, "Thanks for reminding me."

Wendy laughed and looked back to her papers, "It can only get better from here."

.

In the afternoons during their free time, the couple found themselves at the park. The boy ran circles in the grass, squealing and giggling up a storm. Lana and Wendy sat on a blanket under a tree, watching him. The playground near by was filled with children and their parents.

Wendy noticed a man with his wife and wondered if she and Lana would ever be able to show the world their real selves.

"He's growing so much." Wendy mentioned, watching Johnny pluck a dandelion from the ground with his entire hand, squishing it in the process.

Lana glanced over at the boy in the overalls and agreed. "He is changing."

"When do you think we'll have to explain our situation to him?" Wendy asked. She always wondered.

Lana lulled her head to the side, "It's too soon to think about that." Lana wondered too but she tried not to think about it too often. It would give her headaches, or so she said.

"That's what I thought when we first brought him home. Look at him now, walking and talking. He'll be two by fall."

Lana met Wendy's gaze, "You like to worry, don't you?"

Wendy smiled sheepishly, "I'm only thinking ahead."

Lana placed her hand on Wendy's and instantly felt her tense up. Lana didn't let her reaction get to her but she knew Wendy was still resistant about showing affection to one another in public. It annoyed Lana so she pulled her hand away and gave her attention to Johnny who handed her the shredded dandelion.

"Oh, wow, thank you, Johnny. It's so beautiful." She humored him.

Johnny giggled, pleased that Lana liked his gift.

Wendy reached into the basket and handed Johnny a slice of apple. He plopped down between his mothers and munched on it while he watched the other children play, unaware of how different his life would be from theirs.

.

Summer came and went with the blink of an eye. The little family barely survived the hot Boston days with fans, ice cold drinks and open windows. They spent the warm mornings tangled amongst each other in their shared bed; the little boy cuddled to one mother while resting his legs on the other, cheeks rosy red and ready to be kissed awake.

Lana was the first one up that morning in mid September. She had a rough night, tossing and turning from nightmares of cold white tiles and leather restraints. When Lana woke during the night, she saw the little boy still fast asleep between she and Wendy. His little tummy went up and down with every little breath. His presence alone was enough to make her doze back to sleep.

Lana stood on the side of the bed, glancing down at Johnny who slept with his little arms raised above him. He was so sweet when he slept; it was hard to believe he was hers. She placed her hand gently upon his belly and softly roused him awake.

"Good morning." She spoke gently to him.

Johnny brought his little hands down and rubbed his sleepy eyes in protest, not quite ready to start his day.

"It's about that time, little love."

Johnny opened his cobalt blues, blinking a few times before landing his vision on his mother. His chocolate brown hair was in waves and curls, crazy from sleep.

"Hi, Muh-muh." He mumbled in that almost two-year-old voice.

"Hi, Johnny."

He raised his arms up and she swiftly picked him up, settling him on her hip while he rubbed his eyes again. His hair was one cowlick after another. He wasn't a morning person and usually didn't crack a smile until breakfast touched his lips. Johnny looked over at his other mother who lay still fast asleep.

"Up?" He asked Lana, pointing at Wendy.

"No, let her sleep a little bit longer, c'mon." Lana took the boy out of the room and into the kitchen where she plopped him down in the high chair Wendy purchased at an antique store. She had been so smitten when they first brought him home. They hadn't even been prepared. Now the house looked as if the boy was destined to belong from the beginning.

"Alright, what do you want to eat?" Lana asked the little boy while she looked through the fridge.

Johnny just babbled gibberish and played with the bead bracelet Wendy had put on his wrist the night before while they were playing before bath time.

"Oatmeal? You want oatmeal?"

"No!"

"Of course you do." Lana brought out the essentials and prepared some oatmeal. When it came to Johnny, what she said went. She wasn't the parent that let the boy do and eat what he pleased. That parent was Wendy. She just couldn't say no.

By the time Wendy joined them at the table, Lana had already finished making breakfast. Wendy kissed the top of Johnny's head and sat down. She made a joke about the sloppy oatmeal but was actually surprised at how good it tasted. Lana must have been getting better. They spent their breakfast at the table talking about bills that needed to be paid and chores that needed to be done while the baby stuck his hand in his oatmeal and made a mess. Smearing the oatmeal across the tray as if it were a Monet creation. He excelled at making messes and never failed to do so.

"Well, I should head off to work." Lana stood from the table, taking her bowl with her. She had barely touched her food and instead opted for her every day cup of coffee.

Wendy glanced over to Johnny who was now slapping his hands upon the tray. She sighed internally, "Guess I'm clean up then."

"You're a doll." Lana kissed her lips and then tussled Johnny's hair, "Love you both. Behave for Mama." She told him as she strolled out of the kitchen and out the front door.

"Bye-bye!" Johnny waved at Lana, watching her go.

"There goes Mommy." Wendy sighed and stood to her feet, taking Johnny out of his high chair, "Let's get you cleaned and dressed, shall we?"

"Oh, no."

"Oh, yes."

.

That evening Wendy sat out on the front porch of the house, waiting for Lana to come home. Johnny played upon the lawn, picking up and dropping toys. He'd often stop and glance up to the much older neighborhood children that played on the street. The air was warm but had a certain freshness to it that only emerged when the sun was at a low point. It was the only relief from the summer heat that scorched without mercy during the day. It had Wendy wishing for winter, no doubt.

Evangeline Davis from next door came over and took a seat next to Wendy. She had a packet of cigarettes in her hand and tapped the bottom of the box, letting one single little death stick slip out.

"Care for one, Ms. Peyser?" She asked a little teasingly.

Wendy laughed lightly, "No, thanks."

"Hmm," Evangeline placed the cigarette between her lips and lit it, "You're really turning tables, aren't you?"

Evangeline's son had been in Wendy's class the year before Lana went off to Briarcliff. She was just about the only neighbor they really interacted with besides the Denning family who lived across the street. She was a few years older than Wendy and Lana with a bold mind that matched an equally bold mouth. However, she meant well and had been a good friend and neighbor. There never were any complaints from her.

"I suppose you can say that." Wendy kept her eyes on the boy to make sure he didn't run off into the street.

Evangeline blew smoke to the side, "You're a good friend, Wendy. Quittin' smoking for a friend's kid. That's dedication if I didn't say so myself."

Wendy kept her eyes at bay. She knew to others she was merely the boy's mother's roommate. An aunt at best, not a second mother. However, Wendy faked a smile and said, "Well, what can I say? The little tyke grew on me."

Evangeline nodded. "Looks a lot like Winters. Those eyes, though. A gift from Daddy?"

Wendy tensed up. She hated being reminded of Oliver Thredson. She had never met him in person but saw his photo in the paper after he was killed. He was a very handsome man; the kind of man that exuded intelligence and trust just by his mere looks. The perfect disguise.

"Wouldn't know." She said curtly.

"Hmm. Never did quite get a good look at that man even though his face was all over the papers." Evangeline took another puff and let it out slowly into the summer air. "Lana's lucky to still have her skin."

Wendy glanced over at her with a disapproving look, "Eva, don't be so…honest." She gave out a sigh knowing she was right.

Johnny trotted over to them and handed Wendy his little red ball, "Hew Muh-muh."

"Mama?" Evangeline raised a brow with a chuckle; "Don't confuse the boy, now." Of course she said it with no ill intension but just like all the rest, Evangeline didn't know the boy was also Wendy's son.

Wendy faked a laugh, handing the ball back to him. "Wouldn't ever dream of it."


	22. Blue is the Color

**A/N:** As promised! : ) Also, it's good to be back.  
PS. Apologies if this chapter is a little short. I'm still trying to get the inspiration flowing again after being absent for so long.

.

 **TWENTY-TWO**

Blue is the Color

.

"Do you ever think about life before '64?" She asked after taking a drink from her martini. Wendy had always fancied the drink, Lana wasn't such a fan. She preferred a nice whiskey.

Nevertheless, the kind of drink wasn't important. What was important was that they finally managed to get a night to themselves. It wasn't easy to always find a baby sitter but when they managed the two women took advantage of it.

Lana leaned her head against the ball of her first, the fingers of her free hand tapping the bar; she glanced upward as if looking at something a million light years away. Wendy studied those gorgeous brown eyes wondering how many galaxies existed within them.

"To be honest, I try not to." Lana lowered her glance back down to her glass. She had left a smudge of her red lipstick on it. She tried not to think of such things; especially on such a wonderful night.

"And why is that?" Wendy pried.

Lana smiled sheepishly with a little shrug. She sat up and placed both hands down. "Now, what brings up such a question? Hmm?" She pressed. The night was still early. They hadn't even begun to feel the buzz of their drinks or enjoy the cool night breeze.

Wendy shrugged, "I don't know. I guess I wonder about the past myself but if I'm the one being honest now, I really can't remember what it was like."

Lana took a drink from her whiskey trying to remember it herself. She did remember most things like the freedom of leaving the house whenever she wanted or the nights of interrupted sleep. Just simple things that seemed so distant or in another life. "Is there anything worth remembering?"

Wendy was pensive for a slight moment. "Not that I could think of. Besides a good night's rest."

The two women locked eyes and laughed. "Agreed."

"Is there anything you would have done different?" Wendy asked without making eye contact.

Lana raised a brow at her beloved. For a moment she didn't quite register the question but it didn't take long before she put two and two together. "You mean when I was locked up in the loony bin or tied up in that creep's basement?"

Wendy felt her cheeks and ears go hot. Whenever Oliver Thredson was mentioned she felt a strange feeling of jealousy and anger. Sure the man was dead but he had invaded Lana's body in such a horrendous way that Wendy could not forgive. Just the thought of his body on top of her Lana's was enough to set her blood boiling.

"Lana, I'm sorry. I didn't mean—"

"Don't be sorry." Lana cut her off. "It is what it is."

Wendy nodded in agreement. "So…is there?"

Lana sighed, her shoulders suddenly heavy with the burden of remembrance. Sometimes she wished Wendy would stop bringing up the past. It was such a nasty little habit that needed to be put to rest. "Knowing me, probably not."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Lana tilted her head back and exhaled another breath, "Haven't we had this same conversation a million times already?" She was sure that they had.

Wendy said nothing. Perhaps she did bring the past up too often. She supposed it was because she was trying to reassure herself somehow and calm the wreathing guilt within her, constantly ripping away at her.

"What would I have done different? Do I regret going there? Do I regret my choices? The outcomes? The aftermath?" She laughed ironically, "Wendy, the past is the past. There is no way of changing it. We are here now because of the choices _we_ made." She lowered her voice, "If I remember correctly, I didn't stay in that place willingly."

"What do you mean by that?" Wendy frowned.

Lana set her glass down and took a look at her small, brown leather watch. "We have about another hour or two until we need to get the little monster. Should we have another drink?" She turned to wave the bartender over.

Wendy knew what Lana meant by her last comment but she chose not to pick at it. When Lana became flustered she would make passive aggressive remarks about Wendy's biggest mistake. And yet Wendy asked herself, would she have done anything differently? If she had the chance to have Sister Jude sitting again in her living room would she sign those papers again?

Johnny came to mind. How Wendy adored that boy. She took another sip of her drink not wanting to think of such selfish answers.

.

Wendy sighed softly when they got Johnny out of the car later that night. "Poor sweet boy."

Lana sighed too, hoisting the sleeping toddler in her arms, "Yeah, well, you're not the one he calls to every single night after a fit."

Wendy smiled sadly, following after them into the house, "But you know when I was little I would do the same."

"Do what?" Lana stopped in front of the door, waiting for Wendy.

"I'd cry for my father to check for the monsters under my bed. Never my mother." Wendy took out her keys and unlocked the entrance.

"Pfft. That's probably because she was the one hiding under there."

"Lana!" Wendy gave her a disapproving look but bit back a laugh as to not wake the baby.

"Sorry." Lana bit her bottom lip in the way that drove electric shocks up and down Wendy's legs. "You were saying?"

"I'm _saying_ that maybe Johnny has the same preference."

Lana paused, thinking. "So… _I'm_ the father in this scenario?"

Wendy laughed, "If the shoe fits."

.

Lana sat on the kitchen table the following morning with an untouched cup of warm coffee in front of her. It had been hot when she had first poured it. The night before Lana had only indulged herself in two drinks so she would be sober enough when the time came to drive home. When they did arrive home and Johnny was put to bed, Lana stayed up listening to Billie Holiday records on the softest volumes while she poured herself a glass of wine.

Insomnia was so cruel.

But sometimes Lana wondered if she avoided sleep on purpose. She was tired of dreaming of Bloody Face. She loathed seeing him in her dreams in where he laid in bed by her side, held their son in his arms and caressed her cheek. The dreams always started so sweetly but ended in gruesome ways that woke Lana with a start and left her drenched in cold sweat.

She took her glass and took a seat on the sofa. Wendy had placed a portrait of Johnny on the small table next to the sofa. She glanced at his darling face looking back at her. She raised her glass in a toasting fashion up to the portrait, "Here's to having you, Kid." And finished the glass.

.

"Morning, Mommy." Wendy greeted Lana the following morning as she entered the kitchen with little Johnny in arms.

He had a lazy little smile plastered on his sweet face and his cobalt eyes still held a little bit of sleepiness in them. "Hi, Muh-muh." He stretched out his arms to Lana and Wendy obliged.

"Hi, baby." Lana sat him on her lap. She kissed the top of his head. "You sleep well?"

He baby babbled a response and tried to reach for her coffee but Lana pushed it away. "No, that's not for you."

Johnny squealed a response and squirmed himself off Lana's lap and onto the kitchen floor. He crawled to another chair and hoisted himself up, giving Lana an impish grin.

Lana bit her bottom lip with a smile; "Ready to destroy my house today, aren't you?"

"Ya!" He replied with a little giggle.

Lana sighed, "Thought so."

.

Even though Lana loved to work, she loved being with her little family even more. That afternoon the woman got dressed and took little Johnny out to the outlets to shop. They walked down the sidewalks, each holding one of his little hands as he trotted in between them in complete glee.

"Uh! Uh!" He called out in attempts to say "up".

"Again?" Wendy asked. She looked at Lana and the two smiled at one another. They lifted Johnny off the ground and gently set him back down after a few steps. He squealed and giggled with glee, obviously enjoying himself.

"Wow, you are super brave, aren't you?" Wendy asked him.

Johnny just continued his baby steps as fast as his little legs would let him. Wendy loved how they looked like a family and to them they were a family. However, she knew that the eyes that looked at them didn't see a nuclear family but just a mother, her son and an aunt or a family friend. And she knew that Lana knew this too. Even if she didn't mention it.

After shopping yet again for toddler clothes, they stopped at a little plaza where there was a small play fountain. Children played around it, splashing in the water that sprouted from the ground. Johnny watched from near by, too timid to go near the shooting water or the bigger children that ran around, easily able to knock him over. So he studied the peculiar scene with brilliant observant blues.

Lana and Wendy sat on a bench talking about their plans for dinner. They were far too entranced in domestic conversations.

"Muh-muh." Johnny raised his arms up to Wendy, interest lost in the play fountain. Wendy obliged like always and sat the boy on her lap.

Lana dug into her purse and gave him a snack. "I mean I'm not saying we can't have chicken. I'm just saying it would be more prudent to pick it up on the way home."

"So you want take out?" Wendy asked.

"Not exactly—well, what do you want?"

"No, no. I'm fine with whatever. Rotisserie chicken sounds good. We can stop by Bishop's on the way home." Wendy fixed Johnny's overalls, "What about the baby?"

"I'll make him some rice on the side. He'll eat the chicken in tiny bits." Lana answered, cleaning Johnny's face with a napkin.

"Last week I tried to feed him some and he didn't like it."

"Well, he'll have to like it."

Johnny shook his head from side to side, annoyed and overwhelmed while both of his mothers fussed over him.

"What if he doesn't want to eat it?"

"Then—I don't know. I'll make him something else." Lana sighed.

"What?"

"He likes macaroni. I'm sure it'll be fine."

"He's been very picky lately. I'm just worried that—"

Wendy stopped mid sentence when she noticed Lana looking at her with a peculiar look on her face. Wendy slowly smiled, "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Lana cracked a little laugh. "Listen to us. Talking like this."

Wendy couldn't help to smile too. "It's unreal, isn't it?"

"Just a bit, yes. Ridiculous mostly."

They laughed.

"Well, ridiculous or not. It's happening."

"It really is." Lana agreed, "But that's quite alright."


	23. C'est La Vie

A/N: Hi, everyone. I'm finally back! Sorry my hiatus was super long but I will try to update as much as I can when I can. Also, apologies in advance for the shortness of this chapter. I just wanted to post something asap and try to get back into the swing of things. Enjoy!

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CH 23- C'est La Vie

TWENTY-THREE

.

The wind outside had picked up tremendously in the last few days, bringing with it the beginning of autumn. The leaves had not fallen from the trees but slowly and surely the colors were subtly changing, bringing forth a vivacious vibe to the suburbs of Boston. There was a sense of peace in the neighborhood that could be found anywhere, except in the Winters-Peyser home.

The house was a horrendous and eye sore of a mess. Toys were scattered on the living room floor, a basket of dirty laundry sat forgotten on the sofa; clothes spread across the arm rest and littered around the floor. Dinner had not been made and yet there were still dirty dishes from the early morning. The radio was still playing without an audience, almost forgotten like the toys out in the yard or the junk mail tossed aside on the entryway dresser.

A little defiant voice emerged from the hallway and ran out into the living room like a flash of lightning. "No! No! No!" The almost two-year-old ran around in a full circle, bright eyed and bushy tailed; in only his diaper. He had managed to squirm out of his room in a fit as soon as he saw his mother running the bath water. It was always such a hassle to get the kind into the bathtub. He'd run a muck like a rancid little monkey if he could. Well, for one, his mother would not allow it.

Huffing with messy hair, Lana appeared into the living room. "Johnny Benjamin Winters. You get back here this instant." She ordered with her last breath of patience.

Johnny looked back at her with a defiant glance. He was getting closer to his second birthday and Lana was just not prepared for the rambunctious and headstrong attitude he was obtaining. She knew it was bound to happen but truth be told, she was not ready. She was not ready for any of it.

It had been a rough morning, a rough afternoon and a rough evening. Lana was already ready for a glass of wine or two. Maybe three. No one mentioned to her how much of a difficulty toddlers could be or how quickly patience wore thin when little people would just not listen. Not even journalism left her exhausted the way chasing a two year old did. It was like wrangling monkeys, Wendy would say.

Babies were far different than toddlers. Toddlers could run.

"No!"

Lana stood across from him. "No? Is that right?"

Johnny cackled like a little villain knowing how well he could push her buttons. He was usually a well behaved boy when his other mother was around but now he had gained a sense of mischief that Lana blamed on the little piece of apple candy she stupidly allowed him to have.

"Oh, so that's funny to you?" She asked him, almost wanting to laugh herself.

"Fuh-ee!" He repeated with a little grin that reminded Lana of Oliver.

She truly hated those moments, deep inside. The moments where the precious little boy reminded her of the ruthless monster she had put underground with her own hands. Johnny had plenty of Oliver's facial features, perhaps even some of his quirks (at least in her head he did) but what she feared most late in the night when her eyes were wide awake, was that he would inherit Thredson's mental state.

Lana faked a heavy sigh, "Okay, that's fine. Have it your way." She turned her heels and pretended to walk away.

Johnny's little smile faded as quick as a puff of smoke and he took a step forth, lifting his little head to see if he could spot his mother down the hall. "Mum-ee…" he softly murmured as his lower lip pouted out and trembled.

When Lana didn't return within seconds, a lump formed in Johnny's throat and he ran into the hall after her, crying out for her.

Lana stood against the wall, down the hall by the bedroom waiting for him. "Yeah, I thought so." She said when he crashed against her legs, crying into her pajama pants.

Johnny lifted his arms up to be picked up and Lana obliged. "You didn't like that did you?"

He cried something incoherent, rubbing his eyes with both hands.

"See? That's why you listen to your mother." She took him into the bathroom where they continued his bath.

Wendy had left for a Back to School Night to meet with her student's parents, leaving Lana all alone with the little monster. Lana had originally planned to put him down early and get some work done but that plan had gone out the window when Johnny napped an extra hour that afternoon.

Johnny splashed the water with his little palms, splashing Lana, wetting her clothes in the process. She closed her eyes and sighed. At least it was water. "Oh, you chose the perfect night to act up, didn't you?"

He babbled again, he babbled a lot. Lana worried he would need speech therapy but Wendy tried to deny it. The boy could talk just fine for his age, he just often refused to, Wendy claimed. However, Lana thought he mumbled too much and should have learned more words by his age. Johnny grabbed one of his toys and submerging it into the water. He liked to watch it pop back up with a tiny splash.

"I don't know what I would do if we didn't have your Mama. You're impossible, little one."

Johnny glanced up, looking towards the bathroom door in hopes of seeing Wendy.

"Mama's at work. She'll be home soon." Lana reassured him. "Can you say, Mama?"

Johnny stared at her, lips sealed.

"Come on, I know you can."

Johnny just looked back to his toy and continued to play.

Lana sighed, wiping a lock of wet hair out of Johnny's face, "You need to talk sometime, baby boy. Your words are important."

Johnny glanced up at Lana and pointed at her, "Muh-me."

"Yes, I'm Mommy. What's your name?"

"Joh-nee." He looked back down to his toy.

"Good boy. That's right, you are Johnny." Lana smiled in relief. Perhaps she just worried too much.

.

After his bath, Lana dressed the little boy and took him to bed with her. It was well past eight o'clock and Wendy was yet to be home. Lana became worried until she mentioned possibly getting a drink with her co-workers after. Lana was a bit annoyed at the passer by mention while Wendy gathered her things earlier that evening and went out the door. A night out would be nice too, Lana thought.

Instead she was at home reading Goodnight Moon over and over.

Johnny passed out on Wendy's side of the bed. Lana watched him sleep for a moment while she took her eyes off the notes she had been reviewing for work purposes. She noticed how his facial features were changing ever so slightly but yet so rapidly. He was leaving behind any hint of baby chubbiness and replacing it with the features of a little boy.

The older he got the more he resembled, not only her, but Oliver as well. Lana thought that within time she would forget every single detail of Thredson's face but the image of him remained stern and ever so present in her thoughts and in her nightmares.

Lana knew Wendy noticed Johnny's shared features too. However, Oliver Thredson was a non spoken matter in their home. They hadn't agreed upon it out loud, it was just known. They hadn't even fully discussed in detail what they would tell Johnny about the man that helped bring him to life. As far as Lana was concerned, the boy had no father. He wasn't the first not to have one and he sure as hell wouldn't be the last.

Still, seeing him sleeping so sweetly and innocently made Lana feel for him. He carried a burden so heavy it was too cruel to imagine.

Wendy came home shortly before ten o'clock. She had stayed behind to catch up with her fellow teachers but hadn't accompanied them for drinks. She crawled into bed with Lana and Johnny who didn't budge awake when he was scooted to the middle of the bed.

If anything, he scrambled closer to Lana, clutching onto her in his sleep. It was as if he could sense her warmth. Wendy liked to think that Johnny didn't have favorites. Of course he knew the difference between his mothers and what he could get away with when it came to each of them. Wendy was always more lenient with him. She had a hard time saying no to him and always spoiled him rotten. Johnny always stuck to her like glue but if he woke in the middle of the night, it was Lana he wanted. They had a bond that had been molded in iron since birth. One far different than the one she had with him. Perhaps it was because Lana carried him to term, or maybe because she was the one that breast fed him for the first months of his life. Whatever the case, Wendy knew it was there.

Wendy tried not to resent Lana for the boy's feelings. She was sure even a mother and father held different roles in a child's favoritism. And at the end of the day, he needed them both the same.

"How was back to school night?" Lana asked softly in the darkness of their room.

Wendy settled into the bed, head upon the pillow, eyes on the ceiling. "It went as well as it could have."

"No complaints?"

"Not yet. I mean, there's a mom who I know by now will be a pain in my ass later in the year but aside from that I have none." They spoke in hush tones.

"Well, they can't all be winners now, can they?"

Wendy rolled to her side, "And how was our little future student today?"

Lana faced her, "He was fine." She fibbed, not wanting to worry her. She knew Wendy would feel guilty for abandoning them momentarily and besides, it hadn't been the worst of Johnny's nights.

"Well, that's good." Wendy softly caressed the back of Johnny's head. "His hair is getting a little long. Should we cut it soon?"

"He'll look much older."

Wendy smiled, "Well, we can't have that, now can we?"

Lana bit back a laugh but her smile was bright enough to see in the darkness.

.

Johnny squirmed in his high chair, whining and reaching out for the spoon in Wendy's hand. It was Saturday morning and the whole family was home.

"Johnny, if you want something, use your words." Wendy reminded him.

Johnny whined again, a defiant look on his face. "Me." he managed to mumble.

"Okay, big boy. Here you go." Wendy handed him the spoon and sighed, "When did you get so big?"

"The day he started walking and broke my grandmother's crystal figurine." Lana said as she sauntered into the kitchen. "I'm writing that on your tab, little boy." She looked at Johnny. "That tab must be paid at eighteen."

Wendy laughed. "Lana, don't even joke about it." She and Lana kissed in front of the boy who didn't even mind and continued to eat with his spoon.

"Good job, baby." Lana gave Wendy one more kiss and went to pour herself some coffee.

Johnny repeated gibberish as if mimicking after her.

Wendy stood, "So, any thoughts on what we're going to do for his…" She glanced back at the boy.

"For his what?" Lana asked.

"B-i-r-t-h-d-a-y."

"I can't believe you had to spell that." Lana took a drink from her coffee mug.

Wendy rolled her eyes, "I want it to be a surprise."

"Wendy, "I'm pretty sure he's not fully aware of what a birthday even is."

"Lana! Will you humor me?"

"Okay, okay, sorry. What did you have in mind?" Lana glanced over at Johnny who had begun to spoon feed himself.

"I'm not sure. Do you think a birthday party would be appropriate?"

"I mean as much as I think that would be enjoyable for him, how many other two year olds do we know?"

Wendy frowned at this. "Good point."

"We can't really have a party for a bunch of lesbians. I mean, we could but how would that look in the photo book?"

Wendy almost laughed at the thought. "Okay, inviting only our friends to a child's birthday party is a little...unfair for him. I get that."

"We could take him to the zoo? I hear the drive to New York is quite nice."

"Is the for you or is that for him?"

"Darn. You got me." Lana teased a smile.

Wendy sighed, "Well, we have to think of something. I can invite my-"

"Don't you dare say your mother." Lana warned her before Wendy could finish the sentence.

Wendy sighed. "Lana."

"No. I won't have it." Lana passed her, taking the spoon from Johnny who had now begun to make a mess of his oatmeal. "I won't have that woman around my son."

"Your son?" Wendy snapped the question.

"Wendy, you know what I mean."

"Lana, she's my mother."

"But she's nothing to him. She doesn't even like him."

"That's not true!" Wendy retorted.

"Wendy, she's not his grandmother!" Lana snapped, silencing their small argument.

Wendy backed off and quickly looked away, hurt began to fill her eyes. Lana regretted her words right away but it was the truth. "Wendy-"

Wendy put her hand up. "No. Don't Lana. Just don't." And with only that she left the kitchen in cold silence.

Lana stood behind, sighing heavily to herself. "Shit."

"Sh!" Johnny attempted to mimic.

"Oh, great." She rolled her eyes, "Just my luck."


	24. You Belong to Me

**A/N:** Hi, everyone! Sorry, I had planned to update sooner but you know, life happens. This chapter is a bit short but I wanted to update something. Anyway, enjoy!

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 **TWENTY-FOUR**

You Belong to Me

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"You know I've always wanted to have a child of my own." Her voice was like soft timber in the night. "And to me, Johnny is my own…"

There was a moment of silence between them. Lana didn't dare speak first. Her mouth was the reason they were out there that night. Underneath the light of their porch, unencumbered by their sleeping neighbors, the truth could come out.

"I want us to be a family. A complete family. I guess I'm being a fool for wanting my parents to see him as their own flesh and blood." She chuckled to herself, "Hell, it took _you_ a long time to see him as your own."

Lana frowned at this, "You know what situation I was under. You can't blame me for that."

Wendy dropped her head, "I know. I'm sorry. I just...I get angry and jealous. I...I mess up."

"I do too but that doesn't mean I can ignore reality. Your parents, they're not going to accept you and I. They're just not. You know that and I know that. So what makes you think that they'll accept him?"

Wendy met Lana's eyes. This time it was she who didn't speak.

"I don't want my boy to go through that sort of rejection. He'll already have a lot to deal with when the time comes."

"We can try-"

"How?" Lana interrupted, "How do you want to try? Do you want to tell your mother the truth? Finally? Because that's what I did, with my own and look where that took me. I haven't seen them in years. They don't even know they have a grandson." She shook her head, "And if they did know, they still wouldn't accept _us_."

"My parents would never-"

"Wendy! That's what I told myself!" Lana almost wanted to laugh. "I too thought that they would accept me for me. Now, if you want to commit to this family- _your_ new family, you have to be willing to sacrifice those who will not stand for what we do."

"Is it so impossible to have it all?"

"I'm afraid so, kid. I'm afraid so."

The two women sat in silence.

Wendy brushed a tear from her cheeks. "I just love him so much. More than I thought I would. And it's hard because I know he's not my own. Truly my own. And in some weird way, I won't ever be enough."

"Don't you dare talk like that." Lana warned her.

Wendy shook her head, "I can't help it. Lana, I just can't help but to wish for this. I want to call him my son without the doubts of others. I want to tell people that he's mine without them sayin, 'oh, he must look like your husband then'. You have no idea how many times that has happened and how much is pisses me off."

"Wendy…"

"He looks like you, and yes, he looks like _him_ too. I remember his face from the papers and from the tv. He's the perfect mixture of two people who don't love each other. How do you think that makes me feel?"

"It's not like I wanted it...you know that. You sent me there."

Wendy closed her eyes. "I'm sorry. How many times do I have to say it?"

Lana remained silent. Sometimes it wasn't enough.

"Do you truly forgive me?"

"I told you I did. I do." Lana said without hesitation. "But this isn't about that, Wendy. This isn't about who Johnny looks like. It's about who he sees worth being in his life. Whose raising him." She placed her hand on Wendy's, "And that's us. That monster is dead and will never be a part of Johnny but you will. You think the kid cares that he looks like you? No. He couldn't give a shit."

Wendy smiled.

"He loves you and he loves me and it's something that's unconditional. It's nurture, it isn't nature."

"I just get so lost in myself sometimes."

"I know you do."

Wendy sighed, "I know it's ridiculous wanting him to be a part of my parents' lives. I guess I just want him to have some normality. If he isn't going to have a traditional family, I wanted him to have grandparents, at least."

"Not every child has grandparents, Wendy."

"Yeah, well, I thought it would be nice."

"Besides, your mother is hell and scorn in one. That woman looks at our child like he's the result of sin and burden. And don't you dare deny it."

Wendy became ashamed, "I wish she was different."

"I wish too."

The silence took over again. This time it was Lana that glanced up at Wendy. She had remembered every inch of her face and could recall it in her dreams. "Wendy?"

"Yes?" She met Lana's gaze.

"Just know that if you ever deny us again, you'll never see us. Do you understand?"

Wendy became rigid. She held Lana's gaze, "I would never." She leaned in and kissed Lana's lips, "You belong to me. The both of you."

Johnny tried to reach the stethoscope in the doctor's hand. He chuckled lightly and placed it on the little boy's bare chest.

"I'm just concerned that he's not talking at the level he should be." Lana explained.

"Some children take longer than others. Is he making regular sounds?"

"Yes. Well, he mumbles a lot of words."

"He shouldn't be long now. Just make sure you encourage him to speak whenever he wants something."

"Will do."

Lana left the doctors with Johnny in arms. It was a simple check up, still, she was just a bit relieved the doctor had calmed her nerves about Johnny's speech. Lana wondered if it was something he had inherited from Oliver. She was sure he hadn't received much care in the orphanage. He had told her after all. The way he was raised in the institution had stunned his growth in many ways.

Lana buckled Johnny up in the car. "Can you say, Mommy?"

Johnny looked at Lana and pointed at her, "Ninny!"

Lana sighed, "No, not kitty. Mommy."

"Ninny."

"Oh goodness. Sometimes I feel like you do this on purpose." She closed the back door on hopped into the driver's seat. "Maybe your Mama and I will take you on a nice vacation soon. This city is getting too stuffy. Some time away would be nice," She glanced back at Johnny, "Wouldn't it?"

He gave her a big grin, "No!"

"That's the spirit!"


End file.
